Inkspots

Lin

---

"Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above."
The One You Love by Glenn Frey

When we are young, we have goals in life. We have the professional goals and the personal goals.
My personal favorite has to be the jobs we dream of as children. Astronauts, princesses, doctors, lawyers, rock stars, anything we wanted to be and it was right there at our fingertips. And then somehow we lose that dream. By the time we reach high school, our goals have been narrowed immensely or we have none. How can dreams be stolen?
But much the same way we dream of being the most special thing in the universe, we dream of finding the most special person in the universe. That person we love and marry and live with in that mansion on the hill. We have standards that this person must live up to. We know if they're going to be rich. If they will be tall and handsome. If we want two children or five. Where we're going to live. Everything. Every plot has been imagined and acted out in childhood fantasies. It's a wonderful thing. To be so free with your thoughts.
And again, it's taken away from us.
I grew up and it didn't matter so much anymore.
Somewhere between school and professional goals, some of us lose our way with the big picture. The prize is an elusive thing, always in front of us, but always out of reach. And we're constantly reaching for it, but it slips away from our fingers each time, until we finally say enough is enough, and we take what is rightfully ours.
If only.
Sometimes, the prize doesn't present itself. That's where fate comes in. Someone out there knew some of us weren't going to be able to recognize the important thing in our lives, so they designed something called fate. After that, it's up to us to decide if we're going to continue the journey and claim our prize or if we're going to wander aimlessly through life.
But what does all of this have to do with me?
The President told me, "Don't let fate pass you by."
Don't let fate pass me by. I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew what I was going for, until a man with dark hair and baby blues invaded my world and now I don't know if the North is in the South or the South is in the North. My world upside down. And I love it.
Where do we go from here? Do we continue on like nothing has happened? No. It's too far gone for that to happen. Do we cut our losses? Or do we try and just find out what we have exactly?
I thought I knew what Danny was to me. And now I don't. This is beyond nerve-racking. What am I supposed to be feeling? Sam is driving me crazy, that I can be sure of.
I want to take this a step at a time. And I surely don't want to give up.
I want a pair of blue eyes to look into when the day is long and I want a pair of strong arms to snuggle in as they wrap themselve around me, comfortingly. And I think I know the person I want to give it to me. Now if only he felt the same.
*~*
"We're going to do this."
"Huh?" I snap out of my reverie, well maybe I should say out of another unbelievably boring report about the GNP or GDP or something like that. Sam is pacing in my office. Where did he come from? It has been almost three weeks since the unfortunate Tad Whitney 'incident' when he tried to destroy my life and this is the first time Sam has come to see me about something non work-related.
At least I think that's what this is about.
He walks back and forth in front of my desk, oblivious to my staring. He holds a pencil in his hand, moving it up and down in a stabbing motion as he punctuates each thought that must be flowing through his head. I hope. Otherwise, he's just gone psycho and I'm trapped in an office with him.
"We're going to do this."
I give up. "I heard you the first time, Sam. Do what?"
"Huh?" His head snaps up in the way I love, as if he realizes he's not in his office anymore. "Uh, CJ."
"Yes, that is my name." I can't help but smile at his bumbling sweetness. "May I help you today?"
"Uh, well."
I think I may have scared him, he looks like he's going to throw up on my carpet. I hope to God not. I have to ask. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." His face is drawn up in that scared little boy way that makes women drool over him. I'll try to hold the saliva back until he leaves the office. "I wanted to---." He pauses.
"Yes?" I try to keep the eagerness out of my voice. Of course, that could be exasperation too.
"Let's go out."
I think my face must have gone as white as a sheet because the next thing I know he's slapping my hand and asking me if I'm OK.
"CJ, I'm sorry. Are you all right?"
I manage a weak smile. "Yeah, you just shocked me."
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked---"
"No, I'm sorry. I just---I'm just shocked."
He searches my face. "If you don't want to..."
"No!" Maybe I shouldn't have screamed that out loud. "Uh, no, Sam," I chuckle. "I would love to."
If only I had a camera to capture the look on his face. Of course, I don't think I would need an excuse to photograph Sam Seaborn. It can only be described as amazement.
"All right."
I almost let him walk out of the office when I yell out, "When?"
"Huh?" He whirls around. I think I startled him.
"When?"
"Uh, well, you know I hadn't thought that far, especially since I have a speech I've gotta finish by..." I let him ramble on as I just stare at him. I don't really need an excuse to look at him, but his rambling moments are some of his finest. All I need is a moment to drink in the being that is Sam Seaborn, Deputy Communications Director. And I am the Press Secretary...and late for a Briefing.
"Sam, I've gotta go do my briefing, you know. You're more than welcome to stay here." I pick up my notes and files and run out of the office, intending to find Carol and chastise her properly for not informing me of the late hour. No matter now, I've gotta go.
*~*
I screwed up. I realize that.
Maybe I should have come with a prepared speech. I write speeches for a living. It shouldn't have been so hard to bang out. Of course, anyone can tell you, asking someone out can be one of the most nerve-racking experiences a body has to go through. And I have just proven my point. In front of CJ.
I shouldn't have caught her off-guard like I did. And then I just blurted it out. Like a moron. That I am. ::groan::
I'm so stupid. Why didn't I think of a when? It's not as easy as you would think to find a night to go out. Most people have a thing called lives. When you work in the White House, you trade it in at the front door for a power suit and a headache. You better wave good-bye to your personal life. You won't see it again for four to eight years. They don't tell you that, of course, but within a week you begin to wonder where your life begins and your job ends. The job doesn't.
I hope I didn't look as terrified as I felt. I thought I was going to lose my lunch on her carpet. I don't think you're supposed to do that before you go out on a date with someone. But we aren't in a typical relationship. I don't think we're in a relationship at all, truth be told. It has been three weeks since our last time together and ever since we have been running ragged. I thought maybe this could be the time to take that leap of faith and do the asking.
The asking of someone I like out on a date.
A date?
Maybe it's time to go find the bathroom now.

