When Love is Gone
Kasey
She got home about ten minutes after I did, looking tired after work. I already had dinner on the table and a big ol' grin on my face when she put down her bag and coat. She gave me a look as if to say "What's up?" and I just grinned a little wider in return. She sat down at the table and looked at the food...then looked at me...then looked back at the food...then back at me... "Okay, Sam, what's going on?"
"What makes you think something's up?"
"I'm saying you haven't been smiling so much since-...I don't know, I don't think ever. The closest I've seen you to smiling this much was the night you proposed. So what gives?"
"Lisa, I have an idea I want you to pitch to your editor." It was all part of my great plan to keep us together while I was on the campaign trail. She looked intrigued...and a little nervous. "Inside Election 98."
"What?"
"You go along as a...not really a beat writer but...something, you go along the campaign trail and write about the adventures in politics you encounter."
"Sam, I write for Vanity Fair."
"I know that - I'm saying they can cover the presidency, too, y'know, they've covered a couple people who've worked in the White House, a couple Senators..."
"Yeah, but...why?"
"Because then you can go to New Hampshire with me."
"Wait - why are you going to New Hampshire? What's in New Hampshire?"
"Governor Bartlet."
"Who?"
I tried not to give an exasperated sigh. "He's running for president."
"I thought the guy from Texas had it sewn up."
"We're gonna give him a run for his money."
"I'm sorry - you and who?"
"Josh Lyman."
She groaned - she and Josh have NEVER gotten along. Mostly he thinks I'm too good for her and she doesn't understand why I'm friends with someone like that. But he's my best friend and she's my fiancee and I'm not gonna choose one over the other, that'd just be wrong. "I should've known-"
"Lise?"
"I should've KNOWN he was behind all this!"
"Behind all what?"
"I'm not going to New Hampshire, Sam."
"Why not? It'd be a great story-"
"I don't do politics. You know that. That's your job. It'd be like having you do fashion commentary or something. I don't know anything ABOUT politics-"
"I could teach you!"
"NO." She replied fiercely. "I'm sick of you 'explaining' things to me and being all placating, Sam, I'm not stupid. I'm not a moron. I don't need you to 'teach' me things like I'm a little girl!"
"...That's not what I was trying to do, Lisa, really..."
"Yeah, sure, well, okay. But I'm not going and neither are you."
"What? Why not?" And since when did she get to tell me what I could and couldn't do?
"For one thing, you already have a job here. And please don't tell me you already-"
"I quit Gage Whitney."
"Sam!"
"I hated it there, Lisa, it was all...it was a mockery. Of everything and everyone that is right. It was a mockery of all that. Of everything I believe in. I couldn't stay there- then Josh offered me this and so I didn't have to-"
She pushed her chair quickly and fiercely back from the table and stormed out of the apartment.
//There was a time when I was sure
That you and I were truly one
That our future was forever
And would never come undone..//
The door opened again for a brief moment, and I leapt up from the table. "Lisa, please, just hear me ou-" Something came hurtling at my head and landed on the counter after hitting the cabinets behind me.
Her engagement ring. The one I gave her, she just...she threw it at me and stormed out again...
//And we came so close
To being close
And though you cared for me
There's distance in your eyes tonight
So we're not meant to be
The love is gone
The love is gone
The sweetest dream
That you have ever known
The love is gone
The love is gone
I wish you well
But I must leave you now alone.//
I picked up the ring and clutched it in my palm as I walked slowly to the bedroom to pack.
I didn't want her mad at me - I could safely say she was pretty pissed 'cause I was, y'know, holding her engagement ring in my hand. I never meant for her to be mad at me, I just…I needed to chase my own dreams. I couldn't stay at that damn law firm, it was…it was horrible. It was everything I HATED.
But not more than I hated to lose Lisa.
Right?
I'd pictured it so many times and never really thought about it - her in a long white dress and walking down the aisle toward me…being married, having a family…but suddenly, more things were starting to filter their ways into my perfect little fantasy. Not-good things. The dark, throbbing masses of the clubs she loved so much…the strobe lights that gave me worse headaches than any alcoholic drink…
Was that really what I wanted? Was that REALLY what I'd been planning my life around?
//There comes a moment in your life
Like a window and you see
The future there before you
And how perfect life can be…//
But there was another option…I could go. I could go to New Hampshire with Josh and go after my dreams, do what *I* wanted for once…Go write speeches, change things for the BETTER instead of helping big corporations get out of liability for horrible things.
I could go to New Hampshire and do what I'd wanted to do ever since I spent a summer as a Congressional Aide…I could work on a REAL campaign. And the stakes would be so high, the pressure, the anxiety…the RUSH…
//But adventure calls
With unknown voices
Pulling you away
Be careful or you may regret
The choice you make someday//
There was a rap at the front door and I raced out, hoping it might be Lisa - she probably hadn't taken her key with her and the door had a tendency to stick funny…I threw it open. "Thank God you came ba-" I started to say before realizing it was Josh on my doormat, not Lisa.
"Good to know you missed me, Sam," he said with a smirk.
"Hey," I said quietly.
"Where's Lisa?"
"Not here."
"How'd she take it?"
"She stormed out and threw her ring at me and I don't know -…I don't know where she is."
"So not too well."
"Stop joking about it, Josh."
"You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-…I'm sorry."
"I think she means it's over," I muttered, staring at the rug.
"She threw the ring at you? Literally?"
"Almost hit my head…dented the cabinet a little."
"Dude."
"Yeah," I said, laughing a little in the tense atmosphere.
//When love is gone
When love is gone
The sweetest dream
That we have ever known
The love is gone
The love is gone
I wish you well
But I must leave you now alone//
"So I guess you're not going with me?"
"To New Hampshire?"
"Yeah."
"I…Gimme an hour or two? At least to see if she comes back, to pack…"
"Yeah."
"Because if she'll forgive me if I stay here…I've got a tough decision on my hands. Otherwise, count me in."
Josh grinned, then realized he probably shouldn't 'cause this wasn't easy for me. "Yeah, okay."
"So make yourself at home - there's plenty of food on the table, go ahead and heat some up."
"You made it?"
"Yeah. To surprise her…"
He pulled me into a loose hug, trying to remain a little manly, then snapped right back into being, y'know, Josh. "So Mr. Mom, what'd ya make?"
"Fettucinni."
"Well then - time to eat!" He headed over to the table and began to reheat the remnants of my spoiled dinner with Lisa as I went to the bedroom to pack.
//It was almost love
It was almost always
It was like a fairy tale
We'd live out-
You and I.//
After three hours, I was all packed and had completely given up on her returning anytime soon. She was probably out somewhere with her best girlfriends, bitching to them about how horrible of a fiancee I was.
Josh kept checking his watch impatiently, and finally he said something like "It's been three hours."
//And yes, some dreams come true
And yes, some dreams fall through…//
I looked once more around the apartment - I'd rescued anything I thought she might sell or break that I really wanted. "Yeah," I said quietly, picking up my suitcases and garment bag. "Okay, let's go."
//And yes, the time has come
For us to say goodbye…//
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