White Lies

Piper


"Sam…I'll be here in the office when you're done."

Okay.

Sam pondered Toby's statement as he trailed Leo down the hall. He wondered briefly if they had some pressing work that he had neglected while writing the Chicago speech all day, but that didn't fit with Toby's tone. It had sounded more like he was…concerned. Like he knew what was about to happen, and expected Sam to need him when it was over.

That brought a sudden surge of fear in Sam. What was the President about to tell him? To provoke a sudden declaration of trust and an offer for comfort from Toby, in front of Leo no less, it would have to be pretty big.

'What have I done now?' was his first thought. But he was pretty sure he hadn't dated any call girls in the past few months. His thoughts after that ranged from wondering what Josh had done now to wondering who was dying. By the time they reached Charlie's desk he had worked himself into a full-blown panic, which he thought he hid fairly well, despite his shaking hands.

Charlie looked up when Leo stopped briefly and said, "He's expecting us." Charlie nodded, glancing at Sam sympathetically.

That glance set off even more warning bells in Sam's head. He did a quick tally of his friends-Charlie seemed to know something, and Toby definitely knew something. Josh had been acting strange, so he probably knew, and CJ had spent the morning with the White House Council and was now acting even stranger than Josh…

Sam was beginning to feel like the kid in math class who still didn't understand the problem when everyone else was a chapter ahead. Why was he out of the loop? And what could possibly be this bad?

"Sam?"

The deputy communications director looked up and realized that Leo was watching him expectantly, with an almost fatherly concern. He forced himself to move, nodding to Charlie and slowly following Leo's invitation. They entered the Oval Office, and the door was shut behind them.

~*~

Toby absently fiddled with a pencil and tried to keep his mind on the file in front of him. But his thoughts kept drifting to the small meeting currently taking place in the Oval Office.

He really wasn't sure how Sam was going to take this. But considering his own reaction, as well as Josh and CJ's, he could assume that it wouldn't go over well.

He wondered how smart it had been to save Sam for last. 'Well, far from last, he conceded mentally, 'but after the other senior staffers.' But he knew that his empathetic young deputy would never have been able to concentrate on the speech if he had been worried about this. Toby had almost told him that afternoon, but changed his mind. Aside from the fact that it really wasn't his place to tell this particular secret, he also suspected that it would devastate Sam, and he couldn't bring himself to inflict that kind of pain, however cowardly that might be on his part.

Toby sighed, giving up on the file and rummaging around his crowded desk for the rubber ball. Rescuing it from a stack of papers, he moved from behind the desk to the chair beside the couch and began to toss it repeatedly against the opposite wall. He wondered what he was going to say to Sam. It wasn't as if the situation had some easy words that would make it all better. They were facing something huge, something that might have the potential to destroy the whole administration.

And as much as the big brother instincts he had developed for his deputy protested, he knew there was no way he could protect Sam from this. They were all going to come under fire, and they were going to have to fight to come out alive.

Toby jumped when his phone suddenly rang. He pushed himself out of the chair and grabbed it from the desk. "Yeah?"

"Toby, its Leo. Has Sam come back to you yet?"

Toby glanced quickly into the hallway for signs of his deputy. "No. Why, what happened?" he demanded.

"Don't worry, I'm sure he's on his way. He just left a minute ago."

Toby let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "How did he take it?"

Leo hesitated. "Well, he was shocked, of course. Still was when he walked out of here. I mean, he seemed to be taking it all right. He asked a few questions, but was pretty quiet and knowing Sam…well, we were worried. I think he'll head back to you, Toby."

Toby caught sight of movement outside his office in the corner of his eye and looked up to see Sam reenter the communications bullpen. "Yeah, he's coming."

"Toby…go easy on him, okay?"

Toby was distracted watching Sam approach and trying to read his posture and facial expressions, so it took him a moment to catch the insinuation in that statement. Leo was worried that he would be his usual gruff self. But surely the Chief of Staff had noticed Toby's tendency to be protective of Sam. "Leo, don't worry. I'll take care of him."

He heard Leo sigh. "Yeah, I know. It's just been a long week…and it's only going to get longer." He paused for a moment. The bulk of Toby's attention remained with Sam, who had stopped in the bullpen and was staring blankly at a picture on the wall. But he didn't miss Leo's next statement, "He was the hardest one to tell, you know. The President worried about him most."

