You're so Vain
Cara
It was a Monday morning in February. People grumbled ceaselessly about having to go into work. The metros were crammed full of commuters, and the traffic was, as usual, terrible. But for Sam Seaborn, all was right with the world.
He practically danced into work. Sam was a pretty easygoing guy – some even said happy-go-lucky was a better word. But today was a cheerfulness that even for Sam was out of the ordinary. He waved to the Secret Service men, skipped up the stairs and strode down the hallway, whistling a Frank Sinatra tune.
In the bullpen, Josh Lyman picked up on it first. Turning to Donna Moss, his assistant, he asked in a whisper, “Is that Sam?”
“Yeah,” Donna answered. Appraising him critically, she murmured back to her boss, “He looks even happier than normal.” *And I know why,* she thought. *It has to be. It's women's intuition.*
“Morning, Josh!” Sam had a smile for his best friend as he came by. “Donna, you look as lovely as ever.”
“Uh … thanks.” Josh was a bit unnerved, though Donna merely grinned idiotically at the compliment. “Sam, is everything all right?” he asked.
“Things are better than all right!” Sam dropped his briefcase and dropped into Donna's chair. Feet up on her desk, he said, “It really doesn't get much better than this, you guys.”
Donna smiled. She was right; now she was sure of it. “Have a good weekend, Sam?”
“The best.” Sam winked at her. Donna had played a large part in his present happiness, and he wouldn't forget it. Now if only he could do something for her …
Josh, however, was still in the dark. “What happened to you, buddy? You get a raise or something?”
“Nope.” Sam folded his hands behind his head and leaned back. Of course, the chair tilted too far and Sam went flying. But on this occasion he didn't even blush; he just picked himself and the chair up and went back to smiling at Josh.
“Wow, this *had* to have been good,” Josh mumbled. Aloud he said, “Lemme think … you finally put things to rest with Mallory?”
“Well, that's part of it,” Sam answered. “We had a long talk, and we finally agreed to stay friends. She needs someone who can give her more attention, and I need someone who understands that my job is my life.”
“There's your problem, Sam,” Josh riposted. “But I'm glad for you.” He applied himself to the task at hand. “If you set things right with Mal, it can only mean there's another woman in the picture.”
Donna had to bite her lip to keep from laughing. She could only imagine the teasing Josh would throw his friend's way when he guessed.
Sam was about to answer when the three were greeted by the sounds of more whistling – another Sinatra tune. Josh stuck his head out into the hallway and was treated to an extraordinary sight.
C.J. Cregg, by nature a very calm, easygoing person, was extremely happy. She was practically hopping down the hall, bobbing her head to some crazy inaudible tune – another Sinatra. Assorted words came out of the melange – “I've got you under my skin, I've got you deep in the heart of me …”
She passed the bullpen. “Hey, Josh. Hi Donna.” But what flabbergasted Josh most of all was the way she bid Sam good morning. “Hey, you,” C.J. said, letting her hand softly caress the side of his face for just a brief instant. Then she passed on, but not before Sam returned the fond look.
The only possible solution to Sam's mystery elbowed its way to the front of his mind. Like a man struck by lightning, Josh blurted, “You got some last night, didn't you!!?!”
C.J. stopped as if shocked by an electric fence. “Sam!” she hissed, coming back to the bullpen. “You *told* him?”
“No,” Sam answered, spontaneously turning pink, “*you* just did.”
Josh was stunned. There was no other word for it. Donna couldn't stop a giggle, but otherwise remained silent. C.J. and Sam waited patiently for Josh to speak.
At length he did. “I can't believe you two!” Josh spluttered, rising to his feet. “How long has it been since you got together, and you're already to this point?”
“It's been thirteen days since Valentine's Day,” Sam answered, “and if you must know, one thing just led to another. It's not a habitual thing.” He winked evilly at C.J. “However …”
“Sam, shut up.” C.J. flushed and spoke to Josh. “I'm a grown woman, Josh, and Sam is a grown man. It's our call. *Not* yours.”
“But are you thinking of anyone else?” Josh said snidely. “What about the press problems that will happen if this gets out?”
“What about them?” Sam answered. “It's none of their business.”
“Hmph.” Josh folded his arms in a remarkably childish way. “Well fine, then. Go right ahead. By the way, Sam, the 589 meeting starts in ten minutes.”
“But I thought you had that.”
“I did. But Leo gave it to you.” Josh still faced the wall as he spoke. “Or were you not listening?”
Sam merely sighed. “Fine. See you later, C.J., Donna.” He ostentatiously ignored Josh, figuring it might shock him. He didn't like to do that to people, especially not his best friend, but what other way would he get Josh out of this childish little funk? His love life was, quite frankly, his own damn business.
* * *
Donna whistled to herself as she searched for Josh's latest important file. This was turning out to be a good day. Except, of course, for her boss's persistent mood. What was *wrong* with him? C.J. and Sam had finally gotten together, making them both happy. So why couldn't Josh accept it?
She flounced back to the office with the file. “Here, Josh.”
Josh took one look and pushed the folder aside. “Dammit, Donna, this is the wrong file.”
“It is not. You said number 27-626-489. There's the number.”
“I said 626-689.”
“No you didn't.”
“Just go get it!”
“Fine.” Donna turned away, muttering under her breath about men who get too much power.
Unfortunately, Josh heard her. “Donna, you need to stop being a smartass.”
“Since when have I ever *not* been a smartass?”
“I mean it, Donna,” he snapped. “This has really not been my day.”
“And why is that?” Donna couldn't stop herself. “Maybe because you've been an immature child to Sam and C.J.?”
“Donna!” Josh was on his feet. “I ought to fire you for that!”
“I apologise, Josh.” She didn't sound the tiniest bit sorry, but she *did* want to keep her job.
Josh turned away. “Donna, that was low.”
“Was it?” She couldn't look at him. “They're so happy together. Why can't you be happy for them?”
“Because it's just not right.” Josh sighed. “I don't want to see either of them get hurt.”
“How can you talk about them getting hurt?”
“Because they're just not right for each other.”
Donna was incensed. “And you know this for a fact?” She turned away. “You're such a child!” An idea sprang to her head as she went back to her desk. “Mr. Lyman, you have a meeting with Leo in ten minutes.”
Josh spun around in his tracks. “What did you call me?”
“What every secretary should call her boss. Sir.” Donna knew it was a small victory, but they had always called each other by their first names. By using the honorific, Donna was erecting a small wall between them.
Indeed, even at that moment Josh's face contorted in a whine. “Donna!”
“Ms. Moss, please. Be professional, Mr. Lyman.”
“Fine, I'll be professional,” Josh said through clenched teeth. “You're fired.”
“Whatever.” Donna turned back to her typing, leaving Josh to storm out. The worst part was, and he admitted it to himself, he'd never fire her. Then he'd actually have to think about his schedule.
He stomped over to Leo's office for the meeting, letting himself in and muttering general imprecations against his secretary and meddling people. However, he didn't count on Leo's reaction.
Leo stared at his underling. “Josh, are you okay?”
“What? Oh, yeah, Leo, fine.” Josh yanked his attention back from his best friends and recalcitrant secretary.
“All right.” Leo shot Josh a strange look before continuing. “So, I'm thinking we talk to Congressman Kane about the harassment suit, before the press gets to him.”
Josh laughed sardonically. “Harassment suits. See what happens when people go with interoffice romances?”
Leo tossed the papers down on his desk. “Josh.” His tone was low and warning. “I don't know what the problem is, but it better get worked out quick.” A terrible thought occurred to him. “Josh, please tell me Donna hasn't brought harassment charges against you.”
Josh chuckled in spite of himself. “Jesus, Leo. No, I have no harassment suits pending against me.” His voice turned bitter. “There's a couple people I know who are in an office romance. But I don't think it's right.”
“Anyone I know?”
“That I couldn't tell ya.” Josh reasoned that if C.J. and Sam hadn't threatened him, he would have been able to tell Leo. But as it was he didn't want any more of C.J.'s temper descending on his head.
“Well, hopefully it'll all work out.” Leo wouldn't let it drop. “This sounds like it's really affecting you, though.”
