Finally, he felt the elevator jolt and the doors whooshed open, Josh stepped out, ignoring Donna's sympathetic look. The Joey Lucas fiasco was pushed to the side for the moment. Josh didn't want to think on that - but one thing was certain: he was never ever taking Donna Moss's advice about women ever again. Josh had known as soon as he knocked on the door to Joey Lucas's room that this meeting was going to be bad. When Al Kiefer had answered the door it had just confirmed what he always known. Josh Lyman and women didn't mix - well they did, just not very well
"Hey Josh."
Josh stopped walking and saw Sam closing his cell phone and sliding it into the inside pocket of his suit. Josh repressed a sigh. Why couldn't he look half as good in his suits as Sam did? It wasn't fair.
Sam picked up the overnight bag that had been resting beside him and looked at Josh, a sympathetic expression on his face. And just like that, Josh knew Donna had told on him. Three seconds later it was confirmed. "So, I heard about Joey Lucas."
Josh waved a hand tiredly at Sam, who took the hint and stayed quiet. "Forget about it."
Sam nodded and then obviously couldn't resist putting his two cents in. "Still, I'm sorry, but at least you gave it a shot."
"Yeah." Josh studied Sam for a moment, as they began to walk towards the group waiting at the entrance. Sam looked tired, but no more than usual. However since he hadn't been able to stop thinking about it, Josh asked the question. "So, what were those pills that you took at lunch?"
Sam stopped walking and turned to look at Josh. "Nothing."
It was a quick answer. Josh frowned, not entirely convinced that Sam was telling the truth. It had looked like a prescription bottle of some sort. He had tried to get a glance at it, but Sam had been too quick at getting it to disappear. He raised his eyebrows at Sam. As someone who known Sam a very long time, Josh thought he knew when Sam was lying. Right now was one of those times. After all, Sam had made a killing working as a lawyer and one often needed a good poker face in those situations.
Sam, obviously reading the concern in his expression, took a step forward and patted Josh on the arm. "It was nothing special, Josh. Just some aspirin." His eyes were earnest, begging Josh to believe him.
Josh couldn't. "It looked like no aspirin bottle I've ever seen."
Sam shook his head at Josh. "It's aspirin, Josh. Don't worry about it. Kiefer was giving me a headache that's all."
Josh could sympathize with that sentiment, wholeheartedly, but he knew what Sam was doing. He was doing a good job of it, but Josh had done this play himself too many times not to recognize it. Sam was dodging. "Really?"
Sam sighed tiredly. "Forget about it Josh. It's nothing. Just some aspirin that's it." Sam's face pulled into a smile and he squeezed Josh's arm gently. "Thanks."
Josh smiled slightly at that. All Sam had to do allay his concerns was to show him the bottle, but Sam hadn't done that. And that prompted the question, why? Sam was pedantic about proving his point and by showing Josh the bottle Sam could prove his point quite well, Josh thought. The fact that Sam hadn't said a lot. "Anytime. What are friends for?"
"Josh! Sam! Move it we've got to go." Toby's bark made the two friends jump and hurry towards the door.
Josh and Sam jogged through the swinging doors of the lobby and tossed their bags in the trunk of one of the many cars that they had procured for President Bartlet's visit to LA. Josh followed Sam into the car and watched as Sam leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes as the car pulled out and they began the trip to the airport. Josh followed suit and gave Sam a mental round of applause. Sam had outplayed him this time by pulling the friendship card, but there was only so long that Sam could hold out against him. Besides, he always got to the heart of the matter eventually. Hell, he hadn't been made Deputy Chief of Staff for nothing. But this was friendship talking and Sam had him worried. Sam was one of the healthiest and fittest people he knew, the fact that Sam had pulled out a bottle in front of them all at lunch, including Kiefer, had him worried. It just wasn't like Sam. It wasn't like him at all.
Sam had always had a thing about, at least for long as Josh had known him, appearing healthy. "Appearance is everything, Josh," he had said. "You have to be seen to be healthy to be healthy." At the time, Josh had thought very little about the comment. Truth be told it hadn't really made much sense to him. Over time, Josh had picked up on some of Sam's habits and he had noticed that even when Sam was sick he didn't take his medication in front of others. Sam preferred to keep his health matters private, in fact now that he thought about it Sam rarely complained, even when he had the flu. So the very fact that Sam had pulled out a bottle of pills in front of everyone concerned him. No one else had really noticed. To Josh though, it was sign. A sign that something was wrong.
Josh wasn't afraid of many things. The one thing that he was afraid of was something happening to the people that he cared about. He didn't like to think about that. He also liked to think of himself as a smart man. Well, he was. All modesty aside, Josh knew he was a bright guy. But as he sat on Air Force One, Josh was stretching his mental abilities, trying to figure out what Sam was hiding, because it was obvious Sam was hiding something. Josh had been watching Sam since they had boarded the plane. Oh sure, he was being subtle about it. Not something he was renowned for, but when the push came to shove, Josh Lyman was a master at studying the scene and being subtle. Years in politics had taught him that particular skill. Much like years as a lawyer had taught Sam the same thing.
Sam was asleep.
Well, it looked like he was; Josh wasn't sure. Sam could've been faking it to avoid talking to him, Josh wouldn't have put it past Sam. Looking at Sam, Josh could see that the lines around Sam's eyes were still there. He had already seen Sam grab a bottle of water and some food and swallow another pill. Sam didn't know that Josh had seen, but he had. It only deepened his concern. What could it be? Josh wasn't used to seeing Sam take pills so frequently...almost like they were a prescribed medicine.
