God of War: Part 27
Lynn Jepsen
Her name was Hannah Alson. We were best friends in primary school. Then
my parents got a divorce and she wasn't allowed to come over any more.
That afternoon, I cried on my mother's shoulder and told her that I was
heartbroken and I couldn't ever miss a friend more than I missed her.
Mother had brushed back my hair, dried my eyes, and let my father give me
a pep talk before he left for Virginia. I never forgot the feeling of
betrayal - she was my best friend, and then she was ripped away.
His name was Ian Crawford. He sat beside me during analytical
mathematics. We hated Oxford together. He taught me philosophy. I
explained science. He married a Lady, and made her a Duchess. I cried on
the phone to my father, who told me that there would be a lot of people
in the world I'd love, and at least one who'd always be around. I was
lucky. I found two of them. Never have I doubted. I just knew every day
that Sam would kiss me good morning, and Josh would brush my cheek.
Patterns. They were to be expected from the people I loved. The ones who
would always be around, but I never forgot the feeling of having my heart
ripped in two.
I'm reminded of this, because before today, I never thought about what it
would like to feel both these things at once. I can't put it in to words,
and I can't explain it. The rational part of my brain keeps telling me I
shouldn't feel like this. We don't know anything. Not really. Of course,
the rational part of my brain turned itself off thirty-eight hours ago.
The floor was still littered with cards and trivial pursuit questions
when Wallace called to wake up Sam. We could have sat in our offices and
waited. We could have sent someone. As it was, there was no way Sam could
go anywhere near a war zone. I was not similarly constrained. Neither was
Diana or Toby. Wallace was most displeased. Sam was horrified. He ranted
for over an hour while I packed. I understand his point of view. I mean,
we're fighting a war there, Josh is being held hostage, assuming he's
still alive, and I want to go on holiday. He showed less distaste when I
decided to go to Northern Ireland and talk with the IRA during our state
visit to England. I won that argument too.
"Tell me again what exactly we know." Diana seems to be shrinking as time
passes. She's asked me that question at least once an hour, hoping I
suppose that I will add something I'd left out, or reveal something that
I had withheld. As God is my witness, I wouldn't keep state secrets from
her right now if they concerned Josh. I'm not that cruel.
She asks me to tell her everything three more times before we land. Then,
she lapses into silence as we settle into the limo. My thoughts turn to
people I have lost. This time, it's not the firsts that stick in my mind.
These memories are of people more substantial than Hannah Alson or Ian
Crawford.
Mark a few hours before he died. His funeral - the first I'd been to.
Rosslyn. Josh in the hospital. The phone call from Catherine the night
she died. Sam crying in his sister's guest room. Donna's memorial
service. The blood on Jamie's clothes. President Bartlet accepting his
nomination. My father's thumbs-up. Josh's rage. Sam's quiet suffering. My
daughter's pale skin - cold. Leo suffering through another spasm of pain.
The family, our real one, gathered at his grave.
Toby is the talkative one on the ride to the embassy. Of course, that
doesn't say much. It is, after all, Toby. He settles into the silence,
letting Diana rest her head against his shoulder. She's wearing a skirt
and a blouse and one of Josh's ties. Paisley - sage and hunter green. He
reaches around her after a moment to rest a hand against my back. I'm
numb to it, but I offer a wane smile in his direction.
*
"GO IN THERE!" Toby is pacing, punctuating his words with glares towards
all he deems incompetent. The trouble is, that's half the room. "Mr.
Ziegler, it's not that simple."
"THE HELL IT'S NOT!" He does have a point, but so do the uniforms. They
can storm the gates, but that would destroy any chance Josh has left. Of
course, he could be bleeding to death somewhere while we wait. It's sort
of a lose-lose situation. Finally, one of Georgia's guys asks me what I
think. I don't give the orders around here, remember? Don't put me in
this position.
He backpedals then, telling me that he just wanted to make use of my
expertise, but if I can't.... Oh. Well, I'm not sure I can profile Talia
Zeta. I obviously wasn't too successful there, I mean, Sam put together
the pieces before I did. "Do you think she would respond to
negotiations?" She's locked herself in a secure building with her
daughters, her guards, and Josh. What do you think? "Right. Any
suggestions?" I'm not sure. I mean, ideally, someone she knows and trusts
would have better success speaking with her, and much more success
convincing her to end this. She has what she wants. We went to war FOR
her cause. What more can she want?
There are some uncomfortable looks. I suppose some people aren't ready to
admit we, as a nation, we played. Let's face it. She wanted Palestine to
exist as a sovereign state, so she picked a fight between her husband's
government and the US, knowing he would lose and we would win. She got
her treaty. We want our Chief of Staff. In principle, the hard part
should be over.
After eight days, thousands of lives, and endless fear and panic, the
hard part should be over. I have a terrible feeling it's just beginning.
Then Diana looks at me, and breaks the silence she began in the
limousine. "Ma'am, she took your calls earlier in the week. Don't you
think she'd talk to you now?"
Toby is already shouting his objections, but they're in vain. Looks are
already being exchanged around the room, and Georgia's guy asks someone
what kind of gun the FBI uses. Someone answers, and he glares. They
scurry off to find one.
Does anyone care that I can't do this.
I can't do this, because I can barely breath.
What if I screw up?
He could die.
God of War: Part 28
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