Jukebox Series: Things We Said Today


Cara


<< Josh, damn it, leave me alone. I look as good as it is possible for me to look. And having you fussing at me like my grandmother is not helping my current state of mind.

~~ Tell me again why I'm doing this. I mean, I love him. I can admit it to myself. But do I really want to potentially ruin it by actually putting the ring on my finger? But wow, I'll bet he looks so damn good in that tuxedo …

<< I wonder how C.J.'s doing. Is she as nervous as I am? No way. I hope she still wants to go through with this. Because I still want to, but I'm scared. I mean, I know it's natural to be scared on your wedding day … okay, cut off the mental rambling.

~~ I'll never forget how he asked me. Not as long as I live. I know you're not supposed to, but even if you were supposed to I wouldn't. He just waltzed into my office, completely out of nowhere, and said it. “C.J., will you marry me?” I was so flabbergasted I probably made the poor guy wait eons for an answer.

<< I just hope this is the right step. I mean, everyone is reminding me of a new worry, just by being there. Josh is worrying me that I'll neglect him. Leo reminds me of the press problems this has created. Speaking of press problems, please don't let Danny kick my ass. I mean, he has every right to be hurt. But speaking bluntly, it's C.J.'s problem, not mine.

~~ I wonder if I did the right thing inviting Danny here. I mean, it was the friendly thing to do, and he is certainly my friend. But I just don't want a scene. And I want Sam in one piece for my honeymoon. Danny has every right to be pissed off. I treated him pretty badly. But he should be mad at *me,* not Sam.

<< Everybody's here? It's time to go? Good. Or not good. Maybe bad. Arrgh … breathe, breathe. I'm marrying the woman I love. This is good. Then why am I so dizzy?

~~ Almost time, Donna? Here, let me take the bouquet. What? What do you *mean,* Mallory and her boyfriend are here? Sam will spontaneously combust! Where's Leo? I'll kill him!

<< Leo, please tell me you're joking, and your daughter, who happens to be my quasi-ex-girlfriend, is not sitting out there? Well, thank you. I accept your apology. At least he looks like he means it. I accept your apology but this is not helping me stay calm!!

~~ All right, I'll kill Leo after I'm married. But immediately after! Here, Zoe, can you take my train? It's hard enough to walk in these heels without tripping. I have the bouquet, got the veil, now where's the President? I need to be given away.

<< OK, just don't think about Mallory. Damn it! Why did Leo have to do this to me? It's not that I love her anymore, I don't. But it's an extremely awkward situation! Oh, all right … I'm walking to the altar …

~~ I'm leaving the bridal room. Thank you, Zoey, just keep that out of the way of my shoes or I'll be said to be as klutzy as my fiancé … soon, my husband … Jesus Christ and all the saints, what am I getting myself into? Well, it'll sure be a lot of fun …

<< Standing at the altar, trying desperately to keep my balance. Josh can tell, I'm sure. What? Oh, yeah. Thanks, Josh. You're the best friend I could ever have. But God, did he put up a fight at first! I can still see the look on his face when I told him C.J. and I were dating. It was all about some jealousy thing of his, I don't know. But now he's my best man, he's beside me and looks almost as happy and terrified as I am. Now go, Josh. You have to get in line. Must … stay upright …

~~ OK. I'm in position. Donna stands beside me. As my maid of honor, she's done so much. I really owe her a huge thank you. I'll give it to her as soon as all this is over. I think she can tell how scared I am, really. Still, she doesn't say a word. She just steadies me as I sway on my heels, and we're positioned. Right behind the bridesmaids and groomsmen. I think I'm going to faint. But I don't know why.

<< Jesus! The music's starting. My eyes are glued to that center doorway. Slowly it opens and I see Leo and Mrs. Bartlet, the first pair, make their way down the aisle. My God, it's really happening. I'm getting married. And there, in the back, is Mallory … Why? Still, she looks pleasantly contented to be there. Happy, even. Please don't let her plan anything. Well, she wouldn't, but all the same I don't want the idea to be there, especially with Danny here. Oh, wow, that's a whole new can of worms … stop rambling, Sam. Stop rambling.

~~ Inch by inch I get closer to walking down that aisle. Charlie and Zoey, the next pair, start walking as the President squeezes my hand in a gesture of comfort. Keep calm, he says. Calm! Yes, Mr. President. Sam is a wonderful guy. Yes, I do love him. No, I won't turn back. Can't. Wouldn't even if I could.

<< Here's Margaret and Toby. Wow, that's strange. Toby's actually *smiling.* Never thought I'd see that. Even when I told him I was getting married, all he did was raise his eyebrows at me, as if to say, 'are you serious?' But now he has a quiet smile on his face, looking, like Mallory, content to be here. Oh, this is bizarre. I can't be thinking straight. Mallory just caught my eye …

~~ Oh, my God. Josh and Donna are walking out. The best man and maid of honor at my wedding are on their way down the aisle. The President is such a rock, and for this I'm thankful. His arm is all that's keeping me upright. I see Josh hand Donna off to the side and have to smile. I'll bet money that Sam and I will be attending their wedding soon. Now there's nothing between the two of us.

<< The wedding march is reaching its peak, and I'm still on my feet. That's an achievement. There she is! My fiancée, soon my wife. God, she looks beautiful. You're sure this isn't heaven, right? She's coming down the aisle on the President's arm, each step gliding like she's on wheels. The dress is perfect – I have to thank Donna or whoever chose it. It's a symphony of white satin, that hangs to faultless heights off that lean body of hers. It's times like this that really make me wonder why she chose me, but they also make me realise how madly in love I am. Arrgh … if only I could breathe.

~~ I'm walking down the aisle. Jesus Christ, please don't let me trip. No, this is not a profanity. It is a fervent prayer, for quite frankly, seeing Sam waiting for me at that altar with that happy-go-lucky grin on his face robs me of most of my reason. There is no doubt in my mind now; I am completely and totally in love with this man, and I would not trade this for anything. Can't we go any faster?

<< She's here, hand in hand with me. I can tell she's nervous too, but the nervousness has been replaced by that kind of nervous anticipation that takes over your entire body. She squeezes my hand gently as a gesture. It's ok, she is saying. We're in this together. What? Oh, yeah. Time to listen to Justice Mendoza.

~~ Any objections, anyone? There damn well better not be. I'm praying Mallory and Danny will hold their peace. Not that I seriously suspect either of them of sabotage here, but … I've waited too long for this. And not a word floats out of the packed room.

<< Do I take Claudia Jean to be my lawfully wedded wife? I do, and say so with more force than I've ever put behind anything else.

~~ Do I take Samuel to be my lawfully wedded husband? As I stare into his laughing eyes, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. I definitely do.

<< I, Samuel, give you this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity.

~~ I, Claudia Jean, give you this ring as a symbol of my love and fidelity.

<< Hm? Right, right. Justice Mendoza's talking again. Oh, this one's important. I may now kiss the bride.




“Me, I'm just a lucky kind. Love to hear you say that love is love.
And though we may be blind, love is here to stay and that's enough …
Someday when we're dreaming, deep in love & not a lot to say,
Then we will remember the things we said today.” –the Beatles

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