Josh shifted in the seat, plucking at unseen lint on his suit, and stared out the window to his right. It was a dark night, but Josh could make out some lights here and there. However, the lateness of the hour meant that most people were asleep in their beds. Josh wished that were where he was right now, home, asleep in his bed. His mind was working overtime on figuring this thing out with Sam. It would be a bad idea to confront Sam again in such a short period of time about the pills. Besides he hadn't planned the first conversation very well and Sam had out smarted him, he needed to think through the next conversation he had with Sam about the pills. What he needed to do was wait a little while, gather some intel, put it in context and let Sam drop his guard. So Josh rested his head back on the seat resting his eyes and began to review the last few weeks.
When had he started noticing Sam getting tired?
That was easy - last week. But other than that, he couldn't specify a time when it had seemed Sam had appeared more tired than usual. The stressful nature of their jobs often meant long hours and little sleep, hell Josh couldn't remember the last time he'd had a good night sleep. So how was this any different from how Sam usually appeared?
Josh gave a mental sigh. Hmm, this was going to be tougher than he thought. What he needed to do was think this through logically. The first question was Sam's supposed headache. How long had Sam had it? If it was a headache, Sam should be okay by the next day, Josh reasoned. If he wasn't, then it wasn't just a headache, was it? However, Josh thought that he proved that particular theory already, because Sam's apparent headache had already lasted a lengthy period of time. Josh opened his eyes and glanced at his watch... when was the Kiefer meeting? That had been about 1ish and it was now about three am in the morning... so Sam's headache had lasted over twelve hours, that couldn't be good.
With that thought in mind, Josh fell asleep.
It was not until the next day that Josh figured that he was right, it was more than a headache. Josh had been watching Sam off and on all morning trying to see and figure out what was wrong. Sam had been fairly quiet at staff; he had participated, but not with the usual amount of gusto.
Josh hadn't been the only one observing Sam's lack of enthusiasm, Leo had definitely given Sam a worried look, and Josh knew this because Leo had then looked at him, as if he should know. Josh had shrugged, well he was working on finding that out.
Everyone had been fairly energised after coming back from LA, except Sam. Watching Sam from a distance, as Sam talked with Toby and CJ, Josh knew that Sam was barely giving any attention to the conversation. He seemed preoccupied with something. Oh sure, he laughed in all the right places, and made one or two comebacks. Sam was participating in the discussion, but CJ and Toby were doing most of the talking. Sam was just standing there trying to appear interested. Then Sam's beeper went off and Sam looked at it, a frown forming on his face. Sam made quick excuses with CJ and Toby and was gone into his office, shutting the door firmly behind him.
Josh made another mental note to his checklist.
Sam usually enjoyed the debate and witty repartee that flew between the staffers, except today and, when Josh thought about it, for the past week. Then there was the fact that Sam's shirt was wrinkled, not obviously so to the casual observer... However, Josh was not a casual observer. Sam was usually a stickler for looking presentable. The fact that he wasn't, screamed loud and clear that something was wrong.
It was time, Josh decided, to make his move and confront Sam again. This was a calculated ploy. Josh knew that Sam was aware that Josh was worried about him. Therefore, this next confrontation would give nothing away - Josh didn't expect it to. Sam was too good at playing with words, but Josh had a plan.
Wear Sam down, until he spilled his guts.
It had worked before and it would work again. Josh was sure of it. Otherwise, he'd have to come up with something else that would work.
Josh rolled up his sleeves, giving Sam another minute or two in his office alone and then walked over, knocked once and walked right in. Sam was just hanging up the phone, for the briefest moment Josh caught fear on Sam's face, before it disappeared and Sam was looking at him guardedly. It made Josh's stomach flip. He never seen that expression on Sam's face before and he didn't know what it could mean.
"Don't you ever knock?" Sam asked.
Josh painted an easy smile on his face. "I did, but you were too busy to hear. Who was that by the way?"
"What do you need, Josh?"
Sam's voice was even, yet Josh thought he detected a note of strain to it. His worry deepened as he saw the bottles of vitamins on Sam's desk, when had Sam bought so many? Hell, he knew Sam was obsessed about his health, but from looking at it, Sam had a pharmacy on his desk.
" 'Cause, you know, it seemed kind of serious." Josh breezed on, walking over to stand in front of Sam's desk. Sam looked up at him, his blue eyes tired, not answering. Josh idly picked up a vitamin bottle and frowned at Sam. "How's the headache?"
Sam's eyes narrowed, a furrow forming on his brow. "Fine."
Josh knew it was now or never; he had to ask again, make the final play for this confrontation. Sam was catching on to him, his blue eyes were looking at him calculatingly. Josh shrugged, replacing the bottle on Sam's desk. "Got a lot of vitamins here, Sam, is everything okay?"
Sam rose abruptly. "Everything's fine. How many times do I have to tell you I'm fine?"
Josh pursed his lips thoughtfully, now Sam sounded annoyed at him, perhaps now was not the time to push. "Really?"
"Yes, really," Sam snapped and then he took a deep breath.
Josh watched in amazement as Sam's demeanor changed entirely. The man was a chameleon at hiding his true feelings Josh was sure of it. Right now, he couldn't read Sam and he could always read Sam. Just like Sam could always....
