Healing the Wounds
Joy Renee
Cathy looked up as Mallory stormed out of Sam's office. She got up and walked over to his doorway. Cathy had long since stopped being surprised at Sam's defeated posture whenever he'd been with Mallory. She stood silently for a moment before jarring him back to reality.
“Sam.”
“What?” He answered without bothering to look up.
Cathy knew the best thing for him now was to throw work at him. “Senator Xavier called to reschedule you 3:30 about the revisions to the transportation bill. I moved it to 1.” Sam looks at his watch as Cathy offers, “You have about 45 minutes.”
Sam begins to babble about which files she should pull before his meeting as Cathy begins to place each file, one by one, on the desk in front of him.
Sam looks up and gives a weak, but grateful smile before Cathy walks out.
After a minute, Josh saunters in, barely knocking on the door. “Hey Sam, what's up?”
Sam shuffles through the files on his desk as he responds, “I'm meeting with Xavier in about half an hour.”
“Is that transportation bill still on the floor? Wow. Well anyway, there's a Mel Brooks marathon in the White House Screening Room tonight, you up for it?”
“No. Apparently I'm taking Mallory to dinner.”
“You sound enthused.”
“Right. I am. Really.”
“Oh well, we'll grab dinner this weekend or something.”
At this second mention of food Sam's stomach grumbles and he realizes his rescheduled meeting just wiped out lunch. Cathy enters with a bottle of water and a Styrofoam container.
“What's this?”
“Turkey sandwich, fries. You don't have time to get lunch before you're meeting and when you come back you'll forget.”
“Thanks Cathy.”
“It's my job to look out for you.”
Sam's mumbled “Glad someone is.” was barely audible, but Cathy & Josh both heard and understood. They exchanged a look on Cathy's way out and she was about close the door behind her when Toby came in rubbing his head.
“Sam, go see Ainsley.” Toby was actually about to leave after that, but Sam yelled after him.
“Wait! Why? Toby!”
Toby reentered the room and explained that he needed Sam to craft a statement before CJ's next press briefing. Congressman Shallick accused the Bartlet administration of pursuing new education legislation that was unconstitutional. It needed a response and Toby wanted Sam to get the input of their resident Republican.
Sam protested weakly, “I have the thing with Xavier.”
“Josh can go.”
Josh, a little startled, agreed, “Yeah, I got it.”
“Okay,” Sam agreed as he got up. “Does Ainsley know about this?”
“Nope, you can tell her when you get down there,” Toby answered as he finally got to leave.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sam wandered down to the basement carrying his turkey sandwich and fries. Sam may not be the most observant man when it came to the opposite sex, but he did know one thing about Ainsley. She would be hungry.
“Hey,” he knocked softly on the door to her office.
“Hi Sam, what are you doing down here?
“There's a thing.”
“Oh Lord, what now?” Ainsley sank back in her seat.
Sam explained Toby's concern over Henry Shallick's remarks and that they only had about an hour before the next press briefing.
“Well, that's not true and Shallick's not an idiot, he knows it's not true. He's trying to goad you into a fight.” Ainsley sounded as frustrated as Sam felt.
“Seems like there's a lot of that going around,” Sam quietly remarked as he stared off into space.
“Sam, I haven't baited you into a fight in weeks. Well, days anyway, what are you talking about?”
Sam hadn't realized he's spoken out loud. Actually, he'd barely realized how he had begun to feel about Mallory. “It's nothing,” he responded.
Ainsley stared at him for a few seconds. “Is someone on your case about something, because they should know that's my job.” She was a little surprised at this sudden urge to protect Sam. She quickly grounded herself. Sam had gone to bat for her more than once, they were friends and friends look out for each other. She laughed a little hoping he would sense her concern.
“Yeah, actually, I'd like to see you two go at it, I wouldn't know who to put my money on.” Sam began to laugh a little and felt himself breathe a little easier. Ainsley decided not to push him on what was bothering him and instead turned their conversation back to work. Sam and Ainsley bantered, bickered, discussed and debated and in less than an hour handed Toby a beautifully crafted, logical precise argument against Shallick's earlier speech.