“It is.” Josh admitted it. “These people are close to me. I don't want them to get hurt.”
Leo was philosophical. “Well, you can't do much about it.”
“I guess not.” Inwardly, however, Josh thought, *oh, can't I? Just watch me.* This thought sustained him as the meeting dragged on.
* * *
C.J. threw her pen against the wall, not really caring if it splattered. It did anyway, leaving a stain. That was the least of her worries. She had three briefings to give, and an appearance to organize. Not to mention finding a way to surgically remove her best friend's head from his ass.
What was wrong with Josh? She knew he didn't adapt well to change. But this was above and beyond the call of egotism. He knew it was *her* damn love life. Besides, she reflected irreverently, Sam was hard to deal with when neurotic.
Even as she thought, there was a knock on the door and Sam flew in. “C.J., have you seen Josh? I need to find him about the EPA speech.”
C.J. made a rude noise. “Are you sure you want to?”
“Well, no,” Sam answered, an act that was tantamount to the apocalypse – admitting he was angry wasn't something that was in his nature. “Still, I gotta run it by him. Toby'll chew my head off if I don't.” He sat down on her couch. “C.J., do you have a clue what's eating Josh?”
“No, I don't.” C.J. got up and restlessly began to pace. “But whatever it is, it's pissing me off.”
“Thank you, Ms Understatement.”
“Bite me.” C.J. reflected a little too late that Sam wasn't the person she should say that to. He did too many things to her internal organs already. “Before you start, you know what I meant.”
“Yeah, I do.” Still, Sam couldn't keep the grin off his face.
“Wiseass.”
“And proud of it.” Sam crossed the room until he stood face to face with her. “C.J., you can't let Josh get to you,” he said. “It's like you told him. We're both adults. He has no say over what we do.”
“I know.” C.J. turned away, a bit confused. She didn't want to hurt him, of that much she was sure. But she just didn't know how she felt. There was something there. But what?
Sam was a bit perplexed. Finally, he just said, “C.J., are you all right?”
She tried to shake it off. “Yeah, I'm fine.” C.J. smiled vaguely at him. “It's just the stress.”
Sam slipped an arm around her waist. “Believe me, I know the feeling.”
“I'll bet you do.” C.J. grinned. “It's a wonder Toby hasn't killed you yet.”
“It's not my fault that he writes in a strange style.”
“That's what he says about you.”
Sam had to laugh. “I'll talk to you later. And don't let Josh get to you!” He kissed her on the cheek and ran out.
Even though deep down she knew he was right, C.J. still felt a nagging doubt chewing on her thought processes. If Josh felt that way and said so, how many people would feel the same way and keep it to themselves? And what should she do with Danny? She'd told him she didn't want to date him for the time being. But she hadn't talked to him since that day. And he had left with scarcely a fight – in other words, it had been far too easy to get rid of him. She didn't like things that were too easy.
Sighing, she picked up her files and left, heading to Toby's office. With luck, all Danny would have to badger her with would be work-related.
Toby was waiting for her. “C.J., have you spoken to Josh about that last briefing?”
“No, why?” C.J. was careful to keep her voice non-committal. The *last* thing she needed was Toby hounding her too.
“Well, the President wants to address the United Auto Workers' union in a few days. But given that he just made a point of speaking at the AFL-CIO banquet, Sam's worried it's going to look partisan.”
C.J. snorted. “What, and piss off *more* people? That's rather difficult right now.”
“Exactly.” Toby reflected miserably. The administration's approval rating was at 38% - the lowest figure in two years. And, with a controversial test ban treaty coming up for review in the Senate, the number would only go down. Nuclear arms was an issue that took a politician to fully comprehend, and the American public often didn't follow. After nuclear issues administrations almost always took hits. “So what do you think we should do?”
“Well, it wouldn't look good to address the UAW; I can tell you that.”
“Obviously.”
“So maybe counter-balance by addressing big business, or doing something for them?” C.J. hazarded. Her brain really wasn't in this right now. “You know. Ensure that we're still in their corner, as well as labor's corner. If such a thing is possible.”
“Stranger things have worked.” Toby said. “But I'm just not sure what we should exactly do.”
“Wanna discuss it with Leo?”
“Let's,” Toby answered, getting up. “Sam is annoying me today, and besides, he's gotta finish the EPA thing before two.” He held the door for C.J. as he added, “Leo will probably tell us to handle it, of course.”
“Of course,” agreed C.J., deadpan.
“But we have to talk to him anyway.”
“Of course.”
The two headed down the hallway to Leo's office. Near the bullpen, however, C.J. felt someone brush by her and turned around.
It was Josh. He nodded coldly. “I'm sorry, C.J. Toby, can you come to my office as soon as possible? Sam -” and he said the word as coldly as possible, to C.J.'s mind – “just gave me the speech for the Teachers' Union.”
“Fine,” Toby said, shooting C.J. an odd look. “Give me a half-hour, Josh.”
“OK.” Josh strode away without another word.
Toby turned back to C.J. He opened his mouth to ask a question, thought better of it, and turned into Leo's office. It was probably just a passing thing.
C.J. sighed. *Please,* she thought, *don't let this day get any worse.*
* * *
Josh was thinking essentially the same thing. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't like being snarky. It was just the only way he knew how to deal with a lot of the situations he encountered. Besides, what exactly do you say to your two best friends, who have just started a serious relationship?
He fumbled around on his desk for the latest project that required his attention. However, finding nothing, he was forced into the open. “Donna!” he called. “Can I have file 25-869-361 please?”
She came in with it quickly, laying it on top of his other paper stacks with a little flourish. “Anything else, Mr. Lyman?” she asked, face deadly serious but voice betraying acute amusement.
Josh glowered at her. “Go away, Donna.” She didn't answer; just left. Of course, Josh reflected to himself, that *would* be her way of hurting him even more. For some reason the thought of a distant Donna nagged at him. It bugged him like a fly on the wall; fine when one was unaware, but once you noticed it drove you mad. But he couldn't fix things. Not now. Not yet.
And he *was* angry. Angry that they were together. It was completely wrong; why couldn't they see it for what it was? Angry that they seemed to give no thought to anyone else. Well, by his own stratagems, he'd change that. But how? He didn't want to let the cat out of the bag; C.J. would probably never forgive him and he didn't want that. But how could he get them to realise what a mistake they were making?
Then, he had it.
Vaulting out of his chair, Josh set off down the hall and knocked on C.J.'s door. With a firm injunction to himself to control his temper, he entered when she bid him to.
Her face immediately contorted into an expression of icy politeness. “Josh. What can I do for you?”
“Actually, C.J.,” Josh answered, keeping his face cool and composed, “I just wondered if you'd run over my thesis here. See if it's okay for the next briefing.”
C.J. relaxed a tiny bit; it was work-related. She took the paper, asking, “What's this deal with?”
“Congressman Kane has a harassment suit pending against him,” Josh answered. “It hasn't been leaked to the press yet, but one of his aides started out by dating him, then when they broke up she brought a harassment suit.”
“Oh.” C.J. realised that sounded really stupid, but she did not trust herself to speak further, and she swore Josh would not see the galvanic effect his words had just had on her. Was that what was destined to happen between her and Sam? Theoretically, Sam could even bring a suit against her. It wasn't just limited to women. Would they end up not speaking at all, except through their various lawyers?
C.J. shuddered. She had to talk to Sam. Unfortunately, she knew what she had to do, and it wasn't something she relished.
Meanwhile, she had to deal with Josh. “Um, yeah. Yeah, sure, I'll read it.”
“Thanks.” Josh laid the paper on her desk and walked out. He wasn't smiling, for he hadn't enjoyed what he'd just done. But, he told himself, it was necessary. This way, his best friends would stay best friends, and no one would be hurt. Well, not any more than necessary.
At the same time, C.J. was finding it difficult to keep her mind on Josh's paper. It would be suitable for the briefing, she was sure. But the personal implications kept running through her head. A suit … personal problems … her and Sam's careers ruined; they'd never show their faces in Washington again …
She stood abruptly, thinking a walk would clear her head. Leaving her office, she turned into the hallway and was immediately confronted by the last person on earth she wanted to be faced with at that moment: Sam.