Oh shit, Josh thought. Just like Sam could always read him. Sam had seen through him the minute he had walked into his office. Damn, maybe he should've waited another hour or so to confront Sam.
Sam smiled briefly at Josh. "I'm fine, really. I'm just tired." Sam walked around his desk.
"Really?" Josh said, not even bothering to hide the worry in his voice this time. This time it wasn't a calculated move. He was worried about Sam and wasn't afraid to show it. "You're just tired? Why all the vitamins?"
Sam shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. Josh noted it didn't reach Sam's eyes. "One can never be too careful with one's health, Josh." He steered Josh out of his office.
"Where are we going?" Josh looked at Sam curiously as Sam continued to guide them somewhere.
Sam gave a shrug. "The mess."
Josh frowned. "Why?"
"Because I'm hungry and it's lunch time." Sam said with a look of exasperation as they went down the stairs.
"Well, what if I don't have time?" Josh asked, following Sam into the mess.
Sam looked at him incredulously. "Then you wouldn't have come this far."
"Okay, fair point." Josh agreed, grabbing some food from the mess and sitting down with Sam.
Round Two was a draw, Josh decided. It had gone pretty much the way Josh had thought it would - except the unexpected moment when he'd realized that Sam was onto him. Josh wondered who had been on the phone, that brief unguarded moment, before Sam's control had slipped in, had shown real fear. Hmmm, Round three would have to wait, Josh decided. He took a bite of the sandwich he had grabbed and looked at Sam and frowned. Sam had two large sandwiches in front of him and was eating ravenously. "Miss breakfast?"
Sam looked up from his sandwich. "What?" He looked confused for half a beat, then shrugged. "Something like that."
Josh studied Sam as he ate. Sam still looked exhausted, but that was to be expected after the whirlwind trip to LA. Hell, he was still tired as well. Still, Josh had the niggling feeling there was something more, and his most recent conversations with Sam had done nothing to ease his mind.
Fifteen minutes later, Josh left Sam and headed to his office, then cursed, as he remembered there had been another reason he had been going to see Sam earlier. He had to get Sam to look at a section of the Hilton Head draft again. Josh grabbed it from his desk and headed out to see Sam. He was waylaid by Toby just outside Sam's office, so he had a good view of Sam when he took another pill. Only listening to half of Toby's rant, he watched as Sam sat down at his desk then seemed to frown and shake his head rubbing at his eyes. What was that about? Josh wondered. Round three might come sooner than Sam thought.
"Are you even listening to me?" Toby asked curtly.
Josh gulped, he gave Toby an apologetic look. "Sorry. What was it you were saying?" Forcing himself to concentrate on work for the next few hours at least, he'd talk to Sam tomorrow.
Walking into the office the next day, Josh was excited at the prospect of the day's work ahead. He loved working in politics, it really was a buzz. Nothing compared to it... Well, except for a few things, Josh mused, with a grin. He was here early enough to get started on a few things before Donna came in at seven. Josh loved his assistant dearly and probably couldn't survive without her, but sometimes her constant interruptions made it difficult to work.
Josh sat down behind his desk and gathered his files together, sitting on top was the Hilton Head Draft. In the end, he hadn't gotten Sam to review it yesterday. Toby had been determined to get some help with the thing... Josh frowned trying to remember what it was that Toby had been going on about, but what he did remember was looking in on Sam and seeing him take those pills. Those pills that Sam had pulled out of his top desk drawer.... Josh rose, time to do a little reconnaissance.
The thought that he was violating his best-friend's privacy did occur to him. Josh ignored the thought however; his concern for Sam over-riding the niggling voice of his conscience, instead he listened to the voice that told him he was doing the right thing.
Josh felt like some weird kind of secret agent as he walked into Sam's office and made his way over to the desk. Another attack of conscience made him hover uncertainly over the desk. Josh sat down behind Sam's desk and looked out through the window to the bullpen. Josh liked Sam's office, it was so much brighter than his own. Although it also lacked the privacy that his office gave him, Josh wondered if that annoyed Sam on any level. He remembered Sam's office at Gage Whitney, it had been impressive to say the least. Bigger and more grandiose looking, Josh recalled that the desk had been huge and he had wondered at the time if he could pry Sam away from working corporate law.
Josh tapped his fingers on the desk, trying to will himself to open the drawer. He saw the messages on Sam's desk and sighed, nothing there that clued him in to what was going on with his friend. He frowned absently, why was it okay to look at the messages and not in the drawer? 'Because they are laying out in the open for all to see,' his conscience informed him.
Josh glanced at all the windows in the Communications area. Were they symbolizing that the Communications staff were open and not hiding anything from the press or the American people? Was that what all these windows were trying to convey? Josh gave a snort of amusement, well, then it only worked in half measure, because they did try to hide things from the American people and press. Just like Sam was trying to hide something from him. What could it be? Josh's hand moved to the handle of the drawer.
Josh rose, he would not do this, he couldn't go through Sam's things like this. He would be more adult about this... He would... He would have to think of another plan, because there was no way he was opening that drawer.
It occurred to Josh, as he meandered back to his office, that Sam probably would have taken that pill bottle home with him last night - so much for being a bright guy. He laughed at himself.
Through out the day, Josh had watched Sam. If anything, Josh thought, as he strode out to his car that evening, Sam had been avoiding him. Josh wouldn't have put it past Sam. It was the type of thing Sam would do. Josh sighed and got in his car, he would have to see whether or not tomorrow was the day to confront Sam.