~~~~~~~~~
Sam and Mallory had barely been seated at Old Ebbitt's when Mallory not-so-gently reminded Sam that this was not a date. This was merely her being gracious enough to give him a chance to get back into her good graces. They then went on to have a perfectly normal conversation & Sam was just beginning to relax when he felt the vibration in his coat pocket alerting him that his pager was about to chime.
“Mal, I want you to know that this is in no way an indication of your value to me”
“What is? Or isn't? What are you talking…?
The pager chimed and Mallory rolled her eyes. Sam checked the number while apologizing profusely. “I'll be right back,” he offered, as he dashed off to the phone.
Mallory already had her tirade ready when he came back. “I can't believe you can't spare one solid hour of your time for me. It's not that I don't know that what you do is important, but should I be important to you too?”
“Mal, I'm really sorry.” And he was gone. Mallory sat at the table fuming over the rest of her dinner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“We need to have a talk about your priorities.” Mallory stormed into his office. Cathy had tried to slow her down long enough for Sam to hear her coming, but it couldn't be done.
“What's wrong with my priorities?” Sam lowered his head and waited.
“I need to know that I am one. Sam, I can't keep running along hoping to show up on your radar screen every now & then. I need more from you.”
That was when Sam realized it. He was never going to win. He couldn't make the promises that Mallory needed him to make & nothing else was ever going to satisfy her. “Mallory, I'm not sure what you want me to say here, but I don't know if I can say it. Besides, you should really be getting to school.” With that, he stood and walked toward the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that day, Sam was standing in the back of the press room watching CJ's latest briefing. He'd shared Ainsley's concerns with Toby that Shallick was just trying to goad them into a fight, although none of them had yet figured out why. He was about to make his way back to his office when he quite literally bumped into Ainsley.
“Omigod, Sam, I'm so sorry,” Ainsley apologized as they picked themselves up off the floor. Sam was equally apologetic though less articulate.
“Oh, hey, I'm sorry Ainsley, I wasn't looking. Forgive me if I can't offer a better apology than that, I'm kind of all-apologized-out for today.” He turned to go.
“Sam, what's going on with you?”
“I don't want to talk about it, I don't have time and I wouldn't know where to start.”
“I'll buy you a drink after work, you can start wherever you like.” Her smile was oddly comforting to him considering how uncomfortable she had made him in the past.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drink turned into dinner because, well it was Ainsley. They were arguing over every political issue Sam could come up with to avoid talking about Mallory. That's when it hit him. “Ainsley, do you think I'm stupid?” She was completely caught off guard because she felt his seriousness.
“Of course not, where did that come from?
“Well, I just realized we argue all the time. There's really very little we agree on.” She nodded, it's not as if this was any startling new revelation. He continued, “Well I was just thinking, you must think that every thought in my head is wrong. So I was wondering if you thought I was stupid.”
“Sam, you're brilliant and we both know that. Just because I don't always agree with your logic or your decisions doesn't mean I think you're starting from zero. Besides, if I thought you were stupid I wouldn't bother arguing with you.”
“Okay.”
“That's it? All I get is 'Okay?' after you make a comment that we really should be past by now? Come on Sam, what's going on?”
“It's personal”
“Well it's certainly affecting you personally.”
“No I just… I meant I didn't know if you wanted to hear about it.”
“Sam, you're my friend and I'm trying to be yours. But you're making it kind of difficult.”
“Gee, I must have picked that up from someone.”
“Sam, insulting me is not endearing you to me.”
Sam quickly realized how it sounded. “No, no, not you. I'm sorry. I guess now I really do have to tell you.”
“I'm listening.”
“Okay, you know I was seeing Leo's daughter Mallory?” Ainsley nodded, she was only vaguely aware of it. “Well, she's not happy with our relationship.”
Ainsley suddenly felt a swell of anger toward the woman who she'd never met for making Sam so miserable. Didn't she know how lucky she was? Sam was a wonderful, brilliant, charming sexy… whoa, where did that come from? “Well, what seems to be the problem?” she asked, hoping to derail her last train of thought.
