It’s not as if I’m angry or something, but it…the only colour I can see around me is red. It’s everywhere. On the pavement, on people’s suits, their faces, their hands…My hands. They’re scraped up pretty badly, from falling on top of CJ and landing on my hands…It’s amazing my wrists aren’t broken or something.

God, the pain. It’s ripping through my side…what is it? Unless it’s…It can’t…I’ve been…shot? No…There’s no way…My hands reach down and cover the spot. It’s not as if I can tell what blood was on my hands and what’s there now, but it seems…like a lot more. A lot more…

…So this is what it feels like to be dying, I think. To be in so much pain and wondering when or if help will come, and if they’ll come before it’s too late…

Blending into the red I see at first, then becoming clearer, is Mallory…I love her so much…She’s still pissed at me but I am so in love with her it makes my heart ache…especially with the thought of never seeing her again…Her form looks like a ghost among by the wounded soldiers in the crusade for justice…a figment of my memory because she cannot possibly be there - and she is not. But it looks to me like she is…Wouldn’t that be a joyous day? The day she’d forgive me for the entire mess with Laurie…Oh, Mallory, I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry…

As if seeing the future before my eyes, the scene of carnage turns quieter, to a small apartment living room as she sits down with her father and he breaks the news to her that I am gone…And it’s as though I am there but as a ghost - they can’t see me or hear me, and they say that I’m dead…But I’m not, I am alive, I am…

Oh, what’s the use in saying it anymore? What was it Mercutio said? “’Tis not so deep as a …something… ; Nor so wide as a church door, but ‘tis enough. If you come looking for me tomorrow a grave man you will find.” Ah, wise Mercutio. Able to laugh in such pain and agony and impending doom. Godspeed.

The scene dissipates, but I see no more red - only white…Nothing but white, all around me…White figures of people, pristine walls, white plastic all around me, beeping and whirring like the old refrigerator we used to have that made the funny noise just by existing…It’s like something on one of those shows about people’s journey to the afterlife, wherever it may lie…That they see nothing but white and then…I shudder internally at the thought. But could it be, in fact, that I am really dead? Could it have happened to me?

…I love you, Mallory…Don’t hate me so much. Just, if I am dead…Don’t forget me…please…

I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time.
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
I fear there’s nothing I can do…