The next day was not.
It had been all Josh could do to just keep his head in the game. They had lost five votes on the education bill and that had meant some serious running around between the Hill and the White House. He had checked on Sam a few times, and each time was brushed off. Josh was really getting tired of the word 'fine'.
Josh had questioned Toby and CJ to see if they had noticed anything with Sam, subtly of course. Josh wasn't sure he was happy to know that they hadn't really, other than that he seemed tired. CJ's theory was that it was due to the flu that was going around. Leo, however, had been throwing questioning looks in Sam's direction. Yesterday, Sam's clothes had been ironed and starched to within an inch of their life. Sam had been making an effort to reassure him, Josh had deducted, it hadn't worked. Difference was that today, even while he was running between meetings, Josh had noticed that Sam's shirt had a few creases in them that shouldn't have.
By the time that Josh had managed to get the votes back, Sam had gone home for the day. So there wasn't much time to even think about starting Round Three.
The following morning, Josh got into work at his usual time, early. He grabbed a mug of coffee, the saving grace for any politician, and went to work... trying to figure out what was up with his friend while he worked through the reports that he had neglected the day before.
Sam was still taking pills.
Josh had asked him about it, again. He had gotten the same response. Aspirin. Josh didn't really believe that. How could he? Sam took them way too regularly. Josh rubbed his eyes, and then stood wondering if Sam was already in the office.
After a quick look in the Communications bullpen, Josh figured that Sam hadn't come in yet.
"Hey, Josh?" Donna grabbed his arm as he went back to his office. Josh stopped walking and looked at her.
"Senator Wylie, would like to talk to you."
And so the day began, Josh thought, pushing his thoughts about Sam aside for the present.
Fifty-five minutes later at the staff meeting, Josh was concerned and he wasn't the only one.
"Has anybody seen him this morning?" Leo snapped.
"No." That was CJ, she sounded like she was trying to placate Leo. Josh gave her points for trying.
Josh was about to offer to go look for him, when Sam stumbled in. Josh exchanged a glance with CJ and then Leo. Toby had a breakfast meeting and hadn't been able to attend staff. Sam looked... he looked really tired.
"Problem?" Leo asked first before anyone could say anything.
Sam shrugged and plopped down in the chair on the far side of the table away from Josh. CJ was sitting on the couch. "I over-slept."
"You over-slept?" Josh said incredulously, before he could stop himself.
Sam shot him a caustic look that made Josh aware of the tired circles under Sam's eyes. "It happens."
Not to you, Josh thought, not to you. Sam was a stickler for always being on time unless circumstances prevented him from doing so. But over-sleeping? That was... That wasn't like Sam at all.
"You okay?" That was Leo. Obviously coming to the same conclusions that Josh had.
Sam waved a hand at them all. "It's fine."
Josh noticed that Sam didn't say that everything was okay, that he was fine, just a casual remark that could have been about the weather. Josh didn't like this he didn't like this at all.
Sam gave them all a look. "What did I miss?"
After that, everyone got back to the meeting at hand. Josh shot casual looks in Sam's direction to just observe him and see if Sam was okay. Sam was frowning in concentration as he listened to something CJ said, then he blinked abruptly shaking his head and rubbing his eyes. It was as if Sam was trying to clear his vision. Josh mused.
Sam then looked up and saw Josh looking at him and shot him a half smile. Josh didn't find it reassuring. The meeting dragged and Josh's concern rose. Finally, it was over.
Josh rose quickly and sidled up to walk beside Sam. As they exited Leo's office, Josh clamped a hand down on Sam's shoulder, steering Sam towards his own office. Initially Sam balked, but then he gave in like Josh had known he would. Josh entered his office and shut the door behind them both.
Sam was standing looking at him with a vague look of irritation that was quickly masked.
Josh crossed his arms and leaned back against the door. "You're going to tell me what's wrong and you're going to tell me, now."
Sam sighed and shrugged defensively. "Nothing is going on. The fact that you have an over-active imagination is up for debate, though."
Sam was back to being evasive again. Josh shook his head at him. "Nice try, but I'm not buying."
"It's the-"
"If you say it's the truth, then I'm going to have to hit you," Josh said cutting him off. He was tired of having Sam tell him that everything was fine when it so clearly wasn't.
Sam smiled wanly and settled himself down on the edge of Josh's desk.
Josh found it vaguely amusing. There he was leaning against his office door, arms crossed, with Sam opposite him in roughly the same position sitting on the edge of his desk. It reminded him of something that he had read in college that when a person crossed their arms in front of them it was a defensive position... Josh thought that particular theory applied to Sam right now.
Sam ran a hand through his hair, an uncharacteristic gesture for him. "What do you want to know?" The tone was resigned, the expression guarded.
Josh knew exactly what he wanted to find out from Sam. "Those pills?"
Sam raised his eyebrows and let out a snort of laughter that was anything but happy sounding. "God, you still on that?"
"I was never off it."
"Yeah, I got that... you've been hovering since we got back from LA," Sam muttered, looking away from Josh and down at the floor.
There was a rap at the door. Josh sighed. Sam looked up as Josh pulled open the door and gave Donna a look that showed his annoyance.
Donna smiled at him. "Messages." She handed him a few slips of paper and Josh took them and then went to shut the door. "What going on?" she asked, curiously looking past him to see Sam.
"Nothing." Josh said, he turned to look at Sam. "We're are going over the Hilton Head draft."