“She wants something I can't give her. I'm not even sure what it is, but she's not satisfied with me.”
“Well, how do you feel?” Ainsley suddenly realized that Leo's daughter must be insane. How could any woman not be satisfied with Sam? Oh God, she was doing it again.
“I'm tired.”
“Tired?”
“Whenever I'm with Mallory I feel like I'm in a boxing match & I don't even have my trunks on.” Ainsley hoped her face didn't give away her thoughts at that moment.
“Ainsley, it's getting late and this really isn't your problem, but thanks for listening.”
“Anytime, Sam.” Sam walked Ainsley to her car and thanked her again. He leaned over and gave her a hug. He thought back over the last seven months trying to figure out when she'd become so important to him. She thought back over the last few hours and tried to figure out how not to fall in love with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next day, Sam sat in Josh's office relating his last few encounters with Mallory. Josh surprised them both by advising him to end it.
“Look, Sam, I know I'm not the best person to give advice on relationships. But you're like a brother to me and this is serious. I know you don't want to talk about her, but you're headed into a situation dangerously similar to your relationship with Lisa.” Sam groaned at the mention of his ex-fiancée's name. “You confided in me that you never felt Lisa understood you. You said she never appreciated you or what was important to you. I watched her steal little pieces of you and you let it happen. And I didn't say anything because you said you loved her. But you didn't. You couldn't, because you didn't even feel like a whole person when you were with her.” Sam stayed silent because he knew it was all true. He wasn't sure if he was about to cry, but it wouldn't be new to Josh so he just sat there. “And you look like you're going right back there with Mallory. Look, I don't think Mallory's a bad person, but I don't think that you think she's right for you. So let go.” Sam looked up at Josh and nodded. He knew Josh was right.
“Yeah, it doesn't feel right and I don't guess it's going to change.”
“Hey Sam, one more thing, “ Josh pulled his friend into a friendly embrace, and made a plea. “Don't tell Leo I told you to break up with his daughter, okay?” The men laughed and Sam felt much better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That afternoon Mallory made one of her impromptu appearances in Sam's office. She would probably regret that later. They had another fight, apparently resulting from the fact that Sam had failed to call her after their last fight.
“Why is everything a test with you? Is this a teacher thing?
”Sam, stop trying to change the subject.”
”God, Mallory, why do you make it so hard to be with you?”
“You're the one making this difficult. I just want to know when you're going to do the right thing.”
“I'm doing it now. Mallory, I don't think we should see each other anymore. It's not working and we both know it.”
“Fine. You think you just want to end it? Fine. But, you're wrong Sam Seaborn. You're going to come begging me to take you back. Begging, Sam.” And she walked out. Sam thought he should have felt worse. But he didn't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ainsley was sitting in her office, trying to force herself to stop thinking about Sam. When she heard his voice calling her name she thought she was hallucinating at first.
“Ainsley? You okay?” Sam leaned over and tapped her shoulder.
Ainsley nodded. “I'm sorry, Sam, I guess I was just lost in thought. What can I do for you?”
“I just thought I'd come say hi.”
“Hi.” Ainsley smiled but she was afraid she was blushing. Oh well she could just blame it on the heat.
“And I wanted to thank you again for last night. It really helped.”
“You're welcome Sam, but I really didn't do anything,” Except maybe fall in love with you, she silently added.
“No, you reminded me that arguing doesn't have to feel like a mugging.” They talked for a while and Ainsley silently prayed that Sam didn't notice her eyes light up when he told her he'd broken up with Mallory. She decided to edge out onto a limb and ask him out to dinner. Besides, she actually was hungry.
Over dinner Sam noted how relaxed he felt with Ainsley, and though they definitely argued, he felt fired up instead of worn down. Even so he was pretty surprised when one of her broad grins stirred something he didn't quite expect. He pushed it out of his mind until they parted for the night. Although he knew he'd be thinking about it for a while.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After a couple of days Mallory showed up in Sam's office.
“Are you ever in school?”
“Don't try to get cute.”
