I've thought about it every minute of every hour of every day since he told me. Somewhere in the back of my mind there's... every time it's silent, I hear Leo's voice telling me, every time I close my eyes I see the press conference...

I'm not pissed he didn't apologize to the people. I don't think it's any of their damn business. There are a lot of things about him they don't know, which must drive the papparazzi mad, but he has things he doesn't tell them. And, as Leo says, there are two things you don't ever wanna let people see how they're mad - laws and sausages.

So a lot goes on in the White House that most people don't know about. Most of 'em don't care until or unless the news tells them to, at which point they start acting like we've blindsided them.

And then, at some point, they stop caring.

We're not them.

We don't stop caring, we don't ignore the process, we don't pay attention only when told to by the media. We have lived and DIED for President Bartlet, we have worked ourselves and pushed ourselves past our capacity and we've done it in the name of honest, noble deeds.

We do it because he's a great man and a great president and we would walk into FIRE for him. The President and Leo, both.

We have walked through fire.

And now we bounce uneasily on the balls of our feet as we wait to cross the coals again.

I apologized to Leo because it was the right thing to do, I suppose - you're not supposed to raise your voice to the Chief of Staff or the President. To Toby, sometimes, to Josh sure 'cause that's how he argues with lots of shouting. But not to the leaders.

So I apologized.

He still hasn't.

He lied to us, he hid this from us, he didn't tell ANY of us until he knew he HAD to.

Hell, he didn't tell any of us but Toby. He made Leo do it.

He copped out. Got his best friend to do it. Like askin' out a girl to Homecoming or something.

Which makes me wonder: what else hasn't he told us? What else have we been lied to and deceived about? When else has he lied to us about things so important, so essential...

Is there another shoe about to drop? Another thing he's gonna blindside us with?

We are so totally screwed.