Sam's eyebrows rose fractionally and he nodded and smiled at Donna.
Josh turned back to his assistant, seeing Donna's nod. Josh was relieved to see that she had bought it, she smiled at them both. "So, no interruptions?"
Or maybe she did. Josh decided, maybe he had been hovering over his friend like Sam said he had been - damn that lousy poker face.
"All right." She said, "I'll see to it."
Then again, maybe she didn't. Josh decided as he shut the door. If she had thought something was up she would've said so. Donna was not known for her tact, that's why Josh had stuck with her. She sometimes was as tactless as he was. Or, Josh mused, she could be waiting to ask him what was going on later, which meant that she might think something was up.
He pushed those thoughts aside and turned his attention back to Sam.
Sam gave him a small rebuking smile. "Hilton Head draft?"
"It wasn't a lie. I do need you to go over a paragraph." Josh said echoing Sam's smile. He sat down on the bench near the door. Sam's blue eyes were watching him warily. "So you were saying about those pills?"
"I didn't say anything about those pills." Sam tilted his head to look at him.
"No." Josh agreed, "that's right you didn't because we were interrupted."
"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Sam's voice was both amused and annoyed. It was an odd combination.
Nodding his head in agreement, Josh shrugged. "What can I say? I care."
Sam opened his mouth to reply to that and then apparently thought better of it. He was silent for a few minutes, Josh waited Sam out, he knew Sam was about to tell him, he just had to have a little patience. On some level, Josh suspected, Sam did want to tell him, Josh just had to wait till that side won out in Sam's mind against whatever was stopping Sam from talking.
"Those pills you keep harping on..."
Josh had a mild objection to the use of the word 'harping' no matter how much it suited the context of the situation.
"... are prescribed antibiotics."
"I thought so." Josh gave Sam an encouraging smile. Sam wasn't looking at him though, he was looking at the floor with that same look that he the other day when he was on the phone. Josh didn't like that look. Josh rose and moved to sit down beside Sam on the desk.
"What is it?"
Sam gave a little cough, to clear his throat. "A couple of weeks ago... I had the flu." Sam shot Josh a self-deprecating smile. "At least I thought it was the flu... turns out it was a viral infection."
Josh waited, there was something else, he was sure of it. He nudged Sam's shoulder to jog Sam out of his thoughts and get him speaking again. "And?"
Sam was back to looking at the floor. "It didn't appear to be clearing up... I'm still..."
"You're still sick?" he prompted, when it became clear that Sam wasn't going to finish that sentence.
Sam nodded. "That phone call the other day was the doctor informing me that I have to have more tests about why this viral thing won't go away."
"What does he think it is?" Josh asked carefully.
Sam rose and moved to stare out the window. "He has no idea, no clue. I've ... aha, I've been tired and stuff."
Josh stood and moved to stand next to Sam, not invading his space but offering support. "Stuff?"
Sam gave him a shadow of his normal grin. "You really don't want to know."
Flashing a smile at Sam to let him know that he was amused at the comment, Josh patted Sam's shoulder. "Have you had the tests?"
Sam shook his head. "I haven't had time."
Josh gnawed at his lip. "So you have something wrong..." He stopped himself abruptly, not wanting to lecture Sam at the moment. He stayed silent for a moment trying to figure out what to say that was... it was then that he noticed the way Sam was standing.
Sam was standing arms crossed in front of him, almost like he was hugging himself. He was staring out the window, clearly lost in thought. Sam's expression was so lost... he looked scared.
Josh scrubbed a hand through his hair and opened his mouth to speak, Sam cut him off.
"What if it's something bad, Josh?"
Josh felt his breath leave his lungs in a gasp at how small Sam's voice sounded. It was a tone he had never heard before, it was so .... Sam was terrified about what was going on. Josh was lost for words for a moment, that Sam, the strong man he knew could sound so terrified. Then he did what any good friend would do, he gave his friend a hug.
Wrapping an arm around Sam's shoulder, he pulled Sam to him, Sam resisted the movement, but then he gave in, allowing himself to take comfort from Josh's embrace. It wasn't a long hug, but it was enough for Sam to perk up a little when he pulled away. Josh squeezed Sam's shoulder. "If it's anything, we'll fight it."
Sam's eyes were bright with emotion. "Yeah?"
Josh swallowed past the lump in his own throat. "Yeah." It was a firm reply and it helped to dispel the fear that Josh had seen all over Sam's face moment ago. "When do you have to have the tests?"
Sam scrubbed a hand over his face and sat down in Josh's office chair. "Whenever." He massaged his brow. "I'm tired."
Josh leaned back against the window frame. "You look it."
Sam nodded, then with an obvious effort he pulled himself together. "So the Hilton Head draft?"
"Can wait." Josh moved to the door and grabbed his coat and back pack. "Grab your stuff."
Confused, Sam just looked at him and then his expression cleared as he caught on to what Josh was suggesting. "Now?"
"Now." Josh confirmed with a nod. "I'll talk to Leo and ..." He held up a hand to stop any protests that Sam might have. "I'll be discrete."
"Sure." Sam gave the vaguest laugh, the first one that Josh had heard that sounded like the Sam that he knew.
"I can be discrete." Josh feigned hurt, trying to keep things light for Sam's sake.
