King of the Mountain: Part 12
Lynn Jepsen
Leo and I work together well. We worked together well at Labor and we
still work well together. Toby and I work well together too. The
speechwriting's going pretty well, and of course, CJ and I always work
well together. Now, if it seems like I'm out of adjectives, you're right.
"Well" is the best I can do on short notice. Josh quit, got fired,
whatever, on Saturday. By Monday, we were all ready to kill each other,
and this morning, Toby and Brutus both growled during the staff meeting.
Go figure. Josh Lyman is a peacemaker. I would never have believed it. Of
course, the one person I'm not working well with, seems out to alienate
everyone. Why? I'm not sure. I just know that if Sam doesn't wise up, Leo
and Toby are going to hang him from a light fixture until tomorrow
evening before the great debate.
"Lisa, are you coming with us?" First tell me where I'm agreeing to go.
CJ launches into a long explanation of the debate prep and Sam's attitude
and the fact that Toby threw the briefing books at his head - twice,
before I cut her off and ask for the short version. "Toby and I thought
we should go out and relax before we all kill each other." Instinctively,
I glance at my watch. Today could be the first night in almost a month
I've been in bed before one-thirty. Sure, why not. "Oh, and bring the
governor. If nothing else, we'll get him drunk and he'll be out of our
hair until noon." Okay, first sign things are getting ugly, CJ just
called Sam "Governor." Sign two? She's planning to get him drunk in
public. This cannot be good.
That's why when I take my seat at our corner booth, I start mentally
casing the joint. Bad lighting, loud music, smoky air, and heaven forbid,
a karaoke machine. Only the absence of anyone even remotely resembling
press or politicians comforts my internal radar. Three hours later, the
four of us are trying to drink one another under the table. Toby's still
stone cold sober, or at least, putting up a good show, and CJ and I are
more than a little tipsy. Sam... Sam I'm not so sure about because he's
not exactly talking to us.
"Come on Lisa!" CJ grabs my arm then, and we wade out onto the dance
floor. We were out here earlier, but there we alot less people then, and
we were a good deal steadier on our feet. They're playing the golden
oldies - this stuff was new when I was too young to appreciate it. That's
why I'm a little nervous when CJ starts doing the twist. I'm not sure I
can stay vertical and twist at the same time. Oh well, never try, I'll
never know.
Two glasses of wine and a vodka martini later, CJ's onstage, and I want
to hide my head, because I'm damn near certain someone will recognize
her. Of course, my better angels get drowned out by the thumping music
and the fact that I haven't drank this much since... since... you know,
I'm not entirely sure when, but I'd guess Josh and Sam and I were working
on something together at the time. There's one little problem with
pretending I don't know CJ - she's got a death grip on my arm and is
trying to drag me onstage. You know what, she's going to win. Of course,
that just makes me latch on to Toby, and watch him squirm as he realizes
she's going to win.
Then the music kicks in....
*
"You do realize you destroyed my dignity last night, right?" CJ sounds
way too chipper this morning, and I wonder exactly how many pitchers of
water she downed last night on her mission to prevent a hangover. I want
to glare at her, but I'm afraid if I move my head I'll fall out of the
chair - Toby has no such worry. I'm not sure how much alcohol he can
stomach at stay standing, but I'm never footing the bill to get him
drunk. "CJ, you're the one that dragged us up on stage. Don't complain
about your dignity." Stop. Oh, hell, I'm croaking. My voice literally
sounds like I died and came back as a frog. Can you two argue quietly?
The only thing last night the went exactly as planned was CJ's great
conspiracy to get Sam drunk and leave him in bed until we needed him to
talk - on TV, in front of millions of people - oh hell. "CJ?" She pivots
towards Leo with this irritatingly perky smile on her face. "Yeah?" He
takes one look at me, and glares at CJ. "I take it this was your idea?"
She nods. She'll be proud of herself for the next twenty seconds.......
"In my office. Now!" The door to Josh's office slams then, and I wince.
That hurt.
I'm on my eighth cup of coffee before I feel alive enough to look at the
tape Rachel made for me last night. Pushing it into the VCR, I watch as
Geoffrey Donaldsen introduces his panelists - Mary Marsh, no surprise
there, Josh Lyman, no surprise to me, and Mandy Hampton. Oh, this cannot
be good. You know how most people mellow with age? Well, not these three.
Mary and I almost had a fist fight last time I had occasion to banter
with her, and Josh and Mandy - someone should have sold tickets to this.
CJ parks herself on the couch next to me before the first commercial
break is over. "Did I miss anything?" Nope, but you have to clue me in to
Leo's maladjustment of the day. "He says we're a bunch of amateurs."
Okay, now that's a pretty transparent argument. Hell, we made it this
far, we'll keep on trudging uphill, Leo or no Leo. Fess up, what's really
up. "I think he misses Josh." Granted. We all miss Josh. Sam's starting
to get pretty hard to live with anymore. "So what did I miss?" Not much.
Mary told Josh he was incapable of Christian love an understanding, Mandy
told the studio audience that he has a delicate system and an ego the
size of Wyoming. "She underestimated." Yeah, I know. I'd say it's the
size of the Eastern bloc, but that's just me. Oh, then Josh told Mary
that once her God helped hold the gun at Rosslyn.
I don't think I've ever seen CJ choke on just air before, and I pound on
her back for a second. "He said what?" You heard me the first time, don't
fool with me. Then Mary called him a New York Jew, except she wasn't all
secretive about it this time, and Mandy called her a bitch. That just
about brings us to the commercial break. "What is tonight's topic
anyway?" Glasscock's education policy. "Excuse me?" I know, I know. I
don't know how they got to here from education policy, but this is better
than Jerry Springer..... Not that I watch Jerry Springer, but from what
I've heard.... Yeah, anyway.... CJ grabs the remote then, and fast
forwards through the commercials. We've started to attract a crowd, and
they all have this look on their faces.... I think we miss Josh already.
King of the Mountain: Part 13
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