****

"That was a nice restaurant, Sam." CJ tucked her arm inside her coat trying to stave off the cold seeping through her thin dress.
Sam tucked his arm around her body, trying to warm her with his body. "Yeah. Josh told me about it a couple of years ago."
"Josh?" Surprise flitted through her voice.
Sam shrugged, "Who would have known he would has good taste?"
CJ looked over at Sam and smiled. "Who would have known? Do you usually do this?"
Sam stopped walking. "Do what?"
"Go walking after dinner."
Sam blushed, "No, but I didn't want to go home just yet."
CJ smiled and looked out onto the Potomac. The waves lapped against the edges, trying to wave greetings at the two young lovers. "That's OK. I don't think I have ever done this with anyone before." She looked around for a place to sit. "Do you want to sit down?"
"Sure."
They walked arm in arm over to the bench overlooking the frigid waters of the Potomac, the silent midnight blue sky twinkling on them. They sat in silence, trying to figure out what they were doing there, together.
She turned to Sam, "Why are we here?"
Surprised, "Here?"
"I mean, what are we doing?"
"We're on a date."
She leaned back on the bench, letting her body relax for a moment. "A date? Are you sure?"
"What would you like it to be, CJ," Sam asked quietly.
"A date. I just wasn't sure---"
"Don't worry about it. Someone told me once not to over-analyze things. It just makes everything more complicated than it has to be."
"KISS."
Sam reeled back, surprised at CJ's words. "Huh?"
"Keep it simple, stupid. See? K-I-S-S."
Sam laughed. "CJ, where did you grow up?"
"Sam, every child has heard that."
"Well I must have missed out on that lesson during school."
"You were probably too busy studying."
Sam leaned closer to CJ. "Probably not."
"Are we going to continue this?"
"Continue what?"
"Dating."
"If you want."
"Do you think there's some conflict or something---"
Sam placed his hand over her lips, stilling the words spilling out. "KISS, CJ."
"It's just---"
"I know you're wondering about the thing with Danny."
"And Mallory, truth be told," CJ admitted.
"Why are you worried about Mallory?"
"Why shouldn't I be, Sam?"
"I don't think you should be. Mallory has moved on with her life. So have I. We didn't have anything important."
"You shouldn't say that, Sam."
"Why not?"
"Because every relationship we have with people is special, even if they don't work out."
Sam was silent. "Do you think we won't work out."
She turned to him, just barely seeing him in the night air. "I don't know."
"Do you want us to?"
Silence.
"Yes."
"Then we're both working with the same goal in mind. CJ, don't back out because of what you think might be a problem. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy."
"Don't I know," CJ muttered. "If I had just kept my mouth shut at the Kennedy Center."
"I wish I had been there."
"Huh?"
"When you were talking to Tad Whitney."
"Why?"
"So I could have---"
"Sam, you wouldn't have done anything. It's not in you."
"Yes, I would have. I would have told him he couldn't talk to any woman, especially you, the way he did. Then I would have decked him." He leaned forward until they were bare millimeters away from each other. "I like your peppermint," Sam murmured before softly kissing her.
CJ leaned back from the kiss, breathless. "You guys have a hero complex, you know that don't you?"
Sam let out a small laugh. "A hero complex? Do tell."
"You think we're all damsels in distress and you've gotta rescue us when the big bad wolf comes out to play."
"You don't like to be rescued?"
"Sometimes," CJ chuckled. "And then again, it can be unbelievably over-bearing."
"But you like for men to open doors for you."
"Of course. It's just common courtesy."
"Too many rules," Sam muttered.
CJ lightly fingered Sam's thick coat. "Not too many. We just want you guys to feel needed without being smothered ourselves."
"So what about you and Danny?"
"Huh?"
You asked about me and Mallory, what about you and Danny."
"Danny turned down the editor's job," CJ told him flatly.
"I know," he told her gently.
"There's nothing else to tell. We were something, I suppose...I don't guess you can live on a relationship where you're constantly grabbing people for kisses."