Sam rose, hefting himself up with the help of the desk. Sam hadn't been kidding, Josh thought, he really was tired... Josh just hoped it was the viral infection. But until they knew anything for sure he wasn't going to buy trouble. Something Sam had taught him when they had both worked on Capitol Hill, now it was time for Josh to repay the favor.
Sam straightened his suit and waited for Josh to open his door. "Let's go, then."
"I'll meet you at your office five minutes from now, 'kay?"
"Do I have a choice?" Sam muttered.
"No." Josh said with a grin, "You are choice-less."
"That's what I thought." Sam strode away. Josh watched him go for a moment then gave himself a mental shake and went to talk to Leo. Now, that he knew what was up, Josh was even more concerned for his friend. Josh was glad Sam had finally told him what was going, because this wasn't something his friend should be going through alone. Sam was going to be fine. Josh thought determinedly. He was. He had to be..... Had to be.
Josh hated hospitals. Hated them with a passion that went right back to his childhood. He knew exactly when this intense dislike had started, when his sister had been brought to one and then ...and then passed away. Always, even now, when he was a grown man, Josh had a mental hiccup when he went to think about his sister.
The absolute worst place to be was the waiting room. Josh could recall sitting in a waiting room just like this and waiting for his dad to come out from his tests. The same feeling had settled in his stomach... he felt really nervous. Josh hunched over in the chair, resting his chin on the palm of his right hand. The couch's were brown, Josh guessed that was to hide the dirt, but they were comfortable to sit in. Better than the orange plastic chairs he had seen on the way in, down near the emergency area. There was a TV on in the corner, but the sound was muted and dulled, and Josh wasn't paying any attention to it.
What was the time? It was now a little over an hour since Sam had gone to see his doctor. They'd had to wait till he was available. Josh didn't know whether it was comforting or not to find out from the nurse/receptionist that the doctor had shuffled his appointments so he could see Sam.
Sam had been quiet on the way over. Josh hadn't wanted to disturb him, just asked the directions to where they had to go and then driven there.
Josh itched to turn his cell phone and call the office to see what was happening so he could have something to do. He hated waiting and not knowing what was happening with Sam.
"Mr Lyman?"
Josh looked over towards the door, a nurse was standing there with an appeasing smile on her face. If Josh had been in the mood to care, he would've thought she was attractive. He wasn't in the mind to care. "Yes?"
"You're Mr Lyman?" she asked.
Barely refraining from rolling his eyes, Josh's nodded. There was no one else in the waiting room, of course he was Mr Lyman. "Yeah that's me."
His voice sounded husky, Josh suspected it was the nerves coming through. The nurse gave him a sympathetic look.
"Mr Seaborn's ready to see you now."
His stomach rolled at that particular comment. What on earth did that particular comment mean? Sam was getting some tests done, he wasn't going to be admitted... oh shit. Josh had trouble controlling the panic that flooded through him, but he managed it. He needed to be strong, he needed to be strong for Sam.
"Sir?"
Josh nodded and brushing his hands on his pants, he rose. "Let's go."
He found out from the nurse that Sam had put in a room. At first he had thought it was just an exam room, but, the nurse had cleared that up for him. Sam's doctor had decided that Sam was...
Sam was in a room.
Josh forced a grin on his face when he found that out. Sam was in a room. A room. What did that mean? What could it mean?
The nurse gave a gentle knock on the door to Sam's room and entered. Josh followed her in. The nurse gave him a pat on the arm and then left him alone in the room with Sam. Sam was lying on one of those gurney's that passed for a hospital bed, with his eyes closed. Josh walked forward to stand beside the bed. "Sam?"
Sam blinked and opened his eyes. When he saw Josh, his face pulled into a tired grin. "Hey."
Echoing the smile Josh sat down on the edge of the bed. "What's up?"
Sam shifted on the bed. "I had the tests."
"And?"
Sam gave a sigh. "Don't know yet." Sam held up his right arm and Josh winced when he saw the patch of gauze on the arm. There was a little bit of blood showing through the gauze. Blood tests, Josh hated blood tests, the idea of needle going into your vein - they always said just a prick, it won't hurt, but it was more than just a prick. It hurt.
"So why are you in the bed?" Josh asked.
An amused chuckle escaped Sam. "Dr. Peters thought I should be resting. So he stuck me on a bed while I waited for the tests results."
"Does he think it's serious?"
"He's not worried yet." Sam looked away from Josh and out through the window.
"How long?"
"Said, it wouldn't take long."
A silence fell between the two of them.
Sam's expression was grim when he spoke again. "I keep having blurred vision."
Josh started in surprise. "You what?"
Sam didn't appear to hear him, lost in his thoughts. "They sent me for a CT."
"They sent you for a CT." Josh couldn't keep the horror out of his voice.
Sam gave a twisted smile. "Yeah."
"Sam-" Josh began, only to be cut off by Sam.
"It's going to be fine, Josh."
Now, Sam was reassuring him, because he couldn't face his own fears. Josh reached out and grabbed Sam's hand and gave it a quick gentle squeeze. "Of course it is."
There was rap at the door, and Josh turned to look behind, but didn't move from his position on the bed. A man, about his own age stood in the door way. Sam's greeting told him who exactly the visitor was, although the white lab coat was a dead give away.
"Dr. Peters."
"Sam." Peters sent a quizzical look Josh's way.
Josh rose and held a hand out. "Josh Lyman. Sam's friend."
Peter's shook it very briefly. "Aha... yes." Peters gave a nod then looked down at the chart he was holding then at Sam. "If you'll excuse us Mr Lyman, I'd -"
Sam spoke cutting him off. "It's okay, I'd like Josh to stay."
