King of the Mountain:
Part 13
Lynn Jepsen
Sarah is fixing my tie. There's something fundamentally wrong with that.
Lisa ought to be back here fixing my tie, but she's not. Instead, she's
out there spinning the press with Leo and Toby. They wrote talking
points. Didn't even ask me, just wrote talking points, gave them to
everyone allowed to speak tonight, and said the first volunteer to break
from the script would be burned at the stake. I'm sure it will be
effective, but I'm not convinced it's a great idea for them to have
talking points that I haven't seen. Of course, since Leo and Toby wrote
them, I'm sure the points are contained on some of the many note cards I
was prepped with. Let me stress here - many note cards.
Josh never prepped me for debates like this. Josh got up to the podium
and played evil Republican. Josh would read everything he could about the
other guy, and he'd stand in my office and he would be that guy for an
hour. Oh, after those prep sessions..... Let's just say Kaupfer never
knew what hit him - neither did Keeting. I'm not getting quite that same
amount of confidence right now, mainly because I already know the points
on the index cards, but I'm not entirely sure why I need to know them.
"Sammy, you're going to do great." Uh-huh. Hey, Sarah, you think they'll
broadcast the debate in DC? "I don't know, why? I'm sure I can find out."
No. No, that's okay. I just thought Josh might watch this.
Ed Klein pats my shoulder on his way past me, and I nod in his direction.
He's the only nice guy here. I mean, sure, he'll take his shots with the
rest of them, but his pot shots will be political. Careers, voting
records, ethical flim-flam, those are all fair game in his mind. He just
won't be around after this weekend. He was a great Vice-President, but
when Elena Cordova couldn't even win the nomination for her second term,
his ship sailed without him. I'm pretty sure whatever Josh said to Mark
Reynolds is going to bite me tonight, because not only is the Speaker
glaring at me, but so is his entire entourage. Sarah, can I just hide
behind you for a moment?
I don't realize exactly how unready for this I really am though, until
Fred Nichols walks in. Tom Jordan is on his right hand, and not even a
blind jelly fish could miss the looks I'm getting from Tom. I'm sure
they're nothing like the looks his wife would be giving me, but for a
split second, I reconsider my vocation.
"Thought you might want to see the talking points." No. No, that cannot
be who I think it is. I turn slowly, and stand, rooted to my spot of
cheap brown carpet. Josh. "You can hurt me later. Right now, you're
making me look mentally stable, so let's get it together." I love this
man. I really do. "Okay, this is the prize fight. Survive this and
debating Glasscock will be a walk in the park. Keep your eyes open
for....." His hand is on my shoulder, and I'm being propelled towards an
empty corner of the green room. Ten minutes. Ten minutes is all we have,
and ten minutes is all it takes for Josh to eliminate the bile in the
back of my throat and the feeling of utter stupidity that was starting to
take over. Of course, that doesn't even begin to sum up the warm fuzzy
feeling everyone else is going to get when Josh joins the troops to watch
the play by play.
*
"Now, Governor, let's not hide things from the voters out there. You have
a severe mental illness that hinders your ability to do your job." Okay,
I can almost feel Leo and Toby seething in the back of the hall. I would
imagine Lisa banished them their after they jumped up in the middle of an
attack on the Bartlet administration. I force myself to take a deep
breath. I'm ready for this. Josh got me ready for this. Hell, my entire
life got me ready for this. "Well, Mr. Speaker, let's talk about that.
Let's talk about the fact that not only did I manage to make substantial
contributions to a previous administration, but let's talk about the
people of California who will assure you that I haven't lost my mind and
invaded Oregon in a fit of insanity. Then, when we're done discussing how
little my illness affects my job, then, and only then, will we discuss
how many laws you violated to get that information from my medical
records, and only then will we talk about the other million Americans who
are currently resenting your attitude." Out of the corner of my eye, I
see Toby and Leo high-five each other. This is good. This is so good.
Hell, this is fun.
*
Watching my people on television after the debate is almost as fun as the
debate itself. There's this room, and unless you've been there, you've
missed the true chaos of politics, but there's this room behind the
stage, where all the reporters, rush after the debate, and all the
candidates send their people back their to put the best spin in their
performance. I didn't know about this until Josh and I waded into the mud
after Bartlet's debate against Hoynes. It's almost like drowning. There
are microphones in your face, and you can count the number of staffers in
the room by counting the clumps of reporters.
Josh, Toby, and Leo have already been on television - just little
snippets, and they're been a couple of staffers who've been quoted. The
talking points must be working, because not only is everyone saying the
same thing, but they're saying it well. I'm not watching because of that
though. I'm watching because eventually they're going to show Lisa on
television doing the same thing. When she comes back, I'm going to
compliment her television appearance, however brief it might be, then I'm
going to ask her opinion on the debate, and then, I'm going to go grovel
to Josh.
"Grovel isn't the right word." Okay, let's re-prioritize here, Sam. That,
and let's not talk to yourself. Josh, look, I know you'd never be a jerk
to Sarah, and I realize I've regressed back to third grade, but I'm
sorry. I'm working on Lisa and I, and yes, you're' right. That'll be the
last time I admit that, but you're right. Now, can you quit bantering
with Mary Marsh and get back here. You've got to come back before I go
down with the ship. "Just hang on to a rope or something." Great, first
Leo, now you. It was a long time ago. It was a little wave.... "It was
two months ago in San Diego. Stop falling off watergoing vessels, Sam."
He pauses for a second and crosses his arms against his chest. "You
realize CJ's planning a mutiny if you don't get rid of the pod person
routine and resume acting like Sam Seaborn, right?" I realize that, Josh.
I mean, come on. CJ and Lisa took me out and got me drunk.
"And I have a sensitive system?" Yes. Yes, you do. CJ and Lisa can drink
most politicians under the table - plus, Toby was helping them. The
traitor nods then, as if that explains everything. Then, we eye each
other and rush for the couch. True, in the scramble for the comfy spot,
the one with all the springs in place, we knock each other on the floor,
but all is right with the world again. Or, at least everything is okay
with Josh and I. "I promise, next time I'll skip your groupies.
California has a lot of women." Ouch! I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
"Go. Make up with your wife. You're spending the next two days in
California looking official. Then I'm dragging you back on the campaign
trail." Two days? Come on, I'm just starting to find my groove. Okay!
Okay! Don't tickle, Sam. Ignoring California is bad, I understand that.
Oh, and what happened between you and Reynolds. Even his makeup girl was
giving me a dirty look?
King of the Mountain: Part 14
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