Toby responded softly, "Yeah, me too. I've got to go, Leo."

"Okay. Good luck. I'll tell the President he's in good hands."

Toby said an absent good night and hung up the phone. Then he made his way around the desk to the door of his office, where he stopped. "Sam," he called gently. His deputy looked up at him, a slightly lost expression in his eyes. "Why don't you come on in here and sit, okay?" It took Sam a moment to respond, then he simply nodded. Toby backed up to allow him in as Sam made his way slowly. Toby observed him carefully, noting that Leo was right: he was in shock. When Sam stopped just inside, still looking a little lost; Toby hooked a gentle hand around his arm and steered him to sitting position on the couch before taking a seat beside him.

When Sam still didn't speak, Toby said cautiously, "How are you doing, Sam?"

Again it took his deputy a moment to respond. "I just…" Sam shook his head, frustrated. Toby waited patiently for him to work out his thoughts, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. After a moment Sam continued, "How did this happen? I mean, how could they not tell us and let it get to this point…"

"Sam, you have every right to be upset right now…" Toby started, but Sam was quickly moving out of shock and into anger, and cut him off.

"Well, I'm glad I have your permission Toby, because I am upset!" Sam shrugged Toby off and jumped to his feet. His voice rose with, "I mean, what are we supposed to tell this country? All these people who voted for him, who put their faith in us…what are we going to tell them?"

"Sam," Toby began, but didn't get past that before Sam started talking again, gesturing wildly and pacing back and forth.

"I mean, people don't expect politicians to be totally honest. A little embellishment here, a few white lies there, that can be excusable. But how we are ever going to get something this colossal to fit into the category of a little white lie, I have no idea."

"Sam…" Toby tried again. But it was becoming obvious that Sam wasn't in a listening mode, he needed to vent. Toby knew the feeling. He could have used someone to ramble at the night he found out, but of course, that hadn't been an option for him. There was no one he could talk to at that point. And it had been a nightmare. So if his simply sitting there and listening would help his deputy deal with this better than he had, he could certainly do that for him.

Sam hadn't even noticed the interruption; he was hardly even stopping to breathe. "…Of course, each time something was avoided or covered up probably seemed like a small lie, but what they don't tell you is that little white lies all pile up on top of each other and one day you wake up and are suddenly facing this huge, ugly thing…"

Toby sat quietly and watched, eyes following Sam back and forth as the younger man paced and ranted for a few more minutes before he slowly ran out of steam and grew quiet. After a few seconds of simply standing there, Sam came back to plop down beside Toby. They sat in silence until Sam turned to his boss and said softy, "This is really bad, isn't it?"

"Probably." He couldn't lie to him. Sam needed to be prepared for what was coming. Still, it pained him to watch the emotions that played across Sam's expressive face at the confirmation. He watched as Sam looked away from him, big blue eyes pooling with tears. The younger man leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hands moving to cover his face.

Toby instinctively reached forward to slip an arm around Sam's shoulders, pulling him minutely closer. They sat together silently, and Toby simply held onto him while Sam shed a few quiet tears.

"So," Sam asked softly after a while, composing himself and swiping at his damp cheeks with one hand. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know yet," Toby sighed. He released his grip on Sam's shoulders, but kept a gentle hand on his back. "We all talk about it. We make some serious decisions. Then…we tell this country. And hold on." Sam was looking at him, eyes pleading for some hope in what seemed like a hopeless situation. Toby's protective instincts prompted his next statement as he found himself gently rubbing Sam's back; "We will survive this, Sam."

"Will we?"

"Yes." He might not have believed it himself earlier, but at that moment he resolved that it would be true. "We stick together, present a united front…and we will make it."

Toby watched as Sam shook his head ruefully and cracked a smile. "Because Batman and Robin can conquer anything, right?" Sam asked, laughing softly.

Toby couldn't help but smile back at that. "Exactly." Sam never ceased to amaze him, this time with his resiliency. The kid had managed to keep his sense of humor intact.

They sat together for a while longer before heading out for the night. Though obviously still unconvinced, Sam seemed like he wanted to believe his boss. Toby could live with that. As long as Sam would put up a fight and not give up.

They could survive.

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