Into the Dark

Simba



For a Saturday the West Wing had been pretty quiet which surprised Josh. Usually there was a flurry of activity. Well, at least it always seemed that way when he worked on the weekend. Josh had come in for the morning to work on some tax relief file. He had seen a few of the other senior staff around, but they hadn't spoken much. Each obviously wanting to have a Saturday to themselves. Donna had put her foot down and told him in no uncertain terms that she wasn't coming in and Josh hadn't minded, since it gave him a chance to work undisturbed. Josh pushed the file away. It was done, for now. He could go. Standing, he grabbed his coat and backpack. He glanced out the window and sighed. It was raining. Typical, of course, it would rain on the weekend. He pulled out his umbrella and made his way out of the West Wing. Josh was heading to his car when he saw him.

Thinking it was his imagination at first, he did a double take. Nope. It was Sam. Josh frowned. It was Sam and he was sitting in the rain. Josh made his way over to his friend, his feet splashing through puddles of water. It must've been raining for some time. He noted with concern that Sam's clothing looked saturated. What on earth? What had... scratch that, what hadn't happened lately? Josh coughed as he approached so that Sam was aware of his presence. Sam didn't stir. He was almost like a statue, skin white, only his pink cheeks highlighted his cheekbones.

"You're sitting outside."

"Yep." Sam didn't look up, he was staring straight ahead. Staring out onto the street.

"Sam! You're sitting outside in the rain." Josh ran a hand through his hair as he moved to stand next to Sam and hoped that in some small way that his umbrella would shelter his friend. "Why are you sitting in the rain?"

There was a subtle flicker of emotion over Sam's bleak face. "Why not?" he countered.

Josh squatted down next to him. "For starters, it's not healthy..." he looked at Sam. Sam had yet to look at him. "How long have you been here?"

"In DC?" Sam asked, the smallest hint of a grim smile.

Josh did not laugh. "Sam!"

Sam shrugged. "Don't know...." His voice faded away and he frowned.

Josh touched Sam's shoulder. "What's wrong?"

There was a soft eruption of bitter laughter. "What isn't?"

Josh sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. His muscles were cramping from squatting next to Sam. His trench coat was already getting soaked along its hem. Sam's coat stank of wet wool and he wondered absently, if Sam noticed it. "Sam, let's..." he paused and rose. "Let's go inside."

"What's the point?"

"To get you warm, you lunatic," Josh snapped and then held up hand. "Sorry."

Sam shrugged. "Whatever."

Sam still hadn't looked at him. Josh stepped in front of Sam's field of vision. Sam looked down at his tightly clenched hands, the knuckles were white. Josh rested his hand over Sam's and flinched when he felt how cold they were. "Jesus. Sam. Look at me..."

Sam sighed, moving his hands away. "I'm fine."

"Right." Josh felt a cool wind blow over them and knew that he had to get Sam out of the cold weather. "Get up. I'm taking you home."

"Josh -"

"Shut up," Josh discounted, hefting Sam up forcefully by his right arm. "Move it, let's go."

"You know it is possible that I know what I'm doing."

Josh looked at Sam, hair plastered down, water running in rivulets down his face and his clothing so soaked it no longer was absorbing any of the rain, but dripping onto the pavement and shook his head. "No, I don't think that's possible. Let's go."

Sam looked like he was about to argue and then much to Josh's surprise agreed. "All right."

They made their way to the car park in silence. Sam walked over to his car and Josh followed him. Sam had yet to look him in the eye and it worried Josh. "I'm not letting you drive." Josh reached for Sam's car keys and made a noise of disapproval when Sam jerked his hands away.

"I'm perfect-"

"No. Either you go home with me in my car or I drive you home in your car," Josh said, watching as Sam mulled that over. Finally, looking away from Josh, Sam handed him the keys. Taking them, Josh unlocked the car and got in. Sam did the same hopping in and staring out the window. Josh checked to see that the air-conditioner was off, he didn't want to have air blowing over their wet clothing, he didn't want to get sick... although he was seriously thinking that Sam might not care. Josh glanced at Sam sideways as the car moved through the lazy Saturday traffic. "You wanna tell me why you felt a pressing need to sit in the rain?"

No response. He could see Sam beginning to shiver and wished the traffic would hurry up. "You wanna tell me why you won't look me in the eye?" That got a response, even if it was a non verbal one as Sam flinched.

Josh's forehead wrinkled. "Is it about-"

"Nothing." Sam cut him off with a dismissive wave of his hand. He was shivering harder now and Josh thanked all the angels that were on his side that there was a space free in front of Sam's home. He figured it would be very hard for Sam to do a runner from his own. Josh had barely put the parking brake on, before Sam was out of the car and moving to the front door. Josh followed him, letting them in.

Sam switched on the lights and pulled off his coat. It was dripping everywhere, Josh noticed. He didn't think that the towel that Sam had grabbed from his coat rack was going to do much of a job mopping up the water. Sam hung his coat up and put the towel underneath it to absorb the water dripping from it and looked only vaguely in Josh's direction. "I'm home now, you can go."

