"I'm sorry?"

Sam looked up and half smiled before looking down and mumbling, "Never mind. Can I get another?"

The bartender looked at him skeptically. "There's no rush buddy. Maybe you should pace yourself."

Sam snapped his head up and glared at the man with icy eyes. "I think I'm the best judge of my own life. And right now I want another."

He watched the bartender refill his glass and then leave. Sam slumped down in his seat and drained half his glass in one swift gulp. Then he absently wiped the condensation from the glass as he rested his head against his other hand. Above the din of the bar he could hear the Christmas music playing and he wondered why two days after Christmas the bar would still be playing the carols. 'Maybe they play them 'til New Years.'

Taking another sip, he rubbed his forehead wearily. He was tired, but he certainly didn't want to go home yet. Too much was tumbling through his mind and he wanted the anonymity he enjoyed in a crowd of strangers. He didn't want to be alone, but he certainly didn't want to be among his friends. Friends? That was a laugh. Sam certainly didn't consider them his friends right now, mostly because they really weren't acting like friends.

Two days before Christmas he spent the day trying to help Josh get Congressman Gibson out of Leo's hearing. He worked all day, calling people, knowing it was to help Leo, but unable to tell them anything because HE didn't know anything. It was a feeling he was getting used to, but today it sucker-punched him in the jaw.

They had been in the Oval Office finishing up Senior Staff, or so he thought. The President asked if there was any more business and Leo said they'd gotten the final test results from the beef in Nebraska. Sam's eyes snapped to him in confusion. What tests? What beef? He didn't know anything about any such tests. Leo went on to explain that the results were definitely negative, but Sam was barely listening. He was too busy trying to figure out when this had happened. Finally, just before the meeting ended, he figured it out.

Sam gathered up his belongings and headed straight for his office. He could hear Josh behind him, but hoped he had enough head start and could out walk him. He just made it to his office when Josh bellowed.

"Sam, wait up!"

Never looking back, Sam shut the door and headed for his desk. He made a mental bet with himself if Josh would knock or not before just barging in. He wasn't sure if he won or lost when Josh flung the door open without so much as a tap. 'So much for privacy.'

"Sam buddy, didn't you hear me calling for you?"

Sam gave a non-committal grunt and flipped open his laptop. He didn't have work to do; he just wanted Josh to leave. 'The seatbelt lawsuit. I was doing the seatbelt lawsuit and they were dealing with Mad Cow.'

"Buddy, are you listening?"

Sam looked up and blinked. Josh had obviously just said something and was expecting him to answer.

"Huh?"

"I said do you wanna grab some dinner if we get out of here early? Or should we have Donna order us something?"

'Eat? I've been eating beef all this time and it could have been contaminated, and you want to grab something to eat?'

"That's what I should have said," Sam muttered to himself. The waitress glanced at him strangely, but Sam didn't see it.

Instead Sam had swallowed the retort and said he wasn't hungry and he had work to do. Both were lies, and he felt a little bad lying to Josh, but then he remembered that Josh had been lying to him. He'd been calling him 'buddy' but his behavior lately certainly wasn't that of a friend. Keeping things from your co-workers, things they should have known about, wasn't how a friend was supposed to act.

So Sam pretended to work for a while, but he really was keeping an eye on the bullpen. When it looked empty, meaning Bonnie and Ginger were gone, and he'd seen Toby walk by, he gathered up his stuff and left. He didn't tell anyone he was going, didn't turn off his light or close his door; he just left and wondered how long it would be until someone came looking for him. Would they think he was just out of his office, when would they realize he wasn't coming back, would they call his cell trying to track him down?

He really didn't care as he walked out of the west wing and headed for his car. Getting in he drove, not caring where he went until the rumble of his stomach became too much to ignore. Spotting a pub he pulled over and went inside. He fully intended to get something to eat, but now it appeared he was just going to drink his dinner. It also appeared to be going straight through him, in addition to going straight to his head.

He slid to his feet and steadied himself, then turned to head to the men's room. Instead he turned and nearly bowled a woman over.

"Whoa. Easy there, sailor," she said as she reached out to steady him. "Got your land legs now?"

"Yeah, sorry," Sam mumbled and headed once again off to the bathroom.

********************

She looked up when he dropped unceremoniously into the chair across from her. He seemed to be having a hard time focusing, but a smile that could have powered New York was fixed on her.

"Forget where you were sitting, sailor?" she asked with a chuckle.

A shake of his head, "No, no, excuse me."

Taking a sip of her drink she watched him head to the bar, grab his coat, get another drink and weave his way back through the crowd to her table. He dropped into the chair again, with considerable less grace than before and turned on the smile once more. She merely regarded him with raised eyebrows over the rim of her glass.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all," she smiled back. He was pretty far into his cups and she wasn't sure it would register if she objected.

"I'm Sam," he said by way of introduction.

"Kathleen," she responded. She knew who he was. She watched Capitol Beat and the other weekly talk shows, but apparently tonight he just wanted to be 'Sam.' Not Sam Seaborn who worked for the White House.

"So, what do you do?"

She kept a straight face, barely. She wasn't sure if it was a pick up line or if he was hoping she wouldn't figure out who he was.

"I'm a lawyer."

He smiled in what looked almost like relief. Apparently she'd won the prize by not saying politics, because the smile continued to grow. It wasn't really a lie she figured. She was a lawyer, not a politician, but nobody could work in DC without getting his fingers a little wet in the political game.