He was so chipper, as always. “Hey, C.J.,” he said, pleasant smile on his face. “Do you have a minute to go over the last item about the German ambassador?”
“In a bit, yeah.” C.J. knew she sounded downtrodden, but didn't care. “I need to take a walk.”
Sam's face fell artistically. “Are you all right, C.J.? You don't sound so good.”
“Yeah, well.” C.J. couldn't look at him. She was going to hurt him. That ripped her apart, but she knew it was for the best. And besides, the sooner she spoke the better it would be. “Sam, we have to talk.”
“OK, sure.” He gestured to his open office, holding the door open for her and following. “What's up, C.J.?”
*Get it out in the open,* she told herself. *Get it over with and just walk away.* Preparing herself, C.J. did just that. “Sam … I've done a lot of thinking about this. And I think that we should see other people, at least for now.”
She should have known he'd react the way he did. Sam had a way when he was upset, depending on the object of his anger. Sometimes he'd use guilt to rub it in the person's face. And sometimes he'd look at the person in very real pain, asking silently why they were doing this to him. This situation definitely called for the second look. C.J. could feel the school of piranhas chomping on her heart for doing this to him. Damn politics.
He finally spoke. “Why would you think that, C.J.?”
“I was just thinking for the future, I guess.” She turned her face to the wall. “About harassment suits and awkward relationships and barriers. You're my friend. I don't want that.”
“Oh. I see.” I'm your *friend?* Sam wanted to scream. Just a *friend?* Maybe it was best to end this if she felt that way. But what annoyed him was that they really hadn't even had a chance to find out what the relationship was. It sure felt like more-than-friends to him.
Aloud he said heavily, “Well, C.J., I'm not mad at you. I understand where you're coming from.”
“I'm glad.” C.J. permitted herself a small smile. “I still want to be friends with you, Sam.”
“I'm glad,” Sam echoed, thankful that his face didn't reflect the utter frustration he felt inside.
There was really nothing else to say. The two sort of stared at each other lamely. Finally, C.J. hazarded, “Well, I have to go find Josh. I have his briefing on the Congressman's harassment suit.”
Sam's brow furrowed. “But Josh said he'd show that to Toby, and then to Simon.” Simon Glazer was the deputy press secretary.
C.J. shrugged. “So he showed it to me.”
“Yeah, I guess you're right.” But even as he spoke the idea jumped into Sam's head. Josh had shown C.J. the report on purpose. It would be like him. He was manipulative, and it would be the way he'd get his ideas across.
“I'm going to kill him,” Sam said under his breath, with a vehemence that even shocked himself.
“What?” C.J. said.
Sam waved a hand irritably. “Nothing. But hey,” he said, tone growing soft. “Promise me one thing.”
“Yeah?”
Sam smiled boyishly, inside already plotting ways to kill Josh. “When you're ready … call me?”
“I promise.” C.J. felt her throat choke up, and not for the first time damned her job. And yet, she'd never give it up. Rather than lose it in front of Sam, she simply ducked out of the room.
* * *
Donna was typing merrily at her desk when she heard the heavy footsteps. Wondering what the hell was going on and discounting any sort of terrorist attack, she got up and peered in that general direction, only to see a rare thing: a pissed-off Sam. *Wait a minute,* she thought. *That's not supposed to happen.*
He got to her desk fairly quickly. “Is your boss in?” Sam said icily.
“Unfortunately,” Donna quipped. “No, seriously, he's in, and he's in a better mood.”
“I bet I know why,” Sam said caustically.
Donna raised her eyebrows. “Sam, I gotta tell you, you're scaring me.”
“Don't worry, Donna,” he answered, letting himself smile at her. “But I will tell you, you're going to hear a lot of yelling.”
What could Donna say? She hit the intercom button. “Mr. Lyman, Sam's here to see you.”
“'Mr. Lyman?'” Sam asked.
“It's a ploy,” Donna answered. “And it seems to be working.”
“Good.” Sam pushed open the door, trying to marshal his anger. For once in his life, it wasn't difficult.
Josh reclined in his desk chair, writing furiously on a yellow legal pad. “Sam,” he said warily. “Something I can help you with?”
“Yes, Josh, there is.” Sam didn't even recognize his own voice, he sounded so pissed off. “Maybe you could explain why you showed C.J. the briefing on Congressman Kane's harassment suit?”
Josh leaped to his feet, already defensive. “Because I couldn't find Simon,” he answered, eyes narrowing. “What's it to you?”
“I think you know damn well what it is to me!” Sam snapped.
“Um … okay …” Josh had to stall. He didn't know what to say for a myriad of reasons. Number one being that he couldn't refute that without lying. Also, Sam at this level of anger was an extremely rare thing. He decided to just let his friend talk.
He'd come to regret that decision. “Josh, you did this deliberately!” Sam let the accusation permeate the air. “You deliberately went and made C.J. nervous enough to break up with me.”
Josh had a hard time keeping the self-satisfied smirk off his face. “Oh, she did that? Wow.”
“Shut up, Josh.” Sam's tone was hard and unforgiving. “And stop lying. You took that report to her with every intention of scaring her.”
“You think that low of me?” Josh's tone was dangerously calm.
“Yes, quite frankly, I do!” Sam stared his friend in the eye, not backing down. Sarcastically he said, “When you don't get your way, Josh, you're awfully petty.”
“Well, Sam, apparently when you don't get your way you look out for someone to blame.” Josh shot back.
Sam was literally at a loss for words. Finally, he just issued his retort, in a voice echoing with such plaintive melancholy that it made the hairs on the back of Josh's neck stand up. “You're an asshole, Josh. I want you to know that. And don't come near me again if it isn't for work.” With that, he turned on his heel and left the office, the door hanging open.
Again, Josh was stunned. He couldn't remember the last time Sam had been that angry with him. Or with anyone. He gripped the hands of his chair as he felt the beginnings of a migraine form in his head. Could this day get any worse?
Oh, yes. Two of his problems assaulted him at the same time. Donna flounced in, and distantly he heard a loud, grumbling Chief of Staff approaching.
“Mr. Lyman, Leo is on his way.” Donna grinned, as though all was right with the world.
“No shit,” Josh grunted. “Donna, can you cancel my 3:00 appointment?”
“Certainly, Mr. Lyman.” She turned away to do so just as Leo barged in, thoroughly annoyed.
“Josh, damn it!” Leo snapped. “Do you realize that you missed the meeting this morning on the budget redistribution?”
Josh frantically thought back to early that morning. When had there ever been a budget meeting?
His survival instinct kicked in. “Yes, I know, Leo. I'm really sorry. Donna informed me of it, but then Senator Walsh called, and I had to straighten all that out.”
“Well you still should have come to the damn meeting!” Leo said irritably. “I don't enjoy making excuses for anyone, least of all you!”
Josh just kept agreeing with his angry boss. Whatever he said, Josh agreed. He figured it would get Leo out of his face a little quicker.
Still, he got thrown for a loop. “Josh, I have to punish you in some way,” Leo said. “So I would like you to work with Sam on the EPA briefing.”
Josh spoke before his brain told him to shut up. “Oh, God, Leo, please –”
“Leo what?” the Chief of Staff asked, voice deceptively calm.
Josh swallowed his words. “Nothing, Leo, I just don't –” He stopped as the headache attacked him again. “Leo,” he said, rubbing his temples absently, “this day has gone from bad to worse. Just please, please, *please* don't make it a living hell by making me work with Sam.”
As gruff as he appeared, Leo was a bit swayed. His deputy never begged. “What's wrong, Josh?”
“Sam's mad at me.”
“Why?” Leo couldn't help the acerbic retort. “What'd you do this time?”
Josh halted, realizing what he could and couldn't say. Finally he answered, “Sam and I had an argument over something trivial. Apparently it wasn't trivial to him.”
“Oh.” Leo realized that being needlessly cruel wouldn't get the work done. At this point, if Sam was as angry as Josh said, all it would probably result in was a fist fight. “Fine,” he said aloud. “Go work with Toby on the FBI procedure changes. Though I warn you he's in a foul mood.”
Josh heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you, Leo. I never thought I'd say this, but I look forward to working with Toby.”
Leo shot him a strange look. “This must really be bad.”
