God of War: Part 32


Lynn Jepsen


There is a proverb in Uzbekistan that says 'a word said is a shot fired.'
By that token, I kill people with words every day of my life. It makes
sense then, I think, for God to spend extra effort making sure I
understand the meaning of what I do. There is a purpose to all the
battles fought. If I forget, I'm sure Donna is jotting then down
somewhere for future conversations.

Today was too long. I won't admit it, but I need Rachel fussing over me
right now, and I'm not about to discourage Diana from smothering me.
There are old injuries from Rosslyn that have decided to make themselves
known, and there are breaks and bumps and bruises that have yet to heal.
I almost died because one woman wanted a nation for her children and a
group of men had no tolerance for others.

Lily Mays is nursing a shoulder wound because a group of Americans don't
believe women or minorities are their equals. There's a message here.

Hell if I know what it is.

I know that boxers and a tee shirt are more difficult to change into than
they should be, and I know that Diana is standing in my kitchen wearing
my bathrobe. She's making me cinnamon toast and regaling me with tales of
Lisa and CJ playing Trivial Pursuit on fifteen minutes sleep. I would
have paid to see that. Maybe the Secret Service video taped it.

"Joshua."

She's cooking something, but it sure as hell isn't toast. She leans
against the counter, and opens her arms. When I step into her embrace, it
isn't about sex, or love, or anything else. We'll discuss those later.
Right now, it's about having a long day, where the President of the
United States found his groove, and I struggled to find equilibrium all
over again. It's about hanging on to something real. It's about stability
and hope and hanging on as tight as you can.

We fought a war.

We fought a war and Lily was shot and Lisa won't talk about anything
real. CJ has patience only for Joe, and I can't let Diana or Rae or Elle
out of my sight without a tiny stab of panic.

Only Toby is still Toby, but he's a quieter Toby. Not quite so grumpy,
but much less brittle. It's strange, and I'm not sure if I like the
change.

Andi came by today. She wanted to wish me well, and check up on him. I
have to say Senator Wyatt is completely transparent when it comes to her
feelings. No wonder she and Toby didn't last. The window and the brick
wall.....

Diana's shoulders shake just a little, and I can feel the dampness from
her tears collecting on my shirt. I couldn't cry again if I tried. I hold
on to her anyway, because just like me, she needs something to hang on
to, and I'm that something, at least for now.

"Josh, don't ever leave." I won't. I can't. I was a fool once before.
This time, I'll get it right. Then I tell her I love her. The moment
between my whisper and her reply nearly takes my breath away, but then
she snuggled further into my arms. I clutch her tightly. I miss Donna. If
Donna were still alive, I would not be clutching a twenty something
speechwriter in the kitchen of my house. Of course, if Donna were still
alive, I would be an old married man with a half dozen children by now.
Neither the marriage or the children are going to happen, but I can hang
on to this woman I love. She's real, she's here, and we're in love. That
has to be enough for this lifetime.

"Well, Mr. Chief of Staff, can I put you to bed?" Only if you come with
me.

She blushes a little, and trips over the hem of my robe, but we end up
snuggled together beneath the covers. If she thinks it's strange for me
to sleep with a shirt on, she doesn't mention it. I'm not ready to have
her see any new scars.

Silently, I wish Sam and Lisa a good night. As I drift off, I kiss Diana
lightly on the forehead. Then I wish Donna a good night. My two angels.

God of War: Part 33

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