Asking for patience, Josh shook his head, propping his umbrella against the wall. "No. Go have a shower and don't get out until you warm."

"I'm perfectly-"

"Go have a shower," Josh ordered, pushing Sam forcefully in the direction of the bathroom. Sam let out an annoyed sighed and then did as he was told. Josh watched him disappear into the bathroom and then set about hanging his coat up. It was dripping slightly, although not as much as Sam's. Josh heard the shower switch on and felt a small measure of relief that Sam was at least following that directive. He turned up the heat and turned on the stove to make some hot chocolate. Then he grabbed a towel from Sam's linen closest and cleaned up the water on the floor.

Moving back to the kitchen, Josh was just pouring the hot milk into two mugs, wondering what had happened to make Sam unwilling to look at him, when Sam appeared in the doorway. He was wearing a thick wool sweater and jeans, his hair was damp, but drying. Sam looked ten times better then he had, although he still wouldn't look Josh in the eye. Josh held out the mug of hot chocolate. "Here. Drink."

Sam took the mug and he cradled it against his chest. "Josh I'm perfectl-"

"If you dare say that you are fine, then I will have to hit you."

"I don't need saving," Sam muttered with a shake of his head.

Josh contemplated Sam for a long minute. "I really think you do."

"Then you don't know everything," Sam snapped back.

"I know that you're obviously upset about something... is it the MS?"

Sam looked down at the floor, his hair flopping forward. Josh itched to brush it back so that he could see Sam's eyes. Josh leaned back against the counter and took a long sip of his hot chocolate, not bad, even if he did say so himself. "Why is it..." Sam stopped, and shook his head again.

"Why is it?" Josh prompted gently.

Sam gave a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's nothing. Thanks for -"

"Oh no..." Josh plonked the mug down on the counter behind him and stepped closer to Sam. Sam involuntarily moved back and then caught himself. "You're not doing this, you're not going to avoid talking about what...whatever it is that's bothering you."

Sam's eyes finally met Josh's and the expression in them caught Josh unaware. He felt his breath leave his lungs in a gasp. They were bleak and so hurt and there was something else there... that Josh couldn't quite define. "Sam-"

Sam held out a hand shushing him. "It's okay."

"It's not." Josh rested his hands on Sam's shoulders and he could feel how tense Sam was. He massaged the tight muscles gently. "It can't be. The President betrayed you, another father..."

"Don't," Sam whispered his eyes desperate.

"Leo's telling us to just get over it...CJ's-" Josh stopped there because the turmoil that CJ was feeling was painfully obvious to all. Josh seriously wondered if she was going to quit. "Mrs Landingham, a mother figure is gone..."

"Don't," Sam said again, his voice threaded with hurt.

"It's going to be okay," Josh said and the platitude seemed to fall flat to him. Sam's fleeting smile indicated that Sam thought the same thing.

"I didn't sign up for this." Sam swirled the cooling liquid in the mug.

Josh took it from him and placed the mug on the table. "No one did."

"I don't know what the point is... I just..." Sam's voice wavered and he gave a jerky shake of his head as he tried to get a hold of his emotions.

"Just?" Josh asked, stepping back over to Sam.

Sam gave a distracted gesture. "I don't know if I'm really needed around here."

"Sam." Josh ran a hand through his hair trying to figure out how to express just how important Sam was to the Administration. He must have waited too long for Sam gave a wistful smile.

"Guess not much, huh?" Sam shook his head and turned to go out the living room to do what Josh didn't know, he didn't care. Josh grabbed Sam's arm, forestalling his exit.

"I need you."

And he did. He needed Sam's spark around. He wasn't going to get through this if he didn't have Sam there. He needed to see ...

"Do you?" Sam whispered, turning to look at Josh seriously.

Holding that gaze, Josh swallowed hard and nodded. "I need you."

Sam blinked, looking away, a stray tear sliding down his cheek. Josh reached out and wiped it away. Sam looked up then and gave a soft bittersweet smile. "I need you, too."

Josh did the only thing he could think of then; he crushed Sam too him. Sam's arms came up around him and they stood like that embracing in Sam's kitchen, the fading scent of hot chocolate wafting over them. Josh let go after a long moment and ruffled Sam's hair. "You know if you get sick, it's going to be your own fault."

Sam laughed and Josh did a double take. For the first time in weeks, he realised that he hadn't heard Sam laugh, granted they had nothing to laugh about for a long time. But he hadn't realised just how much he had missed it.

Sam picked up his mug of hot chocolate and put it in the microwave, reheating it. "Yeah, but if I do, I guess my friends will take care of me." It was worded as a flippant remark, but Josh caught the underlying question in it. It hurt to hear Sam question the commitment he had to their friendship. Then again, it shouldn't have been a surprise, Sam had been betrayed so many times this year, it was no one wonder he was questioning the loyalty of his other friends. Sam was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Josh was determined that the next time anything like that happened he would be there to catch it for Sam.

"What are friends for?" Josh asked, with a smile.

The microwave dinged and Sam pulled out the mug and then put Josh's inside and began to reheat Josh's hot chocolate. "What are friends for?" he echoed.


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