Josh said it with feeling. “You have *no* idea.”
* * *
Donna halted just outside C.J.'s door. She had taken it upon herself to talk to the older woman, and wasn't sure, quite frankly, how she'd be received. But, she told herself, C.J. had looked terrible at the staff meeting. She just needed someone to talk to. Besides, Donna added, she wanted answers.
She knocked once and was rewarded by a curt “Who is it.”
“It's Donna.”
“Donna?” C.J. echoed. Her voice turned hard. “If you're bringing messages from Josh, you can leave right now.”
“Josh?” Donna snorted. “C.J., I'm mad at him too.”
“What'd he do to you?” In spite of herself, C.J. sounded interested.
“I'm just sick of having to share office space with his ego.” Donna sighed. “Um, C.J., I don't want to be rude, but if we're going to have a conversation could I come in?”
“Yeah, what the hell.” C.J. opened the door and Donna was surprised at how tired she looked.
She said as much, treading carefully. “C.J., you don't look so good.”
C.J. laughed sardonically. “Well, Donna, I have every right to look terrible. I have three more briefings to give, I still haven't organized the President's appearance at the WHO fundraiser, Sam's avoiding me and Josh is an asshole!”
Donna could read her, and it shocked her somewhat to see that the press secretary was really hurting. She'd always thought of C.J. as somewhat invincible. Thus it was surprising to see C.J. agonize over anything.
She said, “Sam's avoiding you? Why?”
“Because.” C.J.'s gaze dropped to a spot on the floor. “I told him I thought we shouldn't date anymore.”
Donna's expression was eloquent. “C.J.,” she said, somewhat bitterly, “you are one of the smartest people I know. But that was really, really stupid.”
“Oh, really, Donna?” C.J.'s ire was up, and her eyes were narrowed.
“Yes, really. Josh showed you the memo purposely to make you nervous,” Donna said with her characteristic bluntness. “He was supposed to show it to Simon. He showed it to you to make his point.”
Donna had expected C.J. to get angry when told this latest piece of news. Thus, she was totally unprepared when instead of getting up and beginning to rant and pace around her office, C.J. dropped her head into her forearms with the utmost expression of pain.
She moved across to the desk, not sure of what to do. “C.J., are you all right?”
With great difficulty, C.J. lifted her head. “Both of my best friends are mad at me. I'm exceedingly pissed off at one of those best friends. I just lost a chance at a great relationship. I have three briefings.” She slammed a hand down on the desk. “I have no goddamn control! None!”
“But you could have control.” The words came out of Donna's mouth before she could stop them.
“What do you mean?”
“Just be like me.” Donna attempted a small smile. “I control things. I have the run of Josh's day. So he has to be relatively nice to me. Without me he'd be lost.” She faced the older woman. “You're in the same position. Without you, they're ambushed on any possible press leaks, and also they don't have the rapport with *certain reporters* that you do.”
C.J. winced. “Donna, I have no idea what to do about Danny right now.”
“Why do anything?” Donna asked rhetorically. “Let a bit of this blow over. Then talk to Sam, Josh *and* Danny. You're not thinking right now, C.J. Let some of this pass.”
“Yeah, I suppose so.” C.J. stared at the younger woman with new admiration. Donna so often played the expected roles – the Dumb Blonde, the Competent Assistant – that it was sometimes hard to find the smart, sensitive woman underneath. That was often the way she felt herself. She played her roles – the Press Secretary, the Senior Staffer, the Strong Politician – that it was so difficult sometimes to let all that femininity escape. Sam had let her do that.
She stifled the melancholy and said, “Thanks, Donna. I needed that.”
“Not a problem.” Donna smiled. “Just let some time go by. Besides,” she added, smirk coming to her face. “Josh has enough on his plate right now.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes.” Donna briefly filled C.J. in on Josh's trials during that day. “And Sam even came to his office and chewed him out!” she finished, smiling at the memory. “I couldn't hear everything, but Sam was actually *yelling.*”
“Sam? Yelling?” C.J. said, amused yet not. Sam needed a damn good reason to blow up at someone.
“Yeah, he's been in a foul mood for a while,” Donna answered breezily. “He snapped at Cathy, and he basically told Toby what he could do with the Emerson memoranda.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.” Donna mused. “I wonder what could have made him so mad.”
“Go figure. But with Sam, it's got to be something personal.”
“Yeah.”
“I wonder what.” But as C.J. spoke a tiny, troublesome doubt inserted itself into her head. Could Sam be taking his anger at her out on everyone else? Was that why he had been avoiding her? It would be like him. He was so seldom angry that he often didn't know how to deal with it. And he only got this mad over personal issues.
She put her head in her hands again. “My God. Can this get *any* worse?”
“What do you mean, C.J.?” Donna looked concerned.
“He's mad at me.” It sounded hideously convincing the more she thought about it. Why else would he be that angry? Well, she amended, some of it was probably Josh's interference – no matter what C.J. had told Sam, Josh's interference would still be resented. But it probably wasn't that big a deal anymore, given that the situation was now moot. “He's mad at me because I dumped him.”
Donna smiled evenly, trying to lighten the mood. “C.J., do you really think you've got that kind of effect on men?”
C.J. laughed. “Maybe not. But still … is there another explanation?”
“Maybe.” Donna consulted her watch. “Look. I have to go into the lion's den – in other words, I have to talk to Sam, even in his current state. Is there anything you want me to tell him?”
C.J. pondered that one. Would it really do any good right now, whether he was mad or not? “No, Donna. I want to leave it alone for now.”
Donna sighed. “Fine.” She turned to leave.
“Hey, Donna?”
“Yeah?”
C.J. smiled. “We should do something sometime. You know, a girls' night.” She tried to inject enthusiasm in her voice for something that wasn't that interesting. “You know. Go to the bar, dance with the guys. Hell, let's bring along some of the better-looking Secret Service men.”
Donna laughed. “I'd enjoy that. Thanks, C.J.” She turned and left, thinking, *I don't know, would Josh get jealous? I care about that. Why the hell do I care?*
* * *
Feeling a sense of déjà vu, Donna knocked on Sam's door. She announced herself and walked in, trying to be cheerful. “Hi, Sam.”
It didn't work. “Hi, Donna.” Sam looked worse than C.J. had. There were dark circles under his eyes already, and he had about five piles of paper in front of him, in various states of disorganization and decrepitude. “Something I can help you with?”
Donna had to fight to speak normally. This was damned depressing, seeing Sam like this. “Yeah. Here's the final draft of the WHO remarks from Toby, and Josh sent me to give you his briefing on the Congressman's harassment suit.” She added in a softer voice, “He knows he's the last person you want to see right now.”
Sam grunted. “No shit.”
“Is there anything I could do?” Donna asked. “Anything at all?”
“Not a damned thing, Donna.” Sam's voice was dead, whether from personal torture or work-related stress. He just couldn't take it anymore. And that was saying a lot.
He was just sick of everything. His life needed a rewrite. And staring at Donna's cautiously optimistic face was the worst possible thing at that point. Still, he couldn't bite her head off when he spoke.
He didn't, though it was an ordeal. “Donna, I just need some time. Time to finish all this damned work, and time to re-evaluate.” Sam's voice trailed off after the last word, unable to finish the sentence. <<Time to realize I just lost the woman I love to my ex-best friend. And he's not even in love with her!>>
“Fine,” Donna said softly. “Sam, if you want to talk I'm here.” The two were close friends, and had shared many late-night chats.
“Thanks, Donna.” Sam smiled, or tried to – it was a pale specter of his average 1000-watt grin. It broke Donna's heart. “I'll be fine.”
He really would be, he told himself. Eventually. But for now he just needed alone-time. And it didn't help that every time he looked at Donna, he saw Josh.
Speaking formulaically, he asked, “Do I have to see Toby about this draft?”
“Yeah, he said you probably should.”
“All right.” Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, staving off a sinus headache. “Tell him to give me five minutes, would you?”
“Sure.” *Five minutes?* Donna thought forlornly. *Sam, after this mood, Toby will give you the rest of the day.*
Her boss was such a *bastard.*
Sam watched Donna walk out, and couldn't help smiling to himself. Donna really should snap out of it. The denial wasn't healthy. This had to be difficult for her, given that her feelings registered with every step Josh took. It wasn't fair that his ex-best friend had a woman like that dogging his steps. And now he had no one.
