King of the Mountain: Part 6
Lynn Jepsen
Friday was hectic. Rachel was sitting at her desk, setting a record for
longest lasting assistant this lifetime... well, except for Donna, but
that's another story. She even brought me coffee, so I wasn't prepared to
learn she and Lisa had been conspiring together. I mean, when I learned
they had scheduled me a date, I wasn't amused. After all, I'm trying to
get one stubborn, idealistic man elected President - it would be safe to
say I've had easier jobs.
I was about halfway through the Bakker files when Rachel waved her hand
in front of my face. "Meeting in fifteen." Why exactly am I meeting with
someone at seven at night. This is the governor's office, not the White
House. Nothing important can possibly need my attention right now. "Aunt
Lisa scheduled it, and I'm supposed to tell you not to blow it." Okay,
this, this cannot be good for my health. Anything Lisa schedules for me
worries me because she still owes me a couple good ones.
That was before Rachel produced this envelope. The fact that my name was
written as 'Mr. Clueless' should have tipped me off, but it was too late
to run for cover. Ten minutes later, I was once again wearing my tie, my
jacket, and my backpack and wondering how I could possibly get out of
having a date with Sam's kid sister. "This is a bad idea. This is a bad
idea if for no other reason than while I was demonstrating against
Reagan's election, Sarah was learning to write in cursive." No one was
around to hear my complaints and soon enough, I was being lead off to the
evil land of meddling friends and awkward set-ups.
Now, I won't go into details about the date, but it's safe to say it went
well... It started with chumming around, you know, brother's best friend
and best friend's sister - nothing special. By dessert we were holding
hands, and by the time we finished walking around - trying to delay the
inevitable end of the evening I suppose - her head was leaning on my
shoulder and my arm was around her waist. We needn't have stalled,
because the date didn't end until around ten the next morning. I didn't
make it to the Saturday morning election meeting - sort of awkward since
I was the one conducting it.
The only thing I'm worried about is finding out how much Lisa and Sam
know. After all, there's only so much taunting I can take, and should
this relationship not work out, based as it is on twenty years of
teasing, taunting, screaming, and harassing, I don't know if I'd ever
live down sleeping with my best friend's kid sister.
That would be reasons 1 through 59 why I'm hiding in the back of the
plane on the way to New Hampshire. Briefings consumed the first hour, and
I'm not about to find myself trapped with Sam and Lisa trying to avoid
this conversation for the next six. "So you're dating my mom." Rachel
doesn't wait for an invitation, just plops down in a seat across from me.
"You've got to call the governor's office. Carol's getting questions
about Lisa's time in London." Excuse me? She bonded with CJ and Toby for
six months. What questions can we possibly be getting?
She looks like she wants to squirm, but I'm not sure why. "They're
talking about the divorce and about Aunt Lisa and someone named...." She
stops then and glances down at her notes. "...someone named Lord John
Marbury." I can feel the headache coming on. Well, Rachel, what's your
take on this? She shrugs then, and scribbles something in my schedule.
"They fight all the time, and Uncle Sam had that thing with one of your
groupies." She wrinkles her nose when she says thing, and I remind myself
that she's sixteen. "Why shouldn't Aunt Lisa have someone too?" Whoa!
Back this train up! She's still talking though, and the phrase male
patriarchal system rolls off her tongue. Great. My new assistant who
brings me fresh coffee is a closet feminist. Can my life get worse? Wait.
Don't answer that.
We straggle in to the hotel after the plane lands, and I'm not sure I've
ever had a Sunday strange enough that I hoped for Monday. After talking
to Carol, I'm convinced this is it. Apparently, Lord John and Lisa
managed to make the party scene together in London. This coupled with the
massive rumors flying around the great state of California following
rumors of Sam having an affair (don't ask, please) and Lisa leaving the
country, didn't go over well, particularly since Lord John married a
blond air head. This is such bad timing too.
Diana must hate me though, because I end up putting her on a flight back
to Sacramento to fix the mess we've gotten ourselves in. It's time to
bring out the speechwriter, and make this sound presentable... somehow.
It's already after three when I extricate myself from the game of phone
tag we're having that crosses four times zones. The bed looks so soft and
comfortable that I don't even make it out of my shoes before I fall
asleep.
*
"You get hostile!" I'm paid to get hostile. Sam explicitly provides me
with a salary so that I can get hostile and he can look calm. Of course,
since Toby isn't buying that logic one bit, I'm going to have to come up
with something better. "You get too hostile, Josh. We do want to appear
to be sane." I'll be perfectly sane, I just want to make my views
perfectly clear. He rolls his eyes then, and grabs a cup of coffee before
settling into his chair. The hotel restaurant has a pretty nice spread
this morning, and thanks to a wake up call from CJ, I'm actually here in
time to eat it. "I doubt your views are in question." Good morning to you
too, CJ.
She slips into the chair next to Toby and kisses him good morning. You
know, it's hard enough to live with Lisa and Sam, but at least I don't
have to deal with them before I've had my coffee. I wonder if they could
arrange an IV drip of caffeine for me until the campaign's over. "If
nothing else, this ought to change the flavor of our press." "As long as
Josh doesn't get hostile." I'm not going to get hostile! "See, he's
hostile already." I am not hostile, but I get the feeling I'm
outnumbered.
"Of course Josh will get hostile." Thanks for the vote of confidence,
Lisa. "How's Sam?" She shrugs. "Wouldn't know." Someone tosses a bagel
then, and CJ grabs her by the arm. The whisper is severe and I wonder how
much restraint it takes to keep Claudia Jean from yelling. "Keep that to
yourself.!" She's giggling. Lisa is actually giggling. "CJ, I didn't mean
we had separate rooms. I meant he went jogging this morning." Oh, right.
Don't we all feel like idiots now.
In order to detract from looking like idiots, CJ and Toby jump right back
on the Josh-gets-hostile bandwagon. Lisa is only too happy to provide
information. Just for the record, I should make a note to never again get
Lisa mad at me. "Let's not forget the incident with Kaupfer. Josh
redefined hostile." Come on. You can't hold that against me. Kaupfer is a
jerk. The only way to get through to him is to get hostile.
Forty-five minutes later we're sitting in the basement of an empty
storefront which has been miraculously transformed into command central
for the three weeks. If we win New Hampshire, we'll get more money, more
contributions, and Sam will get credibility. That, and I think we can
count on Klein dropping out if he loses in New Hampshire. He's lost
enough elections in the last couple of years that he's lost his taste for
the hard fight. The only problem with this arrangement is the chaos that
reins around us, and the absence of the candidate from the campaign
meeting.
CJ and Lisa are wandering in and out of my office, and I'm pretty sure
they're actively engaged in tracking him down. Honestly, I wouldn't know
where to start. Of course, I already tried getting ahold of the state
troopers we dragged along for security, but they apparently let him go
jogging alone. They said they weren't ready for New England weather.
They're also looking for new jobs.
"Aunt Lisa!" Rachel's voice could drown out trombones, and I can hear
Lisa's steps coming back down the stairs. "This better be important,
Rae!" Rachel holds out the phone in front of her and gestures toward it
with her free hand. Lisa snags the phone, and her niece backpedals into
my office. Who was that? She doesn't answer right away, and when she
does, I regret asking. "A nurse at the county hospital."
King of the Mountain: Part 7
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