Hey
Ali Cherry
Josh wonders whether or not she knows. He thinks she might. After all, she lived with him, she thought about marrying him. She should've known.
Lisa ties Sam up in knots. The double-knotted kind that takes days and years to undo.
Josh can't imagine what Sam would be like if he had stayed with Lisa. He thinks maybe Sam would be popping Tagament and Tums and swigging Mylanta as if it were vodka.
He would have an ulcer, the painful kind that bleeds, and every Friday he would make it worse by putting on the tight-fitting clothes that Lisa picked out for him and going into a hot sweaty place so that she could get a career boost from talking with all the coolest New Yorkers.
And Sam would smile and not say anything because he's a geeky lawyer and Lisa doesn't care that he never really feels comfortable in those places.
It's when Josh thinks these evil thoughts about Lisa that he smiles. He saved Sam from that future, and then he sees Sam popping a Tagament in his mouth because Toby is giving him an ulcer.
And Josh thinks that Sam had had to choose, an ulcer from wife with a penchant for cool clubs or an ulcer from working with the President of the United States.
Josh knows what he would have chosen, what Sam chose.
Josh knows they're bitter, that they still have these feelings. But she walked out of the apartment and he walked away from the relationship. And they never said goodbye, or I love you.
Josh wonders if they ever did. He wonders if they said things without talking, or if they talked around the problems.
It's Sam's favorite pastime. Never admit a problem. Talk about something else. Resolve it without saying the real problem.
He wonders if Lisa is good at that as well.
He remembers the smooth polished feel of the door handle in his hand as he opened the door for Sam and his suitcase; how Sam's face had been pinched as they walked out the door. Josh had shut it and Sam had flinched.
He feels guilty then. He knows that he's partly responsible because he came and told Sam he had to join Bartlet. He told Sam that he could have his real dream. The Real Thing.
And he thinks now, maybe, he shouldn't have told Sam that, 'cause the real thing is only human and he sees the pinched look on Sam's face. He thinks maybe Sam regrets coming to New Hampshire now.
Josh doesn't regret it. The President needs Sam. He needs a dreamer on the staff, someone who will say it's not about politics, it's about doing what's right.
The rest of the staff are all about the politics. It's about what needs to be compromised to get through the Congress.
Sam is about making a difference and reaching for the stars. Sam is about poetry and long flights and finding a cure for cancer in ten years.
Sam is about the truth.
Not obfuscation.
Sam is about. . .
Sam is. . .
He's not quite sure, but he knows that if Sam weren't here, they wouldn't be either. And he thinks that maybe he doesn't say it enough. Maybe he should go and sit in Sam's office and just say, "hey."
Sam will know what Josh meant to say. He'll know and he'll say, "hey," back, and they will sit there, knowing.
Together.
Until Toby comes in with the latest sports page and Sam turns to him and says, "hey."
And Josh might think that Sam has never really understood the part about being important. For him, hey is for horses.
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