Sighing, he got up and quickly perused Toby's draft. It would fly. Now he had to find his boss. Another thing he didn't feel like doing.
The halls were crowded, as usual, and it took Sam a while to find Toby. He was in a particularly high-traffic area, and Sam had to push by several people to get to his boss. However, the last person he pushed by pushed back.
Josh shot Sam a cold look. Sam shot one right back, brazenly ignoring him otherwise. “Toby, I looked at the draft.”
“You think it'll fly?”
“Yeah.” Sam didn't waste words; he was too tired. “Wanna go see Leo?”
“In about a half-hour,” Toby said. “Josh will talk to Joey Lucas sometime tonight and she'll have those stats for us tomorrow.”
“Fine.” Sam turned to leave, and one of his resident demons made him shove by Josh, even though the corridor had cleared. He pushed Josh on the shoulder, earning a villainous look.
This did not go unnoticed by Toby. “All right. What the hell was that?”
“What was what?” Josh said coldly.
“That!” Toby gestured. “Sam just shoved you. That doesn't happen.” His voice held a questioning tone, but neither Sam nor Josh was going to own up.
“It was nothing,” Sam said.
“Why would there be something?” Josh said.
“There's nothing,” the two of them agreed.
“Then why *did* you shove him?” Toby challenged.
“The corridor was crowded.” Sam sounded defensive.
“Yeah, Sam, whatever.” Josh had had it, and elbowed past the both of them to stomp back to his office.
Toby was left spellbound, next to a silently furious Sam. Finally he managed, “What crawled up his ass?”
Sam's response was terse and to the point. “A gerbil. And it died.” Then he too stalked off.
Toby, being thoroughly confused by recent events, decided to take the easiest course of action. He would lay the whole matter before Leo.
He proceeded to do just that. After the memo draft had been looked at, Toby brought it up. “Hey, Leo.”
“Yeah?”
“You heard about this thing with Tweedledee and Tweedledork?”
“By that I presume you mean Sam and Josh.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes, I have,” Leo answered. “Josh practically begged me this morning to not make him work with Sam.”
“Yeah, it's about that bad.” Toby briefly described the incident in the corridor. “And they both deny there's anything wrong.”
“Well it's obvious that there is,” Leo said, deadpan. “So why don't you find out what it is?”
Toby had to fight an impulse to laugh. “Leo, why do I give a good goddamn if those two are at each other's throats?”
“Because Josh doesn't work half as well when he's mad,” Leo answered smoothly. “And you know you want the help on those appearance schedules. Besides,” he added, “It isn't natural to see Sam that angry. You know him. He'll probably try to work through it, and screw up everything instead of only a few things.”
Toby was beaten. Leo's logic was faultless. “Fine,” he said. “I'll try to see what's going on. But I am *not* playing peacemaker here.”
“I don't think that would be possible,” Leo said, slight smile playing on the corners of his mouth. “Just see what's going on. Then someone else can fix it.”
“I hope that can happen.”
* * *
Josh stared idly at the ceiling as he waited for minutes to pass. Where was Donna? He really needed that file before Joey called. He was looking forward to talking to her. She would be a breath of fresh air from the acid atmosphere of the Wing. It really wasn't his fault that half the staff wanted to kill him. They just couldn't see the purity of his motives. It had been different when Sam and C.J. had gone on one damned date. But now that they had gotten *serious,* it was a little too much to handle. So Joey would be great to talk to. Then again, he thought, Joey had an uncanny way of coming up with information. He hoped she didn't know everything.
Donna finally came back with the file, laying it ceremoniously on his desk. “Mr. Lyman, here's the file.”
“Thank you, Donna.” He was sick of trying to convince her. If she wanted to be that way, fine. He opened the front page, read for a minute and then threw the file back on his desk. “Donnatella Moss. This is the wrong file.”
Donna peered at it, nonplussed. “Oh,” was all she said.
Josh massaged his temples. “Donna, I'll fire you later.” He rose. “I am going down to the file room to look for the original. I will not look in your file system because your handwriting is incomprehensible to anyone but you.”
“If you must know, sir, it's a form of job security.” Donna smiled brightly.
Josh ignored it. “Take any messages,” he said, heading for the door. “I'll be a half-hour or so.”
“Fine.” Donna was unaffected by the rancor in his statement. He deserved it, she told herself. This was all his doing anyway.
She sat in Josh's chair, absentmindedly spinning. Her formal assault on Josh – she smiled at the pun – seemed to be working. And yet, she derived less and less pleasure from it. There was something in his eyes that just didn't sit right with that caring little bit of her makeup.
She forced it out of her mind as the phone rang. Josh deserved everything he was getting. “Hello?”
“TTY call,” the switchboard operator announced primly.
“Must be Ms. Lucas,” Donna said to herself. “Okay.” She attached Josh's TTY, or text telephone, to the regular phone and waited for the first message.
“Hello, this is Joey Lucas.”
“Hi,” Donna typed. “This is Donna Moss.”
“Hi, Donna. Is Josh around?” Joey typed. “I have the stats for the WHO speech.”
“No, he's not here,” Donna answered. “He's in the file room, and that could take hours.”
“Okay,” the message came back. “Will you have him call me?”
“Sure.”
“How are you, Donna?”
Donna blinked. She and Joey Lucas weren't exactly friends; it was nice of her to ask. “I'm all right, but Josh isn't,” she typed. Only after she'd hit enter did she realize that maybe it wasn't smart to tell Joey all the troubles that had been going on.
It was too late. “What's wrong with Josh?” the message came.
“Nothing.” Donna tried to hedge. “He's just … busy.”
“Busy?” The emotionless message scrolled across the TTY. “We're all busy.”
“Yeah, that's true. So is Josh.”
“Donna.”
How did her name have that kind of power? Donna sighed. “Fine.” She typed, “Some friends of ours are –” She hit the backspace button, feeling bitter. “ – want to date, but Josh is dead set against it. He's tried to break them up.”
The next message was very surprising. “Would those friends have the initials CJC and SNS?”
Donna gaped in shock. “How did you know?”
“I have my ways.” Donna could just see Joey smirking at the other end of the line. “So why don't you just tell Josh what a jerk he's being?”
“I have!” Donna typed, wishing there was a way to get more emotion into letters. “Repeatedly.”
“What have you *exactly* told him?” Joey asked.
Donna thought. “Well, I've told him that he's being a child, and also that he's immature, and that he needs to get over it.”
“Donna,” the message from Joey came back, “you really think that will work? This is Josh. He needs things spelled out for him.”
Reflecting for a moment, Donna kicked herself mentally. Of course, Joey was right. “That's true,” she typed.
“Also, maybe he's jealous.”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you know the last time Josh had a serious relationship?” Racking her brain, Donna had to reply in the negative. Joey answered, “He was twenty-six years old.”
“Seriously?” Donna did the quick math. “That's a lot of years, for that reputation.” She caught onto an even more obvious flaw. “What about you and Josh?”
“There was nothing serious there,” Joey typed. “Not of that magnitude. He's probably just lonely, Donna. Lonely and jealous.”
“What, he's in love with C.J.?”
“No.”
Donna pondered, then typed frantically, “He's in love with Sam?”
If a laugh could register over a TTY, it would have. “No – at least I don't think so. Josh is just jealous of their relationship as a whole. They're his two best friends. He feels left out.”
Donna reflected. It really did make a lot of sense. He had been acting a bit clingy, and he *never* clung. “That does add up,” she typed in answer. “I don't know why I didn't notice that about him.”
“I think you did,” Joey answered. “You just noticed subconsciously.” There was a pause, and then Joey typed a new message. “You notice everything about him, after all.”
Donna's brow furrowed. “Ms. Lucas, what are you talking about?”
“Call me Joey.”
“Fine. Joey, what are you talking about.”
Again Donna would damn the passionless letters that scrolled out of the TTY – especially with what Joey had to say. Letter by letter, her message rolled out. “You're in love with Josh.”
