King of the Mountain: Part 15
Lynn Jepsen
There's a warm fuzzy feeling in state politics that just can't be carried
over to national politics. During the State of the State address, my
biggest concern was not falling on the steps to the podium. Of course, as
soon as the thought entered my mind, one crutch caught on the carpet and
the other sailed over the dais and thwacked the Representative Gold on
the shin. Now, had this been a State of the Union, a million voters would
have cackled deliciously. Instead, I have four elected officials
gathering my papers up off the floor, and my staff managed to control
their laughter long enough for me to get upright again.
If only I could convince myself that this was something I could live down
before, oh, twenty years have passed. I doubt it. Gold called Margaret
this morning and asked if I'd autograph her bruise. I squeezed it in
before Lily ushered us onto the plane. After all, Ophelia Gold's rock
groupie routine is hilarious, and honestly, the worst that happens is I
end up as a punch line on the Late Show. I'll live. Besides, at least
it'll be good clean fun, and less painful than falling off a boat.
"Governor, are you ready?" Yeah, let's get this show on the road.
Lily and Diana are conspiring on something, and I'm not going to ask. If
I learned nothing else from CJ, I've decided that women will always
conspire against me, and I'm better off steering clear. Carol is helping
Lisa prep for a few oddball questions that CJ's been fending off, and I
realize that we've actually left the state of California in the care of
Charlie and Zoey. Later this week, when they fly out to join us, the most
senior person in my office will be the accountant. If I were Mexico, I'd
invade now.
"Miss me?" Oh, I don't know, it's been a whole.... twenty six minutes,
but yeah, I missed you. Lisa slips out of her shoes and lays across the
seat with her head in my lap and her feet resting against the side of the
plane. "Margaret said to tell you IT is all set. What're you hiding from
me?" I'm not hiding a thing, not really. It's just that we're not taking
the most direct route. "Lisa, have you ever been to Kansas City?"
Josh thought I needed more Midwestern exposure. The rationale was that it
would be less frightening than Texas, and more liberal, than, say,
Georgia. CJ then decided that we needed something fun, something
different, and something completely in character. We're going to an
amusement park. Oh, and apparently Leo ordered Margaret to order me to
take Lisa to this... this... well, I'm not sure what it is, but it's
called the Cheesecake Factory. I'm guessing he found out about her vice.
I'm also wondering just how much Margaret enjoyed ordering me around...
Oh, and let's not forget Toby's bit of advice. Don't get sick on the
rides at World's of Fun.
I'm pretty sure when we land the plane in Kansas, she's going to figure
out that something's up, but for now, I think I'm going to enjoy my
little surprise. Plus, Lily tells me there's a four story Barnes and
Noble that's just wonderful. Apparently, the First Lady took Zoey there
once on a swing through the Midwest. I'm just hoping I escape from there
with fewer than $100 in books packed on board.
I know, I know. My wife takes me to Europe for two years and I take her
to the land of Oz, not the best trade off, but I doubt we'll be able to
squeeze any personal time out of the campaign between now and the
Convention, so I'm going to enjoy this while I can.
Lily and Diana have a list of places that will make good photo ops. Lisa
and I spend the last three hours of daylight being trailed through
World's of Fun by a horde of journalists, photographers, and camera men.
We ride the Viking Swing. We eat cotton candy. We talk to the children.
We wave to the cameras from the kiddie coaster. Trust me, those three
hours were excruciating. The only redeeming virtue is it lets us scout
out our surroundings. We're coming back tomorrow, incognito, for some
actual fun. Lily and Margaret are consulting about a trip to the
Cheesecake Factory. Margaret says Leo gave orders. Lily says Josh wants
us locked in our hotel room until morning. Don't I get a say in this?
Hey, over here. Remember me?
I'm being ignored. Tiredly, I lean my head back and grumble at the
discussion over whose orders ought to be followed. "You know, they've got
this great mocha-java cheesecake..." Well, that decided things. Thank you
Margaret. I knew I was giving you a raise for a reason. Reaching over, I
squeeze Lisa's hand, and chuckle as she rolls her eyes. "This was your
idea?" Well, Leo made the suggestion, but I asked for recommendations.
That must have been the right answer, because in the thirty seconds we've
got before they open our doors and shove us back out into the camera
lens, Lisa kisses me, and we get reacquainted with tongues and tonsils.
Just as the troopers open the door, she wipes the lipstick off my face,
and I feel like some teenager who just missed being discovered making out
of his parent's couch.
*
There are nineteen flavors of cheesecake circulating the table, and I
have to guard my Key Lime slice to keep the ladies from attacking it with
a stray fork. They decided to order just cheesecake. Not that I have a
problem with this, I'm just sure some anti-cheesecake lobby is calling
Josh as we speak.
Glancing at my watch, I realize I've got a tiny problem. I need to take
my medicine and I'm seated in the middle of three tables of reporters.
This isn't going to be good. I rest my hand on top of Lisa's and gesture
to my watch as I lean in to tell her I'm going to go out to the limo for
a minute. "Smoke and mirrors?" Ouch. I'm not doing anything of the sort,
I'm just.... Deep breath. Okay, fine. I pull the pill bottle out of my
pocket, and swallow three pills and a glass of water to the sound of
flashbulbs popping. Someone remind me to call Josh when we get to the
hotel.
On second thought, I think I have other plans for when we get back to the
hotel. I'm going to grovel and beg for forgiveness from Lisa... I'm sure
Carol will call and talk to CJ tonight. Actually, since Carol's giving me
one of those scary looks, I'm pretty sure she's not happy about it, but
hey, we're doing this for real.
King of the Mountain: Part 16
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