Adeste Fideles:
Act I


Kasey

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ACT I

INT. Leo's office - Early morning

Senior Staff is sitting around as we join the meeting in progress.

LEO:
He claims he's going to leave on time this year.

CJ:
We all know that's not gonna happen.

LEO:
He's got nothing scheduled after the thing at 9 which should be over by 10 and he's estimated he'll leave at 11.

JOSH:
Leo, in all the time you've known the President, has he EVER left on time?

LEO:
He says he's made a New Year's Resolution to be on time.

SAM:
Christmas Eve is a week before New Year's.

JOSH:
Yeah - the resolution is to be on time for NEXT year's Christmas dinner.

TOBY:
He'll accomplish that if he leaves at 11 this year.

LEO:
Anything else?

SAM:
Yeah. Josh wanted me to mention that-

TOBY:
Josh wanted you to mention?

SAM:
Yeah.

LEO:
Is there a reason Josh can't mention it himself?

SAM:
Absolutely no reason, other than he's too scared to bring it up because he thinks it'll be sticking his head in the lion's mouth.

JOSH:
Hey!

SAM:
Scared chicken.

LEO:
Could we please?

SAM:
Yeah. Five women's groups are angry because there aren't enough women in Congress.

CJ:
There aren't enough women in Congress.

SAM:
We know that.

LEO:
Why's this a thing?

SAM:
Because they think it's our fault. They think we should have more aggressively promoted the women candidates.

LEO:
Who all is it?

JOSH:
Women's Action League, Aviva, National Foundation for Women Legislators, Center for the American Woman and Politics, and EMILY's List.

TOBY:
(Seriously)
Wow, CJ. You've only worked for two of 'em.

CJ throws a pillow at him.

SAM:
So what do we do about it?

LEO:
It's not like we can just appoint women to Congress. We say it's not our fault, we move on.

CJ:
We can't just appoint women to Congress but the White House decides who it backs and we don't back nearly as many women as we do men.

LEO:
There aren't as many women RUNNING as there are men, so-

CJ:
Leo.

LEO:
We're not gonna get dragged into a fight over something we can't change. What's next? Nothing? Excellent.

All of them stand, gather up their notebooks, and leave. All of them except CJ.

CJ:
Y'know, Leo-

LEO:
Yes. I do.

CJ:
Really?

LEO:
Yes. I know you're big with the sisterhood and all that, but you can't -

CJ:
I know.

LEO:
You don't work for NOW, you work for us, and in this case they're lunatics.

CJ:
Yes.

LEO:
Got it?

CJ:
Yeah. Can I just ask one thing?

LEO:
(Mumbles)
Can I stop you?

CJ:
Can I just ask that you never say "the sisterhood" again? It's vaguely…creepy.

LEO:
(With something resembling a smile)
Yeah.

CJ:
(Beat) Anyway. I'm gonna go do morning notes.

LEO:
Yeah.

She leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. Sam's Office - Day

He is sitting at his desk looking tired and a little uneasy. JOSH enters and sits down. Sam looks up.

JOSH:
So here's the thing with the groups - are you okay?

SAM:
Yeah.

JOSH:
You look like-

SAM:
I'm fine.

JOSH:
You look like you haven't been sleeping.

SAM:
When's the last time any of us slept? We work in the White House, remember?

JOSH:
Fair point.

SAM:
So what's the thing with the groups?

JOSH:
I'm sorry?

SAM:
You were starting to say something about the thing with the groups, I'm assuming the women's groups though you didn't get a chance to say because you were too busy asking a stupid question.

JOSH:
Yeah. The National Foundation for Women Legislators made a note on the website about the lack of women elected to Congress last November, from there Aviva picked it up, then the rest of 'em all at right about the same time, so now NOW's getting into the action.

SAM:
It's not like there's something we can do about it without, y'know, disavowing the Constitution.

JOSH:
They want us to support a long list of things in reparation.

SAM:
Reparation for what?

JOSH:
For people being stupid.

SAM:
If we did reparations for people being stupid, do you have any idea how much money would get paid out?

JOSH:
They don't want money.

SAM:
Lemme guess: The ERA and full federal funding for abortions.

JOSH:
You forgot guaranteed full removal of the glass ceiling.

SAM:
Yeah, 'cause that's another thing we control.

JOSH:
So I'm predicting I'm gonna be forced to go talk to someone 'cause Mrs. Bartlet'll make me.

SAM:
Have fun.

JOSH:
Yeah. (Beat) You're sure you're okay?

SAM:
Yeah, I'm fine.

JOSH:
I just mean 'cause it's Christmas and you sometimes…y'know…'cause of-

SAM:
Josh, I'm fine.

JOSH:
You going anywhere for the holidays?

SAM:
Nah, I learned my lesson the year I tried to go to Bermuda and never got further than Laurie's house.

JOSH:
(Smiles)
Yeah.

SAM:
So. Yeah, but…let's drop it, okay?

JOSH:
Yeah.

He stands and leaves and Sam flips on his television, which is playing CJ's briefing.

CUT TO:

INT. Briefing Room - Day

CJ:
Obviously the characterization is both wrong and off-base. Who's got questions.

Reporters clamor.

CJ:
Mike.

MIKE:
CJ, is the White House prepared to say that it DOES back enough women candidates?

CJ:
What the White House is prepared to say is that it does not appoint people to Congress, that the members of Congress are elected by the people that make up the country, and that it's therefor not the fault of the White House if there's an imbalance, it's the fault of the constituents.

TOBY stands behind the window at the back of the Press Room.

CJ:
(cont.)
Katie.

KATIE:
CJ, is there anything changing in the way of the President's plans or are we still-

CJ:
We're still planning on trying to get him out of here starting at about 11, so…

KATIE:
Probably about 1?

CJ:
Yeah. There'll be a briefing from the White House Social Office at 11, I'll see you all back here at 12:30, thank you, that's all.

She steps down from the podium and walks out of the room, and TOBY meets her in the hall.

TOBY:
Good job in there.

CJ:
Thanks.

TOBY:
You sounded like you actually meant it.

CJ:
I didn't say anything I didn't mean, I just didn't say what I did mean, it's called the art of…something…

TOBY:
I can see that.

CJ:
What do you need?

TOBY:
The President's going to be addressing the National Teachers Conference in Richmond next month.

CJ:
Okay.

TOBY:
Just letting you know there might be questions once it's officially announced.

CJ:
What sorts of things will he be saying?

TOBY:
CJ-

CJ:
You said there'll be questions once it's announced, and if there are going to be questions, that'll be one of them.

TOBY:
It'll be…vouchers and gifted ed. and maybe school prayer.

CJ:
We're still against the last one, right?

TOBY:
Yeah.

CJ:
'Cause, y'know, we used to be against the first one, too, but then a couple years ago it changed.

TOBY:
We're in favour of vouchers and gifted education.

CJ:
Well at least the second one's a good thing.

TOBY:
CJ-

CJ:
I'm just sayin'.

TOBY:
Yeah. It's policy now, CJ, has been for, like, a year and a half now.

CJ:
No uniforms?

TOBY:
Not anymore, no.

CJ:
Because that's another thing we used to be against and then were in favour of just in time for re-election campaign-

TOBY:
Then we found out it was probably an unconstitutional thing to suggest.

CJ:
Ah. The devil's in the details, isn't it?

TOBY:
Absolutely.

They go off their separate ways.

FADE TO COMMERCIAL. END ACT I

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Act II

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