“No I mean it, you're a fourth-grade teacher and you've been in my office four times in the last week and a half.”
”So I guess you think you're being a big, strong man by not admitting that you miss me.”
“No, I didn't say I don't miss you. I miss a lot of things about you. Just not everything.”
“I knew you couldn't stick this out, my father said this was a bad a idea, but I had to try.:
“Mallory, you never tried. I tried. You never gave me a chance.”
“I gave you a hundred chances!”
“No! You gave me a hundred opportunities not to meet you expectations. It didn't matter what I said or what I did. It would never have been enough!”
Cathy enters and tells Sam that he has to go see Josh. From the look on her face, he knew she was lying, but he took the opportunity and left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ainsley didn't know that Mallory was in Sam's office. In fact she had no idea that Sam had even spoken to her since they broke up. So when she strolled upstairs to check in on him she was totally caught off guard. And before Cathy could decide whether or not to warn Ainsley, the opportunity was gone.
“Hey Sam, you wanna go for a drink or-“
“Sam's not here.”
“You must be Mallory, it's nice to meet you.” Ainsley hoped the fiery redhead couldn't tell that she was lying. “I'm Ainsley-“
”Ainsley Hayes, I know who you are. So, from that invitation should I assume you're the reason Sam hasn't come to his senses yet?”
“You think it would be sensible of him to stay with you?” Ainsley knew Sam wouldn't want her to tell Mallory off, well at least not without his being there to witness it. But she felt she was being goaded and if Mallory expected her to back done like Sam had, well she obviously didn't know enough about her.
“I'm good for him.”
“You're not even good to him.”
“What do you know? Last I heard, you and Sam could barely stand each other.” Mallory instantly realized her mistake. If Ainsley and Sam weren't at least friends, Ainsley wouldn't be standing in front of her about to knock her head off.
“Well, let's call that exhibit A. You have no idea what's going on in his life. Most likely because you don't want to. We all know Sam'll talk your ear off if you'll listen. And as for what I know, I know that Sam is barely Sam when you're through with him.”
“Oh and that's so horrible? My wanting him to be a better man?”
“You don't want him to be better, you want him to be different. And considering how wonderful he is, yeah, that's a horrible thing.” Ainsley knew her feelings were about to pour out all over the floor, but with any luck Mallory either wouldn't tell Sam or he wouldn't believe her. With a lot of luck he'd never see Mallory again anyway. “You don't want Sam's love. You don't even really want Sam. You want to be in control, you want to be put on a pedestal and worshipped. Well, if you had any inkling of how amazing a man Sam Seaborn is, you'd know how deeply he worships the people he loves. The irony here, Mallory, is that you've cheated yourself out of everything you wanted and more. So if you're done proving what an idiot you are, do Sam a favor and leave him alone!” Ainsley stormed out of the office, leaving Mallory speechless. As the blonde blur whizzed past her desk, Cathy silently forgave Ainsley for kicking Sam's ass on tv.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hi Mallory, I didn't know you were here.”
”Yeah, hi Margaret. Is my dad in?”
“He's just finishing up a conference call, should be free in a sec. Have a seat.”
”Thanks.”
“Are you okay, Mal? Can I get you some water or something?”
”No, no thanks I'm fine.” Mallory was still reeling from her confrontation with Ainsley, but she wasn't quite ready to accept that there had been any truth to the tirade. Instead, she concentrated on staying angry with Sam.
Leo had already finished his call when Margaret told him that Mallory was waiting for him. She hesitated and then added that something was definitely bothering her.
“Hey kid, what's going on?”
“Hi Daddy.”
Leo put an arm around her and guided her into his office. “Alright kid, you came to see me because you want to tell me something. So tell.”
“I want you to make Sam Seaborn's life difficult and miserable for as long as you have any control over it.”
“Well, I do that on a daily basis anyway, you wanna tell me why?”
“He's being impossible and now he must have told that blond thing something horrible about me because she just yelled at me.”