"You'd be surprised."
"Sam," CJ laid her head on his shoulder. "You can grab me and kiss me whenever you want."
"You do realize how unbelievably mushy this conversation is turning, don't you?"
Indignant. "Mushy?"
"Some people might call it romantic," Sam amended.
"Damn straight," CJ muttered. "Anyway, since I've gotta be here with you, I'm going to be as mushy as I damn well please. And Sam, remember you were the one who kissed me."
"Not at first," Sam protested.
CJ giggled. "True, but it was still an accident. A good accident, but an accident nonetheless. But in front of my house. That was all you."
Sam sighed and pulled CJ with him as he leaned his body on the back of the bench. "At least I wasn't the one trapping someone by lying on them all night." He gave her a soft smile. "You still think I'd get a better kiss if I went out on a date?" His fingers twirled through her hair loosely, making CJ shiver slightly.
"Maybe."
"What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Want to be my date?"
CJ picked her head up off of Sam's chest. She gave him a dazzling smile, "I think I'd like that very much." She brought her lips closer to his, determined to give him a kiss that would leave him unable to see straight. She murmured into his ear, "Think there are any reporters or roving State Department guys around here?"
Sam leaned closer giving her a light kiss. "I don't think so. And if there are, let's give 'em something to talk about."
Their lips lingered on each other's, making them forget space and time. They relished each other's tastes, coming back again and again for one last taste. CJ was the first to break contact.
"Are we going to do this?"
Sam pushed the hair out of her face, bringing his hands around so he could frame her face with them. "We're going to do this right."
She sighed and leaned back. "One step at a time. Do we tell anyone?"
"The President and Leo already know. Who else matters?"
"Oh, I don't know. Josh, Toby, the Press."
"Josh and Toby will find out in their own time and I don't see what the Press has to do with anything."
"Sam. You say that now, but you're not going to be the one fielding questions from over-eager reporters."
"It's like I said before. It's no one else's business. We'll deal with them when it comes to that."
Quietly, "And Mallory?"
"And Danny?" Sam countered.
"When it counts. We'll tell everyone."
"For now, let's just enjoy this."
"I agree." CJ stood up and held out her hand so Sam could take it. "Seeing me home?"
"Yes."
"Am I going to get a goodnight kiss?"
"If you want."
"Well, I suggest we make tracks now. We've got to be in by 6:30 tomorrow."
Sam clutched her hand as he pulled himself on his feet. "No more?"
CJ slyly smiled at him. "Well, isn't that up to you?" She laughed. "Come on. I'll make you a cup of coffee."
They walked hand in hand into the night. "Just coffee?" Sam whined.
"I'll make tea, you big baby."
Sam pulled her closer to him and kissed her softly. "We'll negotiate," he whispered.
CJ nodded.
They stood together, staring at each other much the same way they did during their dance at the State Dinner so long ago. Her forehead was pressed against his. She whispered, "We should do this again, Sam."
"I plan to. Many times," he whispered back.
"Come on, loverboy." She pulled him along until they were walking arm in arm to Sam's car, the stars shining on them like angels in heaven.
Stunning.

"I know you need a friend, someone you can talk to
Who will understand what you're going through
When it comes to love, there's no easy answer
Only you can say what you're gonna do
I heard you on the phone, you took his number
Said you weren't alone, but you'd call him soon
Isn't he the guy, the guy you left you cryin'?
Isn't he the one who made you blue?
When you remember those nights in his arms
You know you gotta make up your mind
Are you gonna stay with the one who loves you
Or are you goin' back to the one you love?
Someone's gonna cry when they know they've lost you
Someone's gonna thank the stars above"
The One You Love by Glenn Frey

---

I Hope You Dance: A Thousand Words

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