***

"….problem?…"

Problem. Yes. Problem.

"…think he's…he's in pain…should give him something…could you…please…something for the pain?…"

Pain. Yes. Pain.

"…sorry…just gave…pain medication…"

Pain. Pain. Hurts.

"…I don't care…give him…in pain…should give…more…"

Hurts.

"…doctor said…no more for now…"

No more. No more… Hurts.

"…I don't care…what doctor said…do you understand…I don't care…then find…different doctor…"

Hurts.

***

"…you don't have to stay…"

No. No. Stay.

"…want to stay…"

No. Stay. You. Stay.

"…appreciate it…but…mother and I…here…you have…job…"

Stay. Please.

"…I don't care…about…job…"

Job. Stay. Please.

"…job is important…"

Important. Please.

"…I don't care…"

Stay.

***

"…yeah…off the ventilator...great…still sounds bad…better than machine…"

Great. Tube gone. Bad tube.

"…opened his eyes…'bout…hour ago…"

No. Eyes closed. Tired. Hurts.

"…still…lot of pain…breathing hurts…ribs and lung…for a while…but he's off…machine…"

Hurts. Breathing. Hurts.

"…yeah…kind of…blinked…looked around…sort of…"

Sort of. Not sort of. Hurts. It hurts.

"…saw me, but…don't think …*saw* me…you know…"

Saw you. Saw you. Josh. Josh?

"…closed his eyes again….asleep..."

Josh… Sleeping, sleep, asleep, asleeping.

"…of course…talked to him…said…hey, there…Sam…hi, Sam…doing okay…buddy..."

Talked, talk… Not talking. Sleeping.

"…no…already…closed his eyes…okay…doctors said…normal…expected…"

Okay. Eyes closed. Normal. Sleeping.

"…right…should…speak more quickly…good idea, CJ…confuse him…whatever…"

Good. CJ. Sleeping. Good CJ.

"…you?…distinctive voice…I think…more annoying…no…sorry…yes…he'd stay awake…for you…jeez…"

Voice. Quiet voice. Please. Not awake. Sleeping, asleeping, sleep...

"…briefing?…to say?…tell…that…as expected and…upgraded him…good sign…improving…"

Good sign. Sleeping. Good sleeping.

"…yeah…little better…good…"

Voice. Quiet. Better. Good.

"…later…will tell him…bye…"

Sshh. Bye.

***

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

-------------------------------------------

For Immediate Release

March 15^th, 2001

Press Briefing by CJ Cregg

Press Briefing Room

10:45PM EST

…

Ms. Cregg: Good afternoon. I have some information for you right now about HR 492 and also some information about Sam Seaborn…his condition at this time, and what's going on with that. Okay?

…so we're hoping that the bill will be pushed up during the subcommittee meeting next Wednesday. Moving on, I'm pleased to tell you that Sam Seaborn's condition is getting better. His status has been upgraded from critical to serious. That's a real –

Q: Are the doctors hopeful for a full recovery?

Ms. Cregg: Sam's doing better. We're all hopeful that he'll recover from this…that he'll recover fully, yes.

Q: Is he still on the ventilator?

Ms. Cregg: No. No, he's breathing on his own now. He was taken off the ventilator earlier this week, and so far, he's doing as expected. Usually, Sam goes above and beyond what we all expect, but hey, you know… <laughter> Right now, we're all happy with him meeting expectations. That's good, that's all we want to see…and he's getting better. We just want to see him get better.

Q: What is the situation at the hospital? Visitors?

Ms. Cregg: Well, as you know, White House Chief of Staff Leo McGarry was in Michigan for a brief time. He returned here to the White House to brief the President and to resume his duties…he returned here shortly after the Vice-President was released –

Q: Can you tell us who is still at the hospital with Mr. Seaborn?

Ms. Cregg: Sam's parents, of course. They traveled from California to be with him…they're at the hospital with Sam now. And White House Deputy Chief of Staff Joshua Lyman and White House Communications Director Toby Ziegler, who oversaw the investigation of the accident, are also still in Michigan. The investigation has been concluded now, and Toby Ziegler will be returning to Washington late tonight.

Q: When will Josh Lyman return to Washington?

Ms. Cregg: I don't have any information on that yet. To continue, all of us here at the White House are very happy about Sam's improvement, and we are hoping he continues to improve. We know he's working hard to get well, and we just…want him to keep doing that –

Q: Any comment from the Vice-President?

Ms. Cregg: Well, you'll have to check with the Vice-President to see if he has any comment.

Q: Anything the White House wishes to say to the Vice-President?

Ms. Cregg: Only what we've been saying for the past several days…which is, thank you. And that's all for now, folks. Good afternoon.

End Transcript 3/15/01

***

"If you're tired, you should go to sleep."

Tired. Yes. Tired. Wait, no. No. Talking, talking…something.

"…not…tired…"

"You look tired, Sam."