Leo had seen Ainsley's crush on Sam coming for a while now, his knight in shining honor routing had that effect sometimes. He'd also seen Sam's frustration with Mallory building and had hoped it wouldn't come to this before Mallory had a chance to realize what was going on. “I knew this thing with you dating Sam was a bad idea. I wanted to be wrong, but I saw this coming from day one.” Leo got up and started pacing his office.
“I should have listened to you, Daddy. Sam isn't right for me. I can barely hold his attention for 15 minutes. He's always running out to take care of everything and everyone but me….” Mallory would have rambled on about Sam's inability to handle an adult relationship when Leo stopped her.
“No, Mal, that's not what I meant.”
“Well what did you mean, Daddy?” Mallory felt her father's seriousness as he sat and turned to face her.
“Mallory, Sam's not me.”
“Daddy, what are you talking about?” Mallory was starting to feel that same pit in her stomach as before when Ainsley started her rant.
“Mallory, you're so worried that Sam was going to make the same mistakes I did that you've been pretty unfair to him. My job came between your mother and I and I know that hurt you and I'm so sorry. I don't know whether you were testing him or if you were punishing him because you couldn't punish me, but I do know you've had Sam in the doghouse since you met him. It was only a matter of time before he got tired of it and ran away.”
By now Mallory was sobbing. She wasn't sure if she believed everything she'd just heard, but she was suddenly aware of Sam's perspective. She suddenly felt an acute sense of loss for the relationship she could have had with Sam. She suddenly felt overwhelmingly ashamed. Leo wrapped his arms around his daughter and blamed himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey there slugger.” Sam knocked on Ainsley's door.
“Hey Sa- what did you call me?”
“Cathy told me you went three rounds with Mallory in my office.”
“Oh God. Has anybody told Leo yet? Am I fired?”
Sam was a little embarrassed that he hadn't thought about how Leo would take the scene. For all he knew Leo might fire them both. He trusted Leo, but Mallory is his only daughter and she wasn't happy. “I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just sorry I missed it.”
Ainsley laughed a little because she knew Sam was telling the truth. Sam laughed with her, but then added “Thanks for, you know, standing up for me.” Sam smiled at her wondering how to ask what he wanted to ask. It must have shown on his face.
“Sam?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you not sure? I mean about breaking it off with Mallory?”
”No. I was just … I was thinking about something Cathy said. She said she'd never want to get between you and something you cared about.” Sam studied Ainsley's face carefully before continuing, searching for any sign that he shouldn't be going there. “Ainsley, I've been thinking a lot about you. I mean it wasn't until just recently … I mean, spending time with you… I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my relationship with Mallory until … You kicked my ass. On television no less. But honestly, I never felt like I'd been beaten,” Sam laughed at Ainsley's disbelieving facial expression. “I mean you definitely beat me, but it wasn't over. And I knew that I could beat you, you weren't so consumed with winning that you'd change the rules every ten minutes.”
Ainsley understood. Sam was able to see the flaws in his relationship with Mallory because he's held their relationship up for contrast. But the real question now was why he did that in the first place.
“Sam, when did you start comparing me to your girlfriend?”
“I don't know. And she was never my girlfriend. But I've always been more relaxed around you. Or more natural anyway.” Sam reached out and traced a finger down Ainsley's cheek. “This just feels right. That never did.” Ainsley took a deep breath and tried to let it all sink in. It was one comparison too many.
“Sam, I can't be this girl.”
“What girl?”
“The rebound girl. It's barely been two whole days since you broke up with her. I don't want you to be with me just because I'm not Mallory. You need time to heal.”
Sam wasn't sure how to react. He hadn't actually thought about how remarkably bad his timing was right now. His mind ran back over the last couple of days & it seemed like so much longer than that. He thought about what Ainsley had just said to him and about how much he didn't want to make a misstep here.
“Okay, I can wait.”
“Just like that?”
“Sure. I just spent the last two days figuring out what's important to me. I think I can wait for you to be more comfortable with this. Besides, Cathy likes you now, I'm not allowed to mess this up.”
”Now?”
“Yeah, you kicked my ass, remember? Cathy's very protective of me.”
“Tell her that makes two of us.”
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