She couldn't breathe. Donna felt the blood flow leave her head as she digested the full implication of Joey's words.
Still, she went with her first reaction, typing furiously: “Are you nuts?”
“No, I'm not.” The response was calm and placid.
“You're crazy.” Donna laughed bitterly, typing, “I'd have to make love to him and his ego on successive nights.”
“But are you willing to do that?”
The gentle, yet insistent query was enough to get her thinking. Would she be willing to cater to his ego-trips? Would she cover for him when he screwed up and listen to his constant apologies? Would she watch as he ruined the relationship of two good people, and then tried to explain his way out of it with that goofy smile?
Her answer was an unequivocal *yes.*
“Shit,” Donna said aloud. She was in love with her boss. She was angry at him, hurt, distressed, freaked, even, but she was in love with her boss.
Finally she typed an answer. “Damn it. You're right.”
“I almost always am.” Donna laughed as another message came. “Donna, you need to talk to him. Kick him in the ass and get him to see sense. If anyone can do it, you can.”
“I will.”
“Good. And tell Josh to call me about the WHO stats. I'm here for another hour.”
Donna smiled. “Thanks a lot.”
“Goodbye, Donna.”
“Goodbye, Joey.”
She disconnected the TTY, then sat in the chair, moodily staring off into space for a moment. Then she screamed as Josh wrenched the door open, declaiming, “I found the file!”
It took her a moment to recover her breath – especially with what she was aware of now. “You scared me!”
“Well, you didn't have to scream!”
“Well, you didn't have to open the door so quickly!”
“It's my office, Donnatella!” Josh pointed out waspishly. “Who called?”
In a very guarded tone, Donna answered. “Joey Lucas.”
“Oh, good. Did she give you the stats?”
“No, she told you to call her back. We just talked for a while.”
“OK, I will.” Josh paused as a thought struck him. “What'd you two talk about?”
“Oh, nothing.” Donna really didn't want to get into this but he was pushing her buttons. “She called. She asked for you. I told her you weren't here. We talked. She hung up. End of story.”
Josh repeated his question. “Again, what did you talk about?”
Donna breathed a sigh of annoyance. She'd had it. “What a jerk you are, basically.”
Josh stared at his normally docile assistant, totally taken aback. “I … what?”
"Face it!" Donna jeered. This was her moment, and it felt good. On Sam and C.J.'s behalf she snapped, "You are a jerk. You act arrogant to cover that insecurity. Just because you haven't had a relationship in God-knows-how-long doesn't mean you should take it out on Sam and C.J."
“Donna …”
She stilled him with a snap of her wrist. “Be quiet right now, I'm not done.” She continued, attacking relentlessly. “You need a relationship, but you're too arrogant. You wouldn't know a relationship if it bit you in the ass.”
Josh pitifully fumbled for words. “What … I … Donna!”
Now she went in for the kill. “You don't think you'll ever get a serious girlfriend, or have a serious relationship ..." Donna's eyes filled with tears. "Well, I'm offering you a chance to have one."
“You are?” Josh fell silent as he absorbed what she'd just had the courage to say.
“Yes, I am.”
“But why?”
She spoke in an extremely soft voice, just loud enough for him to hear. “Because I love you.”
To say that Josh was astounded would have been an understatement. He just stared at her, asking silently why, how, when. When he spoke, however, it was very simple. “You … love me?”
Donna sniffed the tears away. “Yes. Although given how you've been acting towards Sam and C.J., I don't know why.”
Josh turned halfway from her. “Well, that's another matter.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then explain, please.”
“Well, I, uh …” Josh didn't try for too long. Finally, he just barked, “Oh, it just is!”
"Fine." Donna, now *extremely* angry, turned to go. "I tell you I love you, and not only do you not address that, you don't even tell me why you've been so mean to your two best friends." She opened the door, ready to cry.
Josh's voice rang out. “Wait! Donna, don't go. I'm sorry.” He thought frantically how to get her to stay, and then, for a surprise, decided to go with the truth. He spoke simply and calmly. “Donna, you've just dropped a bomb on me here. I'm honestly at a loss for words. I don't know what to say.” He paused. “I owe you an explanation. And you'll get it, I promise. Just not now.”
Donna wavered, and he knew he had her. But she had one stroke left. “And Sam and C.J.?” she asked rhetorically. “Are *they* going to get an explanation, too?”
Josh sighed. “I'll give it some thought, I swear.” He hazarded a cautious smile. “All right?”
Donna waited before answering. “I can accept that.” She moved to leave, saying, “It's late.” She turned back to look at him before she left, though, and he saw a smile break through. “See you in the morning, Josh.”
“Bye, Donna.” The wall was broken. Josh, though there were still some unresolved things within himself, knew in that instant that somehow he'd find a way to fix it all. He went home implausibly happy.
* * *
Once home, however, Josh found himself at a loss. He needed to call someone to discuss his good fortune. But all the usual avenues were closed.
He dismissed Joey and Leo from his mind. The former had been too smug when he talked to her last, and the latter really wouldn't give a damn. Sam? Most assuredly not. C.J.? Ditto. Toby? Definitely *not.* He obviously couldn't call Donna. Josh opened up a beer as he pondered idly. Ainsley? No!
Sighing, he realized he only had one choice. Maybe he'd get hung up on, but he had to try.
Sipping his beer, Josh went over to the phone and dialed Sam's number from memory. He wasn't drunk yet, so it came easy.
However, his friend sounded perilously close to drunkenness. “'Lo?” Sam mumbled. Josh heard the soft tones of Sinatra in the background.
Josh spoke fast, knowing that he had to. “Sam, please don't hang up –”
Click.
Damn. Josh, feeling the beer, dialled again, with the same result. This happened five more times. He picked up the phone, ready to try one last time. Something, whether it was the beer or just an impulse to talk to his friend, made him pick up the phone again.
Sam picked up on the first ring. Speaking slowly and carefully, yet with animosity all too apparent, he said, “What do I have to do to get rid of you?”
Josh seized his chance. “Hear me out.”
Sam consulted his watch. “Thirty seconds, starting … now.”
Keeping his own time, Josh spoke very fast. “Sam, I know you're really pissed off at me –”
“Damn straight,” Sam interrupted.
“ – but you have to hear me out,” Josh finished.
“Why the hell should I?”
Telling the truth seemed to have worked with Donna. “Because you're the only one I can talk to about this.”
“About what?” Josh was about to answer when he heard the sounds of breaking glass in the background, followed by a slurred, “Dammit.”
“Sam, you okay?” Old habits died hard.
“Fine. Just a beer bottle falling off the table.”
Josh pursued his line of inquiry. “How drunk are you, Sam?”
“Preeeeetty drunk.” Sam took a swallow of beer. “So, Josh, why can't you hound someone else about this little thing?”
“Because I thought you'd want to know.”
“Want to know what?”
Josh inwardly swelled with pride. “Donna told me she loved me.”
The response from Sam, however, was anticlimactic. “Finally!”
That didn't add up. “What?”
“Exactly what I said,” Sam answered sourly, thinking, *Why does he have a woman like Donna following him around when I have no one? This is not fair.* “It's old news.”
“To everyone but me!”
“Well, yeah.”
“Why didn't you tell me!??” Josh sounded shocked, as if he'd been the one betrayed.
“It'sh Donna's right to tell,” Sam slurred. “Beshides, would you have believed me?”
Josh thought for a moment. “No, I guess not.”
Sam's tone was bitter and ironic. “It'sh nice to have a woman who loves you, ishn't it, Josh?”
Josh missed the symbolism entirely. “Well, actually, it's kind of scary.”
“Maybe for you,” Sam mumbled under his breath.
Josh heard it, though. “Are you trying to tell me you weren't scared in the least of getting hurt?”
“With C.J.? Hell, no.” Sam drained the beer, letting it thwack on the countertop. “It'd have worked out all right.”
“But do you know that?” Josh pressed, his ire rising. “How do you know you two wouldn't have ended in alimony courts and harassment suits?”
“We just wouldn't, Josh!” Sam practically yelled. Josh stopped talking as his friend elaborated. “Can'tcha just let me trust my own damn judgment? If I get hurt, at least I want it to be my own choice!”