Well...you look blurry. Toby. Blurry Toby.

"You should close your eyes."

"…'m…fine…"

Sigh. Not me. Him.

"I have to leave soon. In an hour."

Okay. Wait, no. What?

"…go?…"

Up and down, up and down…nod, nod, nod.

"Yeah, remember I told you?"

Remember? Sure. I remember…remember…what? Wait, no. No. Sigh. Not him. Me. Sorry.

"…yeah…"

"I'm going back to Washington."

Washington? Okay. Yes. Washington. Remember. Washington, washington, washing–

"I have to go to work. Leo… Leo told me I have to go back to work."

Leo?

"Well, he didn't so much tell *me* as much as he told CJ, who blurted it out at the briefing this morning."

CJ?

"Then, he has the audacity to call me after the fact and tell me it's time to come back home."

Home. Okay. Yes. Wait, no. Washington?

"I told Leo he's a jackass."

Leo. Okay. Yes. Leo. Jackass. Remember. Leo, jackass, leojackass, leoja–

"That didn't go over too well with him."

Well. Well…yeah, 'cause…jackass.

"But I can come back here on the weekend."

Okay. Yes. Wait, no. Looking at me…you're looking… Oh. Right. My turn.

"…'kay…"

"You want me to come back on the weekend?"

Okay. Yes. Wait, no. Back?

"You want me to come back here on the weekend?"

Here...Washington? Wait, no. Michigan? Yes. Looking… Oh. Right. My turn.

"…yeah…"

Smile. Smiling. "Good, good. I'll have Ginger set it up."

Ginger? Ginger, cinnamon…

Smiling. Ginger. Smiling. Okay. Yes. Good. Remember. Good.

"Do you want anything from home?"

Home. Okay. Wait, no. Home? Home…California. Right? Yes. Home…California…Mom…Dad. What? Oh. My turn.

"…"

"What?"

Sorry. Stupid voice. Keeps…goes away. Nothing there. Sorry. Wait, no. Standing. No, don't…no, s'okay. Wait. I'm…okay. Just need…try harder. Little harder.

"What'd you say, Sam?"

Say? I… My turn? Wait, no.

"We were talking about anything you want from home. Do you want anything from home?"

Home? Here? No…

"You want your computer? I'll make Leo give it to me, and I can finish fixing it, and I'll bring it to you here."

Here? Not home. Home…California? Wait, no. Here…Michigan? Why...wait, wait...Toby…

"…why?…"

"Why? Well, I thought maybe that you'd want to…I mean, that is, I could e-mail you the draft for –"

"…Mich-…Michigan…why?…"

Just…one more time…tell. Sorry. Sorry…try harder…promise. Tell me…tell why.

"Why are we…why are we in Michigan?"

Big sigh. Not me. Him. Sitting down. Hands on the bars. Stupid. Stupid bars. Don't need them. Can't move anyway.

Sad face. "We're in Michigan because you had an accident, Sam. Remember? Remember, I told you about this."

Quiet voice. Nice voice. Sad face. I'm sorry. Supposed to…remember… Sorry. I'm sorry. Toby. I'm sorry.

"It's okay, it's okay. You're just tired."

No, no…didn't try…I didn't try. Didn't try and…I'm sorry, Toby, I'm sorry. Stupid. I'm sorry. Stupid eyes burn…no, no, no. Don't do that. I'm sorry, Toby.

"Hey…no. It's okay, Sam. You're tired. That's okay. Sshh."

Stupid hand…shaking now. And stupid eyes…burning. Toby. I'm sorry, Toby. I'm… Stupid, stupid!

"…'m sorry…try…harder…"

Standing up again. Patting hair...off my face. Soft voice. Nice voice. "No, you're doing fine, Sam. You're doing fine, and it's okay. You're tired. You need to rest. You should go to sleep."

I'm sorry, Toby. Really sorry. Stupid. Tired…hurts again. Toby. Sorry. Hurts.

"It's okay. It's okay to go to sleep. I'm here. Go ahead, close your eyes. There you go. Sshh. Go to sleep. Go to sleep, Sam."

Wait…no. Don't go. Stay.

"…stay…talk?…"

"Yeah, of course. No problem. Sshh, close your eyes. That's it. So, uh…oh, I heard a funny story from Leo today…"

Leo. Jackass. Right? Yes. Good.

"He said that Senator Jameson wants the Appropriations Committee to investigate the possibility of…"

Stay…keep talking…sleep.

***

"Forward. Step. Good. Other leg. C'mon. No, c'mon, you can do it. Forward. And…c'mon, move it!… Step. Three more steps, and you'll be there."

Connie's on her knees on the ground, holding onto my leg and guiding it forward. And Sara…wait, no...Susan is behind me, holding on to my waist from behind, holding me up. In any other situation, this might be a dream come true, but it's far too humiliating and painful to be a dream.