Josh sat back down on the bed. He gave Sam a reassuring smile, Sam nodded, but Josh could read the fear that was there.
"All right then." Peters agreed, he moved to shut the door and then walked round to the opposite of the bed to Josh. "We got the results of your tests back..."
Josh heard the soft intake of breath that Sam took as he prepared himself for the news.
"The symptoms you've been experiencing, the blurred vision, fatigue, increased thirst..."
Josh frowned, come to think of it, Sam had been drinking more water than usual.
"... increased hunger...."
Thinking back, Josh recalled that Sam had been eating bigger meals recently. The other day in the mess, those two sandwiches, they had been huge and he had seen the snack that Sam had later, it was a sandwich as well. Sam had been eating more.
"...loss of weight."
Josh looked at Sam and saw for the first time in the hospital gown that Sam was wearing, that his friend had lost a bit of weight.
Sam nodded at the doctor. "The viral infection refusing to go away."
"Yes." Peters agreed. "These were all symptoms of something..."
"That's obvious." Josh thought, the half-amused glare that Sam shot his way, made Josh realize that he had said that last comment out loud.
Peters for his part ignored him and looked at Sam seriously. "Sam, you have diabetes."
"What?" Sam said sounding shocked.
Josh rested his hand on Sam's leg to let Sam know he was there, supporting him.
Sam sighed. "The symptoms make sense then, don't they?"
"Yes, they do. Now, you have what is commonly known as Type II diabetes."
"I thought that only happened in over weight or aged people." Sam replied.
Oh, that's right, Josh mused, Sam had been going over the latest health report. Talk about irony.
"Well, yes that true, Sam. But it can also occur in a small percentage of people like yourself."
"How did this happen? Sam was fine." Josh asked the doctor.
Peters gave him a look of understanding. Josh decided that he liked this doctor. "Well, Mr Lyman-"
"Josh."
"Okay, Josh, we don't know what actually brings on diabetes in a man of Sam's age." Peters looked down at his chart. "But with exercise and some medicine, we should be able to control it just fine." Peters turned his direct gaze at Sam. "Diet is going to be important from now on Sam."
Sam gave a weak nod. "What else?"
Josh tuned out the rest of the conversation. Sam was going to be okay. Thank god. When Sam had told him that he'd had a CT, Josh had thought for one terrifying moment that Sam had cancer or a tumor or something. Diabetes wasn't good. But it was better than what Josh had thought was going on. Josh glanced at Sam and saw that he was nodding and uh huhing in all the right places. Josh would bet that Sam wished he had his yellow legal pad so he could have been taking notes. Sam shot him a look and gave him a smirk. Josh grinned back. Sam had seen what he was thinking.
Sam's face, while still serious with concentration as he listened to Peters, was also painted with relief. Josh couldn't blame him, he was not a little relieved himself. Josh rose he had better call Leo and let him know what was going on with Sam. When he had told Leo that Sam had a doctor's appointment, Leo had just told him to take Sam and not to worry. The fact that Leo hadn't pushed him on the subject too much had told Josh all he needed to know, Leo was just as worried about Sam as he was.
After Peters had left to get Sam some information to take with him, Josh patted his leg. "You okay?"
Sam shot him resigned smile. "Yeah, just a lot to take in."
Josh nodded and then sighed. "Listen Sam, I need to ask..." he paused wondering how to phrase this, he knew how Sam was about keeping his health private. But this was... this was something Leo should know about, especially with the concern that Leo had shown earlier about Sam.
"I rather not tell Leo, yet." Sam answered before he could finish asking the question.
Surprised, Josh raised his eyebrows at Sam. "What? Are you psychic now?"
Sam smiled at that, then shrugged. "That would frighten you, wouldn't it?"
Josh laughed. "Probably."
Sam chuckled, then gave a vague gesture with his hand. "You just seemed," he paused and gave Josh a small smile. "It's the question that I would've asked."
"Aha," Josh nodded, and he pulled a face. "But, still, Sam, I have to-"
Sam cut him off. "I'd just like to have a day to adjust, you know."
"Well, you're going to get that," Josh responded with a smile, "but I need to tell him something, listen, Leo's been noticing..."
Sam shot him a wry smile. "That I've looked bad?"
Josh laughed. "Yes. So, I think.."
"Tell him." Sam's said, suddenly adamant.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Sam waved a hand then looked down away from Josh. "He'll need to know... if something ever happened."
The last was said more to himself than to Josh, so Josh squeezed Sam's leg where his hand had been resting. Sam looked up at him, Josh gave him a smile. "Nothing will."
Sam smiled. "You think so?"
"I know so."
Peters walked through the door. "Okay, Sam I have here..."
Josh and Sam exchanged a smile and then turned their attention to the doctor.
Forty minutes later, Josh was driving Sam home. Peters had told Sam that he had to take the rest of the day off to get well, because of the viral infection. Sam hadn't really liked that, so Josh had taken it upon himself to stay with Sam. Besides, Sam needed some help getting used to all the stuff that he was going to have to take care of now. After having called Leo and having told him the score, Leo had told him to take Sam home and look after him. Probably assuming correctly that he wouldn't be too much use for the rest of the day. Josh decided not tell Sam about Leo's order, reasoning that Sam wouldn't like the implication that he couldn't take of himself anyway. Josh made a mental note to go back to the office that evening to check on the day's work.