Josh was about to snap back, when he suddenly lost all will to do so. “Sam, this is ridiculous. I didn't call you to argue.”
“Really.” Sam could now officially be called drunk. “Then why'n hell did you call me?”
“Well, I wanted to tell you about what Donna said.”
“Yeah,” Sam said dully. “She loves you, lucky her. Now lee'me 'lone.”
He made to bang the phone down, but was stilled by Josh's entreaty. “Sam, wait! Please!”
“What?”
“Sam, what should I do?”
At first, Sam was disgusted. Josh had destroyed his relationship, and now he asked Sam not to destroy his? And yet, Josh sounded completely lost, which didn't happen often.
He softened, but only a bit. “About Donna?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, d'you love her?”
“How the hell should I know?”
Sam's response was delivered couched in all of his own resentment and pain, and no matter how drunk he was, it would have come out intelligible. “Oh, you'll know.”
“I see.” What Sam couldn't see was the effect those words had on Josh. His friend, no matter how much he tried to tell him it was for the best, was slowly dying inside. Whatever he felt for C.J. was so resilient that it had stood through disappointment and rejection. That was staying power. At this point, Josh was ready to give in, and instead of trying to prevent hurt, he'd just be there when Sam needed him. *If* Sam needed him. *My God,* he thought, *did I screw this one up or what?*
Aloud he said, “Let me think.”
Sam snorted. “Well if you need to think, why'dya call me?”
Josh smiled to himself. “Because I knew you'd help kick sense into me.”
Sam blinked, utterly confused. “Whatever.”
Josh continued, struck with a sudden idea. He knew he'd have to apologise, but given his friend's current state, he could have time to think about it. “Sam, tomorrow I want to talk to you. When you're sober.”
“'Kay.”
“I owe you and C.J., and also I owe Donna, explanations.”
“Damn right.”
Josh sighed. “Okay, I deserved that. But you'll get those explanations tomorrow, I swear.”
“Fine.” Sam trailed off into an incoherent series of drunken giggles.
“Sam,” Josh said carefully, “I'll talk to you tomorrow.” There was a mumble which he took to be assent. Then, softly, he added, “Thanks, pal.”
“Mmrpshgsmph.”
“Bye.”
* * *
The next morning began four different ways. For Donna it began with a cautious smile, allowing herself to be an optimist. For C.J. it commenced with a defeated sigh, wondering what more could go wrong. For Sam it started with a killer hangover and a complete unwillingness to work. And for Josh, it began with a grim determination to go kick ass at work, and in the process fix his personal life.
Sam got into work first, even with the hangover that was threatening to lay him out for the count. He said a quiet hello to Cathy, and ran into his office to hide. He lay in his chair, eyes closed, fingers pressed to throbbing temples. Last night had been a mistake. He even dimly remembered talking to Josh. *Josh!* he thought. *I must have REALLY been plastered.*
His peace was shattered by the ringing phone. Sam grabbed the receiver with surprising quickness, to save his pounding head. “Hello,” he whispered. The caller was a senator. A very angry senator, who expounded on that theme for ten minutes until Sam was ready to pass out. Finally the phone was slammed down in Sam's ear, with such force that he crawled down out of his chair, onto the floor, and stayed there, spread-eagled.
This state of affairs continued for some time until Cathy walked into the room. She saw her boss laid out on the carpet and exclaimed shrilly, “Oh my God, Sam, are you all right?”
The response came in a whisper. “I would be if you didn't yell.”
“I'm sorry.” Cathy then tried to yank Sam to his feet, an action which caused the room to spin further. Sam groaned and fell back to his knees, causing Cathy to cry, “I'm sorry!” Sam muttered unintelligibly, and his secretary further pursued the issue. “What the hell happened to you?”
Sam was still whispering. “I have an extremely bad hangover.”
Cathy was aghast. Voice rising again, she asked, “Why'd you get drunk on a work night?”
“I didn't *plan* it.” Sam tried to rise to a sitting position. “And please keep your voice down.”
“How do you plan something like that?” Cathy asked in a significantly hushed tone.
“I don't know. Cathy, you're confusing me.”
“Sorry.” Now she was whispering. “You have an appointment; want me to help you up?”
“Slowly.”
Bit by bit, Sam rose to his feet, supported by his assistant. Soon he was standing, wobbly if upright. “Who's the appointment with?” he asked weakly.
“Josh.”
“Great,” Sam mumbled. Try as he might, he couldn't remember anything of the previous night's conversation. “This day gets better and better.”
“Oh, I don't know,” Cathy chirped, “he sounded pretty good and happy. Not cranky like he's been for the past few days.”
“That means he's done something else to ruin my life,” Sam said caustically.
Cathy saw he would be pessimistic no matter what, which made her wonder. She didn't know exactly what had been going on, but she knew it wasn't good. She turned to go, saying, “I'll call you when he gets here.”
“Thank you.” Cathy closed the door and Sam tried to work without moving his head. He didn't get too far, but he kept at it.
He was halfway through the Better Business Bureau speech when the apocalypse happened. “SAM!” Cathy hollered through the closed door, her intercom having broken. “Josh is here!”
Sam cried out in pain, clutching his temples, as an annoyingly proud Josh strode through his office door. “Jeez, you look like hell,” he said, in what Sam could only suppose to be a poor effort at conversation.
Still, he could keep up. “Yeah, well, I feel worse,” Sam said pointedly. This sarcasm stuff was getting to be fun. “Do you know why, Josh?”
Instead of shooting a reply back, however, Josh merely sighed. “Okay, I deserved that.”
Sam blinked. Okay … whatever. “Did you call me last night?”
“Yeah.”
“Did I actually *talk* to you?”
“Yeah, you did. For about fifteen minutes.”
“Wow.” Sam grunted. “I *really* must have been plastered.” Josh didn't answer, so Sam inquired coolly, “Did you want something?”
Josh didn't answer, though. “You really don't remember our conversation, then?” This was good. He could start off clean, with none of last night's ill-considered remarks against him.
“Not a damn thing,” Sam answered. “I remember asking you how I could get rid of you.”
Josh grinned. “Wow.”
“Wow what?”
“Never mind.” Josh changed tacks abruptly. “Could you go get C.J. and come to my office? There's something I have to talk to you guys about.”
Sam stared at Josh incredulously. “Get C.J.?”
Josh smiled. “Yeah, could you? She's pissed at me.”
“As well she should be,” Sam shot back. “But are you sure …?”
“Yeah, Sam. Go get her.”
“Give me one reason why I should!” Sam shook his head. C.J. hadn't talked to him at all the other day. The one time they'd met, she'd averted her eyes and not spoken to him at all. He wasn't ready for that kind of complete rejection.
Josh was oblivious to his reasoning, however. “You're going to do it because I said you should. Now go.”
Sam was beaten. Besides, it'd get Josh off his back. “Fine.”
He grabbed his sunglasses, to conceal his bloodshot eyes, and left the office, head still pounding, and made his careful way down the hall. Her door was closed, and he found himself reluctant to knock. What would she do? He wasn't sure. But Sam knew he'd never forgive himself if he didn't find out.
He tapped very hesitantly on the door. After a pause her voice came. “Who is it?”
Sam cleared his throat. “It's me, Sam.”
C.J. stiffened at his voice. She crossed swiftly to the door and threw it open. “Hi, Sam.” Her voice was soft, and she smiled at him.
“Hey, C.J.” Sam found himself returning the smile. What kind of smile was it? Was it regretful? Awkward? Inviting? Damn it!
He forced himself back on task. “Josh wants us in his office.”
“For what?”
“Well, I don't think it's work-related,” Sam said dryly. “Call it a hunch.”
Her face was suddenly yet quietly bitter. “Tell him to kiss my ass,” C.J. said. She was just too angry with Josh to face him right now. Then, peering at Sam's face, she asked, “Why the sunglasses?”
Sam flushed. “No reason.”
C.J. smiled brazenly. “Take them off, then.” She willed her face to remain composed, in spite of the thought that ran through her mind at that moment. Damn, he was still so cute.
Slowly, he complied, revealing eyes so bloodshot it looked like red spiderwebs across the deep blue. “What happened to you?” C.J. asked, amused yet concerned.