"I don't care. I think I'm done now."

"You're not done, and you'll care when we leave you to fall on your ass."

Susan readjusts her grip, just above the scar on my chest, and I'm not sure that anything could hurt more than this. "I don't like you."

"I voted Republican, so I don't care that you don't like me. Now take a deep breath and push your leg forward. Don't hunch over. Step. Good job. Good job, Sam. Left leg now."

Left leg. That Leg. I hate That Leg. That Leg causes me sadness and pain. "You voted Republican?"

I can stall. Stalling is good. Stalling is excellent. And I am an excellent staller. Yes, I'm an excellent…

I'm an excellent liar.

Wait, no. No. I'm not lying, I wouldn't lie, I wouldn't do that –

I'm an excellent liar.

"Yes, and if you don't move your left leg, I'm going to vote Libertarian."

"What?" My hands are sweaty, and I can feel my elbows shaking.

"Hey, hey…careful there. Careful." Susan can feel it, too.

"You okay?" Connie's hands are bracing my legs, helping to keep me upright.

I nod.

"You're a little pale. Are you dizzy?"

I shake my head.

"Are you lying to me, Samuel?"

I'm an excellent liar.

No. Wait. Stop. Think. "No, I'm fine. Just lost my concentration."

It's never lost…

Her hands move back to my left leg – That Leg – one hand just above my knee and the other grasping my ankle. "Okay. Well, try not to lose it again –"

"It's never lost, so much as misplaced."

She grins. "Excuse me?"

I don't know, I don't know where that came from. Misplaced? "I said that, uh, it's never…my concentration, I mean…it's never lost. So much as misplaced."

She's still grinning, but she rolls her eyes now. "You're an odd man, Sam."

…fantastic writer…good man…right ideas…

Concentrate. I just have to concentrate. "Yeah. Among other things."

"I'll bet. You ready to keep going?"

Concentrate. "Yeah."

"Don't hold your breath." Susan pats my stomach. "Don't think about it hurting. Just breathe."

"C'mon, you can do it."

Okay. I can do this. Lift. I can do this. Bend. I have to do this. Little more. I have to do this. I can…

…I can't …I can't…I'm too tired to do it anymore… shut up, just shut up…I can do this…I have to do this...

Okay. Not paying attention. Concentrate. Concentrate on the pain, that'll do it.

"Good job, Sam. Keep doing what you're doing."

…I don't know what I'm doing…

"I don't know what I'm doing." My voice sounds far-away.

"Yes, you do. C'mon, you're doing great." Connie crawls back a step, starts to pull my leg forward. Oh, pain, pain, pain…

"Heel out. Extend. And step down. You can do it."

…I have to do it…I need to do this…

"That's right, Sam. That's right."

…the right thing to do…it's the right thing for me to do....

"And down. Excellent! Excellent job, Sam."

I'm an excellent liar.

I shake my head.

Susan relaxes her grip, pats my chest. "No, really, it was excellent. Just keep breathing. Your heart's going a mile a minute. You got a fire to put out somewhere?"

Connie has her hands on my right leg now. Right leg. Concentrate. That one's okay. That one I don't mind. That leg is just fine. "Right leg. Lift. Forward. Bend. Wow, good. And down. One more step, Sam, and you're done."

…there, I'm done….oh, god…I'm done….

Her hands are back to That Leg. "And Suze, don't talk to me about fires. Stupid fire station down the block from my house…I can hear it every time that damned bell goes off, and it just about drives me crazy."

Susan's arm is pressing into the scar on my chest, and it hurts. It hurts.

"What a pain in the butt."

"And every time, it scares me right out of my mind. The sound when it's ringing…"

Don't ever ring that bell at me again.

"Keep going, Sam."

"Keep breathing, Sam."

My leg hurts, my leg hurts… It hurts.

"That stupid bell is always ringing so loud, and I hate it. I can't stand it."

Don't ever ring that bell at me again.

"Hey, Sam."

It's Toby. He's wearing a raincoat. It must be raining, or it must have rained, or –

Connie's pulling my leg forward, and it hurts. It hurts…

Toby.

"How're you doing?"

Toby. He's wearing a raincoat, and it's wet. It must have rained…

…must have rained sometime…it must have…

My hands are sweaty, and my elbows are shaking, and it hurts. It hurts, and –

…it hurts…make it stop…oh, god, it hurts!…

"I brought some dinner. You almost done?"

…I'm done…it hurts…oh, god, it hurts!…I'm done…Toby, it hurts…make it stop…please!…Toby, it…

"Sam?"

"Almost there, Sam. Almost done. Sam?"

…it hurts!…oh, god, I'm done…

"Whoa!"

"Hey!"

"Sam!"

"Careful! I got him, I got him…"

"Sam!"

"Okay, careful, let's just sit down…right here on the mat…gently…gently…"

"Sam?"

I fall.

***