Over the part 2½ years the Bartlett administration has been through a lot and when you're working hours which don't really allow you a social life, you tend to grow close to the people you work with so when you do something unthinkingly which hurts one of the people you care about you feel twice as bad and twice as guilty.

Today I told Stephanie what to say to make Sam help her, only he figured out that I told her what to say and it hurt him to think that I thought of him as someone who likes to show off that he advisers the President and really, I know he's not, I just... wasn't thinking.

# And if I don't need your touch,
Why do I miss you so much? Tonight.
If it's just infatuation,
Why is my heart achin'?
To hold you forever,
Give a part of me I never,
Give again to somebody I could lose,
If I'm not in love with you. #

He knows I'm sorry and he told me it was ok. But I feel like I've kicked him while he's down and believe me it's the last thing I'd do to anybody least of all Sam. I care about him and seeing him the way he is now and knowing I've contributed to it hurts a lot.

I talked to CJ just before we all left the West Wing for the bar and she told me it was ok, that Sam understood and everything would be fine in the morning, but it really doesn't make me feel any better.

# Oh why in every fantasy,
Do I feel your arms embracing me?
Like lovers lost in sweet desire,
And why in dreams do I surrender,
Like a little baby
, Someone help explain this feeling,
Someone tell me. #

Sam and I shared a taxi home and considering the plan was to go out and get him drunk he's remarkably sober which is why it's me in this cab and not Toby but he was needed to help Josh to bed, anyway, I told him again how sorry I was and he repeated that it was fine and he knew I just wanted to help Stephanie then he looked at me for a second before leaning over and kissing me softly. To say I was shocked was an understatement; I didn't think he felt the same for me as I did for him. Then he pulled back and said goodnight before I climbed out of the cab and headed towards my apartment and here I am sat on the couch trying to make sense of things... because try as I might I can't figure it out... What the hell happened tonight?

# If I'm not in love with you,
What is this I'm going through? Tonight.
And if this heart is lying then, What should I believe in?
Why do I go crazy?
Every time I think about you baby,
Why else to I want you like I do,
If I'm not in love with you. #