Sam sighed. He'd hoped to keep this from her, though he didn't have to mention the reason. “I got plastered last night.”
“Why?!”
“No reason.”
“Riiiight.” C.J. wasn't buying it.
Still, Sam resolved, there was no way in hell he would tell her the truth. “Anyway,” he said, trying to change the subject, “let's go to Josh's office.”
It worked. “No,” C.J. said, turning back into her office.
“Please, C.J.?” For some reason, Sam found himself pleading with her. A phrase from somewhere tugged at the corner of his mind: <<You and Donna kicked some sense into me …>>
She stared at the entreating look on his face, pale as it was. It was a pleasing look, not whiny like some people when they begged. C.J. didn't even know why he was begging … unless he knew something she didn't.
She faced him and spoke decisively, keeping the slight tremor in her voice under control. “I'll come.”
“Good.” C.J. closed her office door and began to walk down the hall with Sam. But what could she say to him?
Sam, meanwhile, was thinking the same thing. What do you say to a woman who may or may not want anything to do with you?
He decided to try something. “When do you –”
Unfortunately, C.J. spoke at the same time. “I don't think –”
They both stopped and laughed. It broke the ice a bit, and for that Sam was relieved. Silence resumed, until they both did the same thing again. C.J. laughed, and Sam noted the way her eyes crinkled a bit when she smiled, and her hair was thrown back a bit. Her laugh was free and easy, with nothing to hide. It was extremely attractive.
Finally, C.J. spoke. “So what did you do yesterday?” It was the sort of banal comment exchanged between colleagues, certainly not friends or lovers.
It broke Sam's heart all over again. “Well, besides getting smashed, you mean?”
C.J. laughed again. Sam, whether from the hangover or something else, felt light-headed all of a sudden. “Well, yeah.”
“What about you?” Sam asked suddenly, turning his gaze to the floor. “How've you been?”
C.J. decided, on the spur of the moment, to be honest. “Not too good, Sam, I have to tell you.”
At that Sam swung his gaze up to meet hers. Her eyes were very revealing – hurt, anger, annoyance, pain and fear. All directed, for the moment, at him. *She doesn't love me anymore, does she?* he asked himself rhetorically. *Shit!*
C.J., meanwhile, was reading Sam's eyes and coming up with similar emotions. The pain in his eyes was astounding. It made her want to hug him, to shelter him and tell him it would all be all right. And what was the other bit … was that longing she saw? She couldn't ask him. Still, something nagged at her. *Does he still love me?* she asked herself. *Shit!*
She was about to say something more when the two of them made it to Josh's office. C.J. resigned herself to waiting until this was over before she had it out with him.
* * *
“Donna?” Sam queried, surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same,” replied Donna, mystified.
At that point Josh appeared. “Oh, good, you guys are here.” He gestured to the couch and chair. “Sit down, this'll only take a minute.”
C.J.'s tone was frosty. “I hope so, I have work to do.”
“Don't worry about it.” Josh sounded positively carefree. “Sit down.” Donna took the chair, which left Sam and C.J. awkwardly perched on Josh's couch.
Josh had to suppress a grin as he began to speak. “Donna, I'll start with you, since you helped kick sense into me first.” He sat on the corner of the desk, taking her hand and looking straight at her. “Look. I thought a lot about what you said last night. And you're right, unequivocally. I was being a jealous brat. I hadn't had a long-term relationship in a really long time, and I couldn't see Sam and C.J., my two best friends, having one. I felt left out.”
Sam and C.J. were positively shocked. They gaped in open astonishment as Josh, normally a man who had to be threatened before he'd apologise to anything, bared his reasons to them and Donna.
He continued, staring straight into his assistant's eyes. “But you helped me see that I had my head up my ass. And I thank you for that.” Leaning forward slightly, he finished the sentence. “Because I love you too, Donnatella.” Then he added punctuation by kissing her, softly and caringly.
Donna was shocked beyond words. She leaned into the kiss, feeling her eyes burn as tears started to come. She blinked them back and beamed at her boss, her smile conveying more than anything she could say.
Sam whistled softly. “*That's* what he told me last night.”
“What?” C.J. asked.
“Never mind.”
Josh then gently disengaged himself from Donna and turned to Sam and C.J. “I owe you guys a huge apology.”
“Damn right you do.” C.J. was stubborn.
“Sam, first off, you were right,” Josh said, casting a truly contrite look towards his friend. “I showed C.J. the harassment suit to scare her. I'm sorry for putting you through that, and C.J.,” he said, turning his focus, “I'm really sorry for using you like that. It was really out of line.”
C.J. sighed. “I guess it's all right. But Josh –”
He cut her off. “Please, C.J., let me finish. This is difficult.” Josh grinned briefly, then continued. “Sam, you were the second person to kick sense into me. Last night, even though you don't remember it, you said something that really made me think.”
“What was that?” Sam asked. He didn't remember anything of the sort.
“You said that if you were going to get hurt, it had better be your own damn choice.” Josh smiled, addressing his next remark to the surprised press secretary. “This guy really has it bad, C.J. No matter what I did, what I said, he kept insisting that you wouldn't hurt him, never, and even if you did, it'd be all right because it was his choice to pursue you.”
Sam went red in the face as C.J. chuckled fondly. Josh continued. “I was trying to save you guys from screwing up, 'cause you two are such good friends that if you broke up this whole Wing would be thrown out of whack. But I guess that's your call to make.”
“Thank you, Josh.” Sam smiled, the first real smile since the beginning of a few days ago.
C.J., however, still wasn't convinced. “Josh, I appreciate your apology. I really do. But you just can't get out of this that easy.”
“I can't?” Josh looked crestfallen.
“No.” C.J. answered definitively. “I just don't understand why you thought you could interfere like that.”
“Well, because you two are my best friends.”
“That's not good enough.” Josh flinched at the hard tone in C.J.'s words. “You're our friend, that's true. Not someone who can make those kinds of decisions. You had *no right* whatsoever to even think about breaking us apart.”
It was at that point that Sam let himself hope. This didn't sound like a woman trying to put a bad relationship behind her.
Josh, however, put it calmly. “C.J., I understand. Frankly, I'd still be pissed at me if I were you. But this is the best I can do.” He shrugged. “I screwed up. Badly. I stuck my nose where I had no business being. What else can I say?”
*I know what you can say,* C.J. thought. *You can tell Sam how I really feel!* But outwardly, she said, “Josh, you can say that you won't *ever* do this again. You can say that whoever I choose to date, I can date. Even if it's …” She waved a hand. “I don't know. If I decide to date Vice President Hoynes, you can say you won't do a damn thing about it.”
“I promise, C.J. Whoever you choose.” Josh wasn't kidding. He wanted things to be all right with C.J. Suddenly, he thought of a way to ensure that all would be well. “But I want you to do one thing for me.” It was so plainly obvious, now that he looked. The way Sam stared at C.J. The way C.J. waited just a bit too long to stand up from her place next to Sam. And the way neither of them spoke to the other.
C.J. raised her eyebrows. “What do you want, Josh?”
Josh said it with a smile. “I want you to tell Sam how you really feel. And Sam, if you don't kiss her quick I will kick your ass.”
Sam felt the breath catch in his chest. “C.J.?”
She turned to him, eyes alight with hope. “Sam, I'd really like to try this again,” C.J. said, smile playing on the corners of her mouth. “That is, if you want to.”
“Definitely.” Not caring if Josh and Donna were watching, Sam caught C.J. up in a fierce hug, and then kissed her for all he was worth.
Even though he gave his wholehearted support to such a scheme, it wasn't long before Josh began to get uncomfortable. “Get a room, you guys, come on.”
Instead of answering, Sam found a suitable nonverbal reply. He reached up to stroke C.J.'s hair, and in the process of moving his hand, shot Josh the middle finger, for a full five seconds.
Josh had to laugh. Besides, he'd thought of a way to pass the time. He winked at Donna, whose arms were instantly around his neck. He'd find a way to explain this to Leo, but somehow he'd do it. For now he was just happy being where he was.
The last thing he did before kissing Donna was to sidle over and close the door with his foot. It closed with a soft thump, leaving the two couples to themselves inside the office.
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