Grabbing a soda, Josh let out a snort when he saw Sam's refrigerator. Josh doubted very much that Sam's refrigerator had ever been known to stock anything unhealthy... that was discounting the beer of course. Sam was a health nut, so the diet wasn't going to have to be changed that much... although Sam would have take time to exercise more regularly. Josh would see that he did.
"Hey Josh, come see this." Sam called from the living room.
Josh smiled, that was the lightest he'd heard Sam's voice sound in days. He walked out to see Sam looking at all the medication he had to take on the coffee table, plus the added stuff about his diabetes; pamphlets about diet, about care, about the importance of exercise, about coping with diabetes. Sam was looking at it with a bemused grin on his face. "Unbelievable, huh?"
Josh could only agree. "Yeah."
Sam sat down on the couch. Josh sat down beside him placing the soda on the table. "You okay?"
"Other than the fact that I now have a condition?" Sam retorted with a grin.
"Yeah, other than that. You're taking this awfully well."
Sam was a silent for a moment, clearly thinking about this and then he gave a small shrug. "I guess, I had built up the worst case scenario in my mind and no where in it did it include this. This is just something I have to adjust to. I'm a little bit freaked I'll admit, but this is no where what I thought it was going to be..." Sam's voice cracked and Josh glanced at Sam to see that he was once again staring at the table. "This is okay. This I can do."
"I'll help you."
Sam laughed. "Thanks. Should we practice testing my blood sugar?"
The idea that Sam was going to have to do that everyday, made Josh a little squeamish, but he gave Sam a nod. "I'm game."
Josh reached for the materials and read through it rapidly. "Okay, says here your levels should be somewhere between 160 milligrams per deciliter or 200 milligrams."
Sam frowned. "Okay, Peters said I'd have to test more regularly because of the viral thing, once that clears up I should only have to do it twice a day."
"Okay," Josh gestured at the machine that Sam had been forced to buy. "Let's do it."
Sam nodded. "This could be fun."
Josh laughed. "Only you could find this fun."
Sam waved the gadget that tested his blood sugar at Josh. "You want to try?"
Josh held up his hands. "I'm not the one with the..."
"You scared?" Sam mocked him with a smile.
"No!" Josh snorted, "It's just pointless that's all."
"Come on, admit it. You're scared to get your finger pricked."
"I am not."
"Are too."
Josh gave a staying gesture with one of his hands. "Okay, this has got to stop, because now we're regressing to school yard..."
"Debating?" Sam supplied helpfully, his grin wide.
Josh rolled his eyes. "I was going to say, ..."then he frowned. "Actually I can't remember..."
Sam shook his head sadly. "And thus, it begins, the demise of the great Josh Lyman."
"You think I'm great?"
"It was an expression." Sam grabbed the instructions for the gadget and began to read them. "Says, it hardly hurts to get it done... come on it'll be fun."
"Once again, I'm astounded by what you would call fun." Josh said dryly.
Sam shot him a look. "Well, don't buy trouble, Josh."
"Aha, yes, the infamous Seaborn philosophy." Josh laughed.
"Better than the Lyman philosophy of ...." Sam stopped and he turned to look at Josh, a grave expression on his face. "Thanks for helping me through this stuff."
"Hey, no sweat." Josh patted the side of Sam's face gently. Sam's eyes twinkled at him and Josh gave him a gentle smile. "It's what friends do."
"Yeah." Sam agreed, he gave Josh an impulsive hug. "Thanks."
"You're welcome." Josh gave Sam a little pat on the back and then rose. "How about I get us some food?"
"But, I haven't taken any blood yet."
"I think you should eat something." Grimacing, Josh rolled a shoulder. Sam knew how he hated the sight of blood and that's probably why Sam was tormenting him with this thing.
"Good idea." Sam answered turning back to the materials before him. "I'm hungry."
"Big surprise."
"Was to me."
"Liar."
"Well, you're the master at seeing through my lies," Sam shot back. "Just so you know, you have a lousy poker face."
Josh walked into the kitchen and began rummaging through Sam's pantry. "That's not a surprise."
"No, you're right about that."
Josh grinned at the response. It had been days since he and Sam had bantered like this, he had missed it. Relief didn't begin to cover the emotion that he felt when he had found out that Sam was going to be okay. Sure, diabetes was nothing to snub your nose at, but Sam was a survivor and he had put up with worse situations. Josh had never known anything to keep Sam down for long. And just to be sure Josh was going to watch out for him, because that's what friends do - they look after one another.
Sam was booked into to have education classes about his diabetes. Josh had taken note of the information and, when Sam had been busy with Peters, had made an appointment to go to one himself.
Josh was prepared to keep on an eye on Sam, because Sam was best friend and brother all rolled into one, Josh couldn't have asked for a better friend. After all, Sam was right, why buy trouble about thinking about the worst case scenarios associated with Sam's diabetes? If Sam looked after himself, and Josh would see that he did, then he would be fine. Josh gave himself a mental shake and reached for the loaf of bread that was in Sam's fridge. Josh's world was back to normal and in the end his plan had worked in getting Sam to talk. The wear Sam down till he spilled his guts plan. He would have to remember that for next time. Josh laughed when he heard Sam yell him his reading. "Not that there's going to be a next time." Not if Josh could help it and was there to look after his friend.
Sam was fine.
All was right with the world. At least Josh's world, and that's all that mattered to him.