"I used to be a lawyer, but now I... advise."

She merely smiled and nodded and hoped it wouldn't show that she knew he advised the President of the United States. Silence hung between them and he shifted uncomfortably before swallowing a huge gulp of his drink.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. "I'm starving and I hate eating alone."

The smile returned. "Dinner sounds great. What's good here?"

*******************

Halfway through the ham and melted swiss sandwich, his cell phone rang. Wiping his hands, he fished the phone out of his coat pocket and hit the talk button.

"Se-Sam."

"Buddy, where are you?" Josh asked. "We've been looking for you for the last twenty minutes. Nobody knew you were gone.""

"I've been gone for... " he squinted down at his watch and finally just gave up and guessed, "two hours. You just noticed I was gone twenty minutes ago?"

He glanced at Kathleen who appeared to be studying the tabletop intently in between bites of her sandwich. He knew the bitterness was creeping into his voice and he tried to keep it out. Listening to Josh continue on he rolled his eyes and looked at her apologetically. Covering the mouthpiece he mouthed, 'I'm sorry. Office.'

She shrugged her shoulders and smiled at him as she whispered, "It's okay."

"Huh?" Sam asked when he realized Josh had stopped talking.

"I said where are you? It sounds pretty loud behind you."

"I'm at a bar having dinner with Kathleen."

"Who's Kathleen?"

"A nice lady I met. She and I bumped into each other."

"Sam," Josh said hesitantly. "Don't do anything stupid okay? Remember what happened the last time you picked up a woman in a bar?"

Sam turned his head away from the table and hissed out, "Yes."

"Well, all I'm saying is with everything goin' on right now, we don't need another scandal to deal with."

Sam sat and seethed for a full minute before clipping out. "Thank you, Josh, for your astounding confidence in my abilities. I am not that stupid."

Then he snapped the phone shut and polished off the rest of his drink. He waived the waitress over and ordered a double before he finally glanced at Kathleen. Kathleen just sat there in silence, shifting uncomfortably in her chair.

*********************

"Farewell Spanish ladies, farewell..." Sam paused his slurred singing, seeming to search for the words to come next. With a drunken hiccup and a shrug of his shoulders he gave up and launched into the first line yet again.

"Alright, Sailor," Kathleen said with a laugh. "I think it's time to end this party. Come on."

Putting on her coat, she grabbed his and after a few unsuccessful attempts his arms finally slipped into the sleeves. Walking outside, Kathleen grabbed a hold of Sam as he veered off suddenly to the side.

"Whoa, Sam," she said as she paused to think. "Do you remember where you live? You're clearly in no condition to drive and I'll call you a cab if you want, but I want to make sure you get home safe."

She turned her head to look at him and discovered he was doing a great impression of being asleep on his feet. "Sam?"

"Huh?" he asked as his head rolled to the side.

"Where do you live?"

"My house?"

"Well, that's a good guess, but where's your house?"

A shrug of his shoulders. "Dunno."

"Alright, Sam," Kathleen said. "Come with me. It's too cold to stand here trying to figure out where you live."

She took his arm and directed him toward her car as he half stumbled. Getting him seated, she then climbed in and started the car. They drove in silence until at a stoplight Sam suddenly began mumbling.

"They didn't tell me."

"What?" she asked, startled by the sudden break of silence. She almost thought he'd fallen asleep.

"They didn't tell me. Once again I wasn't in the loop."

She turned her head and saw him lean his against the window. He looked exhausted and deflated, but she really didn't know what to say. 'I'm sorry' seemed futile, or even pitiful, considering he had no idea what he was talking about.

"We're almost there," she finally decided on. "I think you just need to get some sleep."

When she first saw him in the bar, she never envisioned this scenario for the end of the evening. Dinner, drinks, maybe exchanging phone numbers, maybe more depending on the evening, but certainly not taking him home so he could sleep off a bender. Finally reaching her apartment building, she parked the car and helped Sam out. After she managed to get him upstairs and inside, she led him over to the couch where he collapsed in a rumpled heap. His head rested on the cushions, his eyes half closed, and she was sure it was sure will power and possibly habit that was keeping him awake.

After getting ready for bed Kathleen went back to the living room. Sam was exactly where she'd left him, in a heap on her couch. He looked small, curled up in a ball, swallowed by the large leather sofa. "Sam?"

He barely managed to open one eye.

"You wanna take off your jacket? Maybe your shoes or something? The bathroom's free if you want it."

Sam headed off to the bathroom and Kathleen flipped on the TV, surfing through the channels just to waste time until Sam came out.

********************

About five in the morning, Sam's internal clock, aided by the need to go to the bathroom, woke him up. He blinked his eyes, searching for his clock to check the time. Looking to the left where it would normally be he was confused when it wasn't there but on the right side of the bed. Slowly he realized the numbers were red and the numbers on his clock were green.

Slowly Sam slipped out of bed and searched for a door. After first opening the closet door and then stumbling into what he could only assume was a dresser given its enormous size, he finally found the bathroom. He flipped on the light and blinked in the harsh glare. Definitely not his bathroom, definitely a woman's.

Pieces of the night before filtered into his mind. Being left out of the discussion on mad cow...finding out yesterday...leaving the White House...the bar...the woman...the phone call from Josh. Josh, his friend, his 'buddy' who had lectured and warned him not to do something stupid and create another scandal. He groaned and closed his eyes, leaning over to rest his arms on the